How To Love Without Expectations

“Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control. We can love and care for others but we cannot possess our children, lovers, family, or friends. We can assist them, pray for them, and wish them well, yet in the end their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, not on our wishes.”—Jack Kornfield

From dealing with people and listening to their words I realize something. When people awaken and start talking about light and love and they discuss”healing.” It actually makes people understand love a lot less.

People tell you that the best way to love, is to let go of expectations, and you’ll instantly be set free. 

It won’t.  What people are doing is simply repeating what they’ve heard the next person saying or what they’ve read somewhere.  To a person who is all about divine love, letting go of expectations makes absolutely no sense.

People who are deep in God love a different way from other humans. While other people may love with an “unhealed” heart, that’s not the definition of us.

I loved my ex’s as God would’ve loved them. The only reason it’s a problem is because they didn’t love themselves.

Even in light and love the new thing is to not have expectations of people. That sounds good, but the average woman no matter what her level of consciousness would be bone crushed if her husband up and left her for another woman.

No she’s absolutely not going to say “I didn’t have any expectations, anyway.” No she’s probably not going to wish him and his new mistress the best.

There are so many levels to the lies humans tell themselves.

On the other hand this is a chance to insert CLARITY on standards and values. For instance you have a boundary of no cheating. So what are you going to do when you find out your husband of 10 years has been cheating on you? Are you going to walk away cause you set a standard and a boundary? Probably not.

WHY? Because love and matters of the heart are not a logical thing. The conscious community teaches people to be logical in love.

People need to be taught what real love is. Even to love someone you’re in a relationship with doesn’t mean you’re going to stay in love no matter how much they hurt you. True LOVE is on condition that you treat a person right. If not you push them away and love them from a distance. Once that happens, often times over the years the love will fade, because love takes work to maintain, just like anything else. When you stay committed to one person and work on evolving love then you experience something other humans don’t.

I feel the conscious community is going to have people form a bunch of basic relationships with no depth. Your soul can not grow and ascend without love. Just being best friends with your mate with no true connection will bore at least one person in the relationship. COMMUNICATION and meeting one another’s needs is the key to evolving relationships.

So here is what I have pinpointed loving without expectations as.

Loving without expectations means being grounded enough into your identity to be able to love someone else, despite their imperfections.  

This goes back to you’re not perfect, I’m not perfect, and there probably is no such thing as a perfect love, besides God, and even then we often wish he’d love us more so that our dreams would manifest a lot faster. 

To love someone without expectations means to love them even when they are not utilizing your love language and to be accepting that people don’t always love the same way you do.

It means being willing to go through the dry, boring AF phase of dealing with someone who is unable to express their love in a way that you can receive it.  For instance a man could text you twice a week, vs the other women he only texts them once per week.  Even though his actions to a sane person clearly show no romantic love, if he says to you “Hey. I’m putting in real effort here.  I love you. I’m sorry you can’t feel it, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Maybe you have a block up.”

Then you sit there and say “Okay.” Let me try this his way and you keep going week after week with his same love pattern. You dropped your expectations of him, and each week you become more bored and more bored.  Loving this person feels awful. However you don’t get upset, cause Lord forbid you have emotions, plus you weren’t supposed to have expectations, so at this point you stop communicating with them and bid them the best with no hard feelings. You do this because you understand that he loved the best way he can.

Loving someone without exceptions isn’t about being a sucker for love and allowing someone to abuse you. It’s letting go of anyone who mistreats you or hurts you time and time again, and having no hard feelings towards them.  It means not exchanging bitter words afterwords, even when you’re crying so hard you can’t see straight or say clear sentences.

Loving someone without expectations means knowing they aren’t perfect, but neither are you.

You can never love anyone more than you love yourself.

This goes back to people who are deep in God and also love themselves. Do you realize how much love you have to give? You’re a great big ball of love.  Your love is pure expansion.  Loving without expectations will have you bored out of your mind watching people basic dating behavior.

So your standard of dating must be to mate with someone who loves love just as much as you do.

There is freedom in letting go of expectations.

There is freedom in loving someone through their boring bits and realizing that love doesn’t have to look they way you’ve imagined it. This isn’t complacency—this is seeing someone as they truly are and making the conscious decision to either love them or let them go.

I tried this with someone recently and the results were beautiful. Not only was I able to see them in a better light and see the beauty of their soul, but I also learned a few things about myself.  After a while though I had to let go, cause anything less than immense love will bore me. People are going to be people and (almost) everyone is trying as hard as they can. Most people haven’t figured it out at all, they are going to hurt you and they might not even know it.

I struggle to find stable ground sometimes; to find the balance between sticking up for myself and letting go because I don’t want to waste my time or anyone else’s. However my experiments while not dating, have truly set me up to have a beautiful relationship now that I’m ready to call in a mate. 

I love people so much and don’t feel bad about sharing my love with people, because inevitably, when you love the people you are surrounded by as much as you can, it all comes back to you one way or another. So do the best you can, love yourself, love your people, be open to possibilities and trust that the rest will come.

 

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