Saw a discussion on Facebook today and the post centered around “Pick Me’s is very interesting.
A man named Christoper wrote:
His post makes perfect sense.
He was attempting to explain that there are lots of single women chasing high value men, while women on the other hand are being used for sex, taken for granted and tossed to the side to continue the chase. He also stated in the comments that women need to put in EFFORT to be seen, especially online when a man has 2,000+ Facebook friends.
I understand where he’s coming from. Yet, I must call it like I see it, from my level, and shed some light on the situation.
A King in divine masculinity, sitting on his throne, always gets the woman he wants.
Lions go for what they want. Until a man activates his divine King throne codes he will continue to take whatever woman is nice to him and chases him. A divine King gets the woman he wants. He knows he needs a woman who is an asset to him. Therefore, he’s not distracted by 2,000 other women, because they won’t due for him. He’s focused, and not lost like other men. He’s looking for her. HER is at the top of the tree. He’s not about to be like the other men who are on the group picking up the apples that are laying around. Those guys have limited vision. HE sees what he wants at the top. He’s brave, he has his heart and sights set on her. So he gets her.
A divine King knows what he wants. Therefore when he finally meets her, he shuts sh*t down. He’s a winner. It’s always chess and not checkers. I’m not saying he doesn’t move in smooth and gracefully, but what he does is set his sight on the target and start luring it in. The dance begins.
If a man is expecting a woman to chase him, that’s not divine masculinity. It’s feminine behavior, and I know for a fact, Goddesses like me, are attracted to testosterone and men who are confident enough to stand tall, ball tall, and vibrate high enough to get a woman of our caliber. Because we ain’t going for just anyone. Especially not a weak one who doesn’t know how to catch his own damn fish.
Some men literally have to be told it’s time to let their mama’s titty go. Women are not here to chase a man and do everything for him. Her help is not in the DOING. Doing is your job. She’s there to simply BE. #LevelUp
That is why I wrote my new book “You Can’t Force A Man To Value You – Becoming a High Value Woman & Getting The Man Of Your Dreams.”
Getting the man you desire, requires that a woman work on herself, not go to work to get a man. That’s backwards. You can’t chase a real man talking about “Pick Me,” even if he does pick you, it may because you wore him down, he felt guilty or simply never vibrated high enough to get what he truly wants.
If a woman wants her relationship to last, she must pick a man who is totally in love with her. It’s okay for a woman to flirt with a man, and make him aware of his presence. But once he sees her, he knows. It simply doesn’t take much more EFFORT than that. Most of the effort before meeting a high value man is done on herself. Once she becomes the highest version of herself she will then attract men who like her.
Dating is a game of “How Can I Get This Woman To Marry me?” When it’s played any different than that, the results don’t tend to work out in the long run.
A woman can’t put forth EFFORT to try to prove herself in hopes that a man chooses and picks her. That’s feminine on his behalf and masculine on hers. It’s up to a woman to become her best self, let the men show up, and pick the one she wants. But even in her head she too should know what she wants well before he shows up.
Then when the two come together, it’s more like a match made in heaven, because the energy connects. Soon they realize why they were brought together.
Men are hunters by nature, not receivers… That’s why they have penis and women have a womb…
It’s not up to a woman to chase a man to get him to see her, value her or want her.
I should also mention that some of us women, although we are spiritual, composed and feminine, we are equally balanced in the masculine. We are fierce warrior Queens. We are what most smart, successful men actually need, cause YES, men want their businesses to flow smoother. Being around our brain and frequency sets him up for easy wins.
But knowing that, we’re just not about to hand ourselves over to just any man. He must have a LION in him, roaring, taking life by the balls and making things happen in his life. We’re turned on by winners. We don’t want the man who will just take any woman.
A man who will take anything, will never treat a woman like she’s special. Cause she’s not. Plus what woman has time to be trying to convince a man that he can win, when he didn’t even have the balls to win her heart..
Deep within your heart and soul, you know what you came here for. You’re compelled to understand the need to want to give and receive love in its purest form. Your soul still remembers when love was innocent. You remember the way it’s supposed to be.
This is our reason for being in this third dimensional physical body in all the different lifetimes we’ve come.
We as beings of light come here to understand the polar opposites of divine feminine and divine masculine, and the affect it has on the soul. You came to learn the truth, of what we truly want in our hearts vs. what we do not want. It is here, in this dimension of time, that our wisdom comes forth accepting all that we are here to experience… That we are here to give and receive to and from one another. We are here to give to our higher content. The best gift you could ever give anyone, is the deepest, most unconditional love. This is also, where we meet many familiar souls along the way in recognition of our soul family. Each of these souls may play an important role in our life awakening us to whom we are. Many act as catalysts that assist us in clearing ourselves as we transform stepping into wholeness discovering our true self.
As we shift through our process of ascension, we find our path, our mission along the way. We begin to follow the dream. For me I personally know I am here on the path of The Goddess of Love & Motivation, in order to heal hearts, give clarity in remembrance, and show others how to tap into the deepest love, in order to manifest their dreams in business and relationships.
I bring heaven to earth with the spiritual work I do. I also have a divine mate. In acceptance of which I am, I also accepted who he is in this lifetime and all that he came to do which is, the same path but a somewhat different format. It’s about sacred, working relationships. Divine Partnerships.
I have been here lifetime after lifetime for the same goal and in this lifetime I was born on the life path number five (5), the life path of master manifestor. I am a high trajectory spirit being called to bring light into the world. It is why I am here with all six (6) clair senses, a healer, I am a channel to universal connection to all benevolent masters, angels, gods/goddesses, light beings and so forth, I am also an empath, speak light language, and am psychic and so on. With all the abilities, I/we as one, I with the others beyond the veil, are able to bring forth all that I am able to do through my physical body to assist souls in unconditional love and raise the vibrations upon the planet bringing heaven to Earth. This is only me being myself, in wholeness, in the true spirit that I am unselfishly for love.
Black women are the fastest growing entrepreneurs on the planet for ONE reason.
You’re not going to like this truth.
Black women are pretty confident. Especially the boss chicks. Heck, many of us overcame poverty, had our heart broke, dealt with a string of unhealed men who abused us and took from us, and still came out successful.
There’s not much you can tell a boss chick.
But look at this.
Single mothers and 50/50 women have raised their sons to be accustomed to seeing black women working hard. So when you meet their sons, it’s actually no surprise that he doesn’t want to see you living it up. He wants to see you working just as hard as him.
So now he’s not going to give you a lifting hand. He’s not going to help you. Instead he wants you to help him. This even makes sense in a boss chick’s eyes. She believes that a man should choose her because “She’s a Boss,” she can help him with his business and she gets money.
In fact that’s most of the reason she’s so successful anyway. Black men told her to not ask for anything that she can’t give to herself, and to not expect help from him or any man. So she helped herself to the lifestyle she wanted by WORKING HARD. She’s a workhorse.
She feels that maybe if she works hard to prove herself to a man, then just maybe she’ll be good enough to be loved by him. Half the time she doesn’t even care if the man provides or pay bills. She simply wants to be loved and valued. She’s even willing to put in the work EFFORT to make it work. YET, most times she still doesn’t come across a man who will fully love her.
I’ve experienced abundant men who find themselves to be blessed to be in the presence of a Goddess, who will take me shopping, fly me places, give me money and pay my bills. At the same time I’ve experienced a man looking at me as simply being a woman he’s attracted to, telling me that he’s not going to spoil me the way other men do, and that men are stupid for spoiling me. And that helping a woman is considered “tricking.”
It was as if, in his eyes, I didn’t deserve to be treated with love, respect, kindness, or for men to actually assist me and make life easier and more enjoyable for me… See some men are excited by what you DO, and other men are excited by YOU.
Meanwhile he also said HE liked me and would gladly watch me struggle to do it all on my own… Waiting for me to figure it out on my own. Then MAYBE I would be loved and respected for being so strong, for accomplishing something and working in the masculine. Meanwhile he could’ve taken the nail, hammered it into the wall, and it would be done.
Such behavior reminds me of where I come from, and has caused me to have empathy for the issues I’ve had to work through. When you grow up in the hood, you definitely will have to deal with more issues than average. Mainly cause of the mindset you have to overcome. Then only to be faced with men with the same previous mindset, who’ve already predecided before he met you, that your only value, if anything, is in how hard you work; once you actually learn to value yourself. You will NEVER get a good man, if everyone in the village is a bad man. The best you can do is be alone, or choose the lesser of two evils and give it the perspective of being good, because you feel it’s the best you can do.
Fascinating. Now if I were wounded, I would choose the man who wants to do nothing for me. But because I am healed, I know to go the other way.
Not wanting to see anything be easy for a black woman is the wound of the average black man. A woman better not ask him for ANYTHING other than d*ck and time. He values himself, but not her.
A black woman’s strength is actually a reflection of that wound. Her men not providing for her, is the reason she has fast risen to the top of society. Wealth and the ability to control her life makes her feel safe.
A woman has to feel safe. Either a man is going to give it to her, or she’s going to give it to herself.
Some women do both.
Then here comes the story of those same women, who now can’t keep a man!
The storyline just keeps going, and going, and going. Like everyone single needs to hire a dating coach.
I literally eat popcorn watching it all go down. Then I eat popcorn watching my clients cancel men, then show up with a new high value man who loves her and provides, AND she knows how to keep his attention.
So what I’ve learned is the people who want it, will pay to get answers, or research endlessly trying to piece things together.
Then by the time you finally piece it all together, 5 years have passed and you’re still single.
How many times have you found yourself, sitting alone in your room, when your conscious calls and tells you that you need love?
That you need a woman as sweet as a pearl or a man whose is wise, kind and handsome as you’ve always imagined.. How any times have you told yourself that you need love?
You feel you need love. You meet someone, then it seems like it just might go right. But it quickly fizzles out. You get frustrated. Sometimes it seems like love is fleeting.
Then you get up and go at it again. After all you gotta keep the dream alive. You go about your day, for maybe a few months… People pop up, but you’re super picky. They just won’t do. They like you. They may even be cute, just how you like it. But they’re missing something. Something inner that you know you need, and it’s absolutely a must and a requirement, cause you didn’t come to settle for anything less than the best.
A few more months go by and you meet someone. They catch your eye, or you’re simply having a cool conversation that seems to transpire into something. Then boom, the feelings of love start to come over you.
Panic sets in.
I mean it’s totally not the right time.
You have soooooo much work to do.
This person isn’t perfect, there are some minute things that don’t line up with your perfect list. So they just couldn’t be the one you say.
This person has this many kids.
They are this age.
Little things or maybe major things, that maybe aren’t really a big deal at all, start standing out to you.
After all, this time you decided to go all in. It just like has to match up perfectly this time.
Your heart start beating fast. You feel like a child again. This person lights you up.
You really like them. You even imagine the perfect life together with them.
But you’re scared that you’re making a bad decision again. You don’t know if you’re capable of making the right decision. You don’t trust yourself.
So now you start acting funny, doing little things, giving off little signs of confusion. The other person is just confused and scared as you. So now they read your confused signs as you not liking them, and they back up too.
So now you’re two people with these feelings.
Neither are discussing their emotions and what’s going on, for fear that it will scare the other person and make them feel like the other isn’t interested. So both carry on conversations with the other in their own minds, answer their own questions, and come to conclusions that aren’t even real.
Distance comes, walls go up.
Two people are stuck in time. Love that could’ve been has been chomped away by fear.
Yet you both said that you were ready for love.
The thing is, no matter what we say, we truly anticipate everything being perfect. We’re afraid to get hurt. So we move with caution. We are told to love people as they are, so we stop volunteering facts and tips that would help people become better mates. Cause you finally learned your lesson about fixing people. So now this person is in front of you needing healing, and you decided to stop being the healer….. Because being the healer has never worked out for you in the past.
Now you see where we’re at? We started out talking about love, and now we’re way over yonder on a different topic. That’s what’s happening to people. They are sabotaging their own love life by becoming less of themselves. Who are you going to find or attract the love of your life, when you’re too afraid to be you?
When you’re too afraid to be you, you operate in fear, altering your energetic frequency.
Even me, I noticed that men absolutely do not deal with with me when I’m too sweet. They are used to me being feisty. They can even accept me being feisty, but sweet is unfamiliar to them. She’s too nice. They think she has motives. But the feisty me, they know what they’re getting and can deal with her.
That’s why trying to change your personality to suit the world doesn’t help you. Sometimes we think we need to change ourselves to attract the right person, but at some point you gotta realize you are the right person, and you just have to be patient and wait till the right person comes who likes you just the way you are.
Here’s the other thing. You are amazing. I know you’re amazing, because that’s the kind of people who read my posts. You deserve an amazing person. When people are not amazing and don’t put in great effort into the love department, that’s misalignment. You’ll never be satisfied with such a person. THAT is where a great deal of your confusion comes in at.
Light & Love guides you wrong a lot of times, because people are just writing, talking and regurgitating. Half of the time their mates are basic AF. They don’t know the half about getting an amazing mate. They will tell you to put up with anything just to be loved. They’ll tell you to look over everything. They’ll tell you not to judge, to be unconditional and blah, blah, blah.
Always remember when the right one comes the fire and passion is there on both sides. This passion comes naturally. You just know in your soul. There is nothing to prove. They are just as drawn to you. Neither of you wants to be apart. That’s how this thing goes.
But see someone else would tell you that your problem is that you feel you’re not deserving of love. People rarely ever have a clue of what’s going on with high performing souls.
“Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control. We can love and care for others but we cannot possess our children, lovers, family, or friends. We can assist them, pray for them, and wish them well, yet in the end their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, not on our wishes.”—Jack Kornfield
From dealing with people and listening to their words I realize something. When people awaken and start talking about light and love and they discuss”healing.” It actually makes people understand love a lot less.
People tell you that the best way to love, is to let go of expectations, and you’ll instantly be set free.
It won’t. What people are doing is simply repeating what they’ve heard the next person saying or what they’ve read somewhere. To a person who is all about divine love, letting go of expectations makes absolutely no sense.
People who are deep in God love a different way from other humans. While other people may love with an “unhealed” heart, that’s not the definition of us.
I loved my ex’s as God would’ve loved them. The only reason it’s a problem is because they didn’t love themselves.
Even in light and love the new thing is to not have expectations of people. That sounds good, but the average woman no matter what her level of consciousness would be bone crushed if her husband up and left her for another woman.
No she’s absolutely not going to say “I didn’t have any expectations, anyway.” No she’s probably not going to wish him and his new mistress the best.
There are so many levels to the lies humans tell themselves.
On the other hand this is a chance to insert CLARITY on standards and values. For instance you have a boundary of no cheating. So what are you going to do when you find out your husband of 10 years has been cheating on you? Are you going to walk away cause you set a standard and a boundary? Probably not.
WHY? Because love and matters of the heart are not a logical thing. The conscious community teaches people to be logical in love.
People need to be taught what real love is. Even to love someone you’re in a relationship with doesn’t mean you’re going to stay in love no matter how much they hurt you. True LOVE is on condition that you treat a person right. If not you push them away and love them from a distance. Once that happens, often times over the years the love will fade, because love takes work to maintain, just like anything else. When you stay committed to one person and work on evolving love then you experience something other humans don’t.
I feel the conscious community is going to have people form a bunch of basic relationships with no depth. Your soul can not grow and ascend without love. Just being best friends with your mate with no true connection will bore at least one person in the relationship. COMMUNICATION and meeting one another’s needs is the key to evolving relationships.
So here is what I have pinpointed loving without expectations as.
Loving without expectations means being grounded enough into your identity to be able to love someone else, despite their imperfections.
This goes back to you’re not perfect, I’m not perfect, and there probably is no such thing as a perfect love, besides God, and even then we often wish he’d love us more so that our dreams would manifest a lot faster.
To love someone without expectations means to love them even when they are not utilizing your love language and to be accepting that people don’t always love the same way you do.
It means being willing to go through the dry, boring AF phase of dealing with someone who is unable to express their love in a way that you can receive it. For instance a man could text you twice a week, vs the other women he only texts them once per week. Even though his actions to a sane person clearly show no romantic love, if he says to you “Hey. I’m putting in real effort here. I love you. I’m sorry you can’t feel it, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Maybe you have a block up.”
Then you sit there and say “Okay.” Let me try this his way and you keep going week after week with his same love pattern. You dropped your expectations of him, and each week you become more bored and more bored. Loving this person feels awful. However you don’t get upset, cause Lord forbid you have emotions, plus you weren’t supposed to have expectations, so at this point you stop communicating with them and bid them the best with no hard feelings. You do this because you understand that he loved the best way he can.
Loving someone without exceptions isn’t about being a sucker for love and allowing someone to abuse you. It’s letting go of anyone who mistreats you or hurts you time and time again, and having no hard feelings towards them. It means not exchanging bitter words afterwords, even when you’re crying so hard you can’t see straight or say clear sentences.
Loving someone without expectations means knowing they aren’t perfect, but neither are you.
You can never love anyone more than you love yourself.
This goes back to people who are deep in God and also love themselves. Do you realize how much love you have to give? You’re a great big ball of love. Your love is pure expansion. Loving without expectations will have you bored out of your mind watching people basic dating behavior.
So your standard of dating must be to mate with someone who loves love just as much as you do.
There is freedom in letting go of expectations.
There is freedom in loving someone through their boring bits and realizing that love doesn’t have to look they way you’ve imagined it. This isn’t complacency—this is seeing someone as they truly are and making the conscious decision to either love them or let them go.
I tried this with someone recently and the results were beautiful. Not only was I able to see them in a better light and see the beauty of their soul, but I also learned a few things about myself. After a while though I had to let go, cause anything less than immense love will bore me. People are going to be people and (almost) everyone is trying as hard as they can. Most people haven’t figured it out at all, they are going to hurt you and they might not even know it.
I struggle to find stable ground sometimes; to find the balance between sticking up for myself and letting go because I don’t want to waste my time or anyone else’s. However my experiments while not dating, have truly set me up to have a beautiful relationship now that I’m ready to call in a mate.
I love people so much and don’t feel bad about sharing my love with people, because inevitably, when you love the people you are surrounded by as much as you can, it all comes back to you one way or another. So do the best you can, love yourself, love your people, be open to possibilities and trust that the rest will come.
“Cassie is living right now, if you’re not a hater, you can shake your head in amazement and excitement for her. The singer and model, who just turned 33 yesterday and is pregnant with her first child with beau Alex Fine, shared video of him proposing to her on August 24. Alex, who is a trainer, professional bull rider and loves riding horses, got help from Compton Cowboys to put on something of a country Western proposal.
“This moment will always be so special to me,” he wrote on Instagram. “I get to marry my best friend in the whole world. How am I so lucky!”
Cassie shared the good news with the caption, “My favorite day ever! #MrsFine.”
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I read the article and I wondered some things to myself. I even asked myself if I considered this a “glow up.” I thought about how it had only been a year and she’s already pregnant by a new man. Meanwhile I was so hurt after my last breakup that it took me a year just to let a man take me out on a date. I truly did a lot of healing on myself. I saw where I went wrong. That’s not to say that anyone should follow my same path or share the same experiences.
So I wondered if this was a fast move by Cassie to try to recover from Diddy and show him that someone else would not only love her, appreciate her, treat her like a Queen and give her a baby and a ring. I’m not here to judge, but it feels to me like more of a “Take that Diddy!”
Twitter is lit with the YESes stating that Cassie found the man she was supposed to be with. While it may seem that way, not is Twitter mostly sleep af, with no understanding of reality, I also think back to Evelyn Lozada who quickly popped up pregnant on a beach after breaking up with Ocho. She quickly married a baseball star. THAT was definitely a level up. Yet that relationship eventually ended too. So I know how women think and how they move. Sometimes after a breakup they barely give themselves a chance to figure out what it is they truly want; as they are too busy trying to prove to the last man how much of a catch she is and what he lost out on.
By giving myself that space and time to heal, I have ultimately learned that what I truly like is a brilliant man. Just that tidbit of information has changed my life and gave me a great deal of understanding about myself.
Anyway, Cassie recovered her life after spending a decade letting Diddy play her like a fiddle without marrying her.
If a man hasn’t proposed to you by the 2-year-mark, his loyalty towards you is questionable. Many women don’t want to accept this, but it’s the truth. Men always know what they want. They will definitely bide time with you as they figure it out.
This is also the thing that women have to realize. There is always a man out there willing to give you your dream on a platter. When you settle for less than your soul desires it won’t work out. Money doesn’t change that.
Cassie has always been a Queen, but Diddy treated her like a sh*tty sidechick. She didn’t leave. She waited until Diddy was done with her. Lucky she’s only 33 so she had plenty of time to recover.
Don’t let these men talk you up out of your hopes and dreams. You deserve to have it all. I know men often sit you down and tell you that they are not going to give you A,B,C,D & E and it confuses you cause you really like him, and you want him to be your dream man. But he has his own plans. That plan doesn’t include being the dream man for you. Settling and doing it his way may work and it may not work. The question is, Will You Be Happy? Or will you have to yearn for another man to come in and give you the things your man won’t?
Women often sacrifice so much for the sake of a relationship. Then you look up at Steve Harvey’s wife and that woman is put on a pedestal. Steve’s life has rapidly changed since then. The one deep lesson I’ve learned about love is that women need a man who wants to give her the world. What good man wants his wife to be the woman who gets half of him, while her girlfriends can brag about how good their man is? Highly successful, happy men, understand how important their wife is.
You want the man who goes hard for you. You don’t ever want to be the woman looking at other women wondering why she’s being treated like a Queen and you’re not. THAT’S the man reason many women lack confidence. You’ve never had a man pour immense love into and you also don’t know how to pour that love into yourself. I know these things cause I pour a lot of love into people and my clients and heal them from a lifetime of not seeing themselves.
A Goddess requires a man who wants more from you than just pleasure. Average men rush to have sex with a woman, and expect her body without giving her anything. It’s wise for a woman to stop laying down with men who wont offer a COMMITTMENT to you first, and more importantly, stop thinking sex will MAKE him commit.
When you’re a single mother struggling and your kids are suffering, you gotta take some accountability for who you chose to have a kid with. You chose to have a kid with a man who didn’t truly love you or care about his seeds.
A lot of these average men and even some above average men are walking around looking for something. He doesn’t know what he wants. So let me tell you. He’s looking for a woman that’s going to be so damn phenomenal that he says phuck all those other bishes, this is the one right here. Then he commits to her, wants to take care of her, be in the home of and provide for his wife and kids. He’s looking for the woman that evokes that desire in him.
Until a man wants to provide for all of your needs and make all of your dreams come true, he’s just settling for you.
So many woman, love to brag about being married in order to try to tease single women. I’m never impressed by those types. I look at their man an he never looks all that. He’s just so basic looking man. Most times he also doesn’t provide. A woman will make a whole relationship business off of saying she’s married to TEAM BASIC. That’s not for me. I definitely know how to get a basic man to marry me. I even know how to get a rich man to marry me. I’m only here for my soulmate. That’s who I’m going to marry. My soulmate is rich.
Plus these days does a man really want to send his woman to work to work for another man? Couldn’t ya’ll work on a business together. I’ve seen too many of my clients whose husbands support their business. Those husbands understand that they married a boss chick, and simply flows with her. And they win, cause as a man he provided space for his wife to be her full creative self.
Cause on the other end a lot of women are being taken care of and aren’t creating anything other than babies. I don’t look down on those women. It’s simply not my thing. I love creating profitable business ideas.
All I’m saying is that if you’re a Goddess you need a man with plans to prosper you.
Recently I realized that I’d been unintentionally putting myself last. I was caring about everyone else and their feelings, while making my own unimportant. WHY? Because I know that my own emotions are simply just storylines.
But by doing so I wasn’t fully showing up. Every time you make yourself appear less than to appease other people you block your own light from shining.
It’s quite a process of understanding this.
But once I shifted into notgivingaphuckness, then the question came “Well who am I now?” The answer to that is you are nothing and no one, but everything.
I stopped giving af about all of the unanswered messages in my inbox. I stopped caring about being so kind to men, who weren’t even being super kind to me. I stop giving them loads of empathy for being a basic man.
I stopped focusing on empathy for everyone who comes half azz, and really sunk my heart into my tribe. They go hard. They show up and they try. They desperately search for answers to get the keys out of life.
I’m looking forward to my client calls this week. I enjoy working with people who are actively working on getting past their blocks in order to accomplish dream life.
