When I write blogs about love and relationships, I often ask myself should I just write this simple, and take myself out of it, in order to appear more professional or should I simply write from the heart. Most times I choose to write from the heart. My blogs aren’t about me, but my life experiences are the reason I’m so good. It’s the reason I understand people. I’m not regurgitating what I’ve read or heard. I write the truth that I’ve lived or witnessed through others.
Today, I look back at my past relationships and throw in my current relationships and experience, and came to the realization of just how much we as humans allow timing to play such an important role in our love lives.
Love itself is fascinating to me, although dating itself isn’t really that interesting to me. As dating in my eyes is really simple, however the majority of the world doesn’t see it that way.
Therefore, when it comes to love, we all get screwed royally, some kind of way. We get screwed because we all carry baggage. The more relationships you have and the older you get, the more baggage you carry.
We as humans are walking around with tons of emotional baggage, unpacking it slowly in the front of the others.
When people explain their relationship problems, on the surface it appears to be cultural differences, geographic location, finances, lack of appreciation, lack of understanding, and not being valued. Yet it’s all really the same problem.
Timing. Timing is everything, even when you don’t want it to be.
It is challenging to build a long lasting relationship if two people are not mentally aligned and on the same page. If you and your potential partner stand too far away from each other, the relationship is doomed before it even begins.
When two people meet they each have their own inner clock ticking faster or slower, determining what they think, how they feel and what they want the next couple years to look like. This causes various scenarios.
However I have noticed that it’s simply not that simple for people who are walking in their purpose and seeking a soulmate.
For instance, someone who is walking in their purpose, is already planning far beyond the next few years. They are planning out a lifetime. Add in this person may be coming off of a recent heartbreak and this really alters their thinking pattern. Such a person is extremely careful on whom they will choose as a mate. They tend to overthink things and overcomplicate things, because of fear. They begin to fear that the relationship won’t be perfect, which will slow them down and delay the manifestation of their empire. Instead of focusing on the HOW a relationship could work, fear keeps them focused on the how it may not work. Fear and past baggage acquired can make it extremely difficult for even the most enlightened person to choose a mate.
If one is mentally mature to commit to an everlasting relationship, he/she will behave accordingly. If he isn’t, he will act like he isn’t.
Neither of them are wrong.
If one person is heading North and the other heading West, it’s going to take a while for them to arrive at the same destination.
There is always an opportunity for a second chance, but chances are if it didn’t go right the first time around, it’s because it wasn’t meant to be. I believe you have to appreciate what’s in front of you when it’s there.
The first time I saw my recent ex the timing was perfect for me. But we didn’t talk. Two years later we met and talked, and in a way I felt like I hadn’t had a chance to explore the new me. But I tossed that thought to the side and went all in. I began to feel like the timing was perfect. But it wasn’t, because that man had no understanding of my value. He also didn’t walk in his purpose, so even though I helped him greatly, he couldn’t understand my value because he wasn’t walking in his purpose and had no way to truly incorporate the depth of my help. I tried to guide him into it, but he wouldn’t go. Later in life he’ll look back and realize how much he messed up a great relationship and opportunity. Later, cause time gives people clarity and changes them.
Meanwhile I met another guy who is walking in his purpose, and I can easily help him fulfill his purpose, but he’s deeply obsessed with building his company, and I’m deeply obsessed with building mine. It seems like a given to simply come together and build together, but other factors come into play that involve time, and suddenly what seems like an easy empire creation seems like maybe it’s not meant to be.
In other cases I have men who are also not necessarily walking in their purpose who’ve I met more than 7 years ago, and suddenly, they want to marry me. Neither is big on their physical appearance and I’m not either’s dream girl. I’m simply the smartest, wisest, most money getting, most beautiful, fun combination of a woman they’ve ever met, who is also nice to them. To them, there’s really nothing special about me, other than the fact that I’m a hot commodity. Now that they are comfortable with me and no longer intimidated, they believe they have a chance to capture my heart… Something they should’ve sought to do 7 years ago. Seven years ago my market value wasn’t as high as it is now. I wasn’t a Goddess back then. Now the whole world is aware of me and I’m aware of myself. I’m also not willing to settle for less now.
After I broke up with my ex, I met an amazing man. Right away he saw me like no other man had ever saw me. But I was heartbroken and wasn’t emotionally available. He tried to fly me out to him, but I would’t get on the plane. Others also tried and I wouldn’t get on the plane. I was too busy being heartbroken, not wanting to pull anyone into my vortex and have them fall in love with me. I knew that I would be unable to return the love, at the time.
I could easily say that I needed time to heal. I could easily say that because I was emotionally unavailable that any man who tried had no chance with me. I could even say that I was hurting and obviously on dates I wouldn’t be my normal high-vibe self. We often feel mentally lost after a break-up. I personally felt lost with no sense of reality.
But here is where the truth comes in at. We choose to feel lost, and figure it out, instead of mentally resetting. Also, that man wasn’t good enough for me. Otherwise, I would’ve went with it. I could blame it on time. But the truth is he didn’t present a package good enough to make me want to explore with him. So instead, I opted to work on healing my pain; by myself. He may have been just what I needed emotionally. But the package wasn’t Dream Life. It was presented to me as basic, and I’m not about to live a basic life with anyone. When something was presented to me that was beyond basic and closer aligned to my dream life, I kissed heartbreak goodbye. I decided to pay attention to him, WHILE I continued to heal.
Many people choose the most convenient medicine to make them feel better after a break-up. Some choose dating apps, dating various people, sexing various people, traveling, eating ice cream, drinking, partying, and anything to increase their confidence; therefore by pretty much avoiding real healing.
Pushing men away and taking time to heal and see where I went wrong has made me a better mate and a better woman and human being over-all. My new insight is beneficial to all who encounter me. By the time I met a man who pulled me out of my heartbreak, my healed state helped him heal from his old wounds. Maybe at another time I wouldn’t have been able to help him in such a way.
So there is another layer to timing. Every season isn’t a season for love. Some seasons are for healing and to get to know thyself. Yet, you could very well meet the love of your life during your off season.
In that time you must make a decision to either be confused in fear, to push them away, or to let go of the plans you made, recenter, refocus and recreate plans around them.
Here’s another truth.
There Is No “Right Person, Wrong Time.”
The real “right person” is timeless, and right regardless.
An individual is most apt to date someone who appears to be a living, breathing, manifestation of what they most desire at that point in their life. Like a woman dating a sugar daddy cause she needs money. Or a man dating a young woman because he wants to feel young and alive again.
Or a person will date someone who fills in the blanks of what they tend to be missing at that point in their life. Like dating someone fun, who lacks in responsibilities cause they make you laugh. Or dating a doer cause you need help getting out of your own head. I know one guy who will end up with whatever woman is nice to him and has a passport. He’s really that simple and wants a well traveled woman. Whatever relationship he ends up in will surely fall apart, for lack of depth.
But that’s not the kind of decisions most people who follow me tend to make. You make decisions about your mate based upon your purpose and where you plan to be 20-years from now. You know your end-goal. You know what you need from your mate. You’re seeking a life partner whom you connect with in business and love. You want someone you can take over the world with. It’s Pinky & The Brain. So no matter when you find it, whether you’re in your off season or not, you’re going to be lead to explore it.
The truth is:
The people you meet at the wrong time are simply the wrong people.
Saying it’s the right person at the wrong time is simply making excuses to not try. It’s a pre-designed reason to bow out early in the game. It’s you telling the other person “You are not worthy of any inconvenience.”
Subconsciously you don’t realize that’s what you’re doing. However a deeper truth is that you fear making a bad decision. You fear it won’t work out. You fear they won’t fully accept you and all of your baggage and imperfections.
When fear comes before love, it’s also a sign that it’s the wrong person. Love always trumps fear, even when you’re the most sane, logical person. Love is illogical. It’s a drug that takes over you. It hurts just as much to lose it, as it does to try to stop it from taking you hostage. Except you’ve built up enough logic to escape it, as long as the other person doesn’t do what it takes to pull you in closer and deeper. Not deeply connecting to another human makes you feel safe and in control.
I don’t exactly know how it goes, but I do know that we all have choices and that when you do meet a soulmate, the connection is often instant. There’s not much to think about. It just is.
The right person is always on time because love is always good.
There’s no such thing as, “I just wish I’d met them two years later/five years sooner” / or some indistinct other place in time where the things you’ve made into blockers would magically make this meant to be.
Whatever is meant to be will be because you’ll decide it will and shall be.
It’s not “time,” and it’s not space honey. It’s us. We decide.
Even when we think we’ve patched ourselves up, heartbreak to a conscious person takes a bigger hold over you than you may realize. It makes many second guess yourself. It makes you fail to decide.
When the right person comes along, no matter the time, if that’s who you want to be with, you’re going to eventually say “Okay. I don’t quite understand this. The timing isn’t the best. But I can clearly see how this person aligns with my future. I’m going to figure out how or if we can make this work.”
The decision to let go and surrender seems to evade some of the most amazing people who know they make great mates.
I have the most amazing clients and sometimes I’m like “I know he or she knows.” They know how to get what they want. They have it in every other area of life, except love. They are comfortable not having what they want in love.
The real problem here is lack of trust. Partially lack of trust in yourself and your decisions in a mate, and lack of trust in others. You don’t want to waste your time or anyone else’s time. You don’t want to make a mistake. You don’t know if it’s aligned and right for you. So you intentionally throw monkey wrenches in to create distance. More confusion comes because you want to figure out how to be safe, instead of simply feeling safe.
You know God is not the author of confusion. But you weren’t confused when you got with your last mate. Eventually you went all in. You decided to make it work. It was really that simple.
Guess what? It still is. It always is. Whatever you want to work, works. You just have to decide who you want to make it work with and be sure that they share your same mindset, are on the same page as you, and want to make it work too. You seek a like-minded soul with your same heart and character.
When the love is real, you see opportunities rather than excuses.
Remember how you were before you got your heart broke, before you became conscious and enlightened, before you really had the big picture of your purpose? Remember how unafraid of love you were? Remember how safe you thought it was to love? You gotta find that version of you again.
The right people are timeless. You’d wade across parallel Universes just to be with them. The right people are in perfect alignment with your future. The right people don’t make you hmm and wonder about whether or not you want to be with them; you just know… It hits you out of the blue and you’re like “Wait! What just happened? Where did this come from?” It comes when you least expect it. 😂 Love is sneaky AF!
You realize that no matter what you may have wanted before, this is better. You can clearly see a brighter future with them. Everything is better since they came along. You can SEE yourself with them till the end of time. The vision is already in your head. No matter what your fears and doubts say, that vision is there just as plain as day, without you having to think much about it. It formed itself.
For the right person you’d even wait till the end of time, but you don’t have to, because there they are right in front of you.
When you and your soulmate are both alive, it’s the perfect time. There are no doubts because nothing and no one can replace them. You get to a point where you can’t see yourself with anyone else.
As to the past relationships, you had to eventually see yourself without them, because you began to feel like you deserved to be treated better. Maybe you didn’t see a person replacing them, but your energy DECIDED to let go of them. That’s how the relationship ended. In the beginning, in the middle, and in the end, it’s all based on a decision. Those who live till death do them apart, DECIDED to stay together till the end of time. Sometimes they decide after cheating, and trying other things out, and the other person wanting them back cause they’ve invested so much time already. It’s still a decision.
Saying it’s the right person at the wrong time is simply an obstacle to Oneness of Spirit.
Time and decisions go together like white on rice, like peanut butter and jelly, like sugar and kool-aid, and like love and marriage.
Decide that you are truly ready to call them in. Decide that you are ready. Decide that you are no longer getting ready to be ready.
Surrender to love.
If you insist on still getting ready to be ready, here is another tip.
See people as a human being and not as your ideal manifestation. See people in healthy ways, and not just in a manner that fills gaps in your heart. Ready yourself by not waiting on the universe to hand you the perfect person. But instead getting your mind and things right in preparation for them. Give yourself a timeline of how long you’re going to take to get ready.
If you do this then you’ll meet someone who doesn’t make you wonder if now is the right time. You’ll be able to trust and listen to the intuition of your soul again. You’ll be able to surrender to love.
P.S. No man can see the end of God’s plans. They only reveal themselves on the path. This is why surrendering and letting go is so important. Trying to see stuff through to the end and control every part of your life, simply doesn’t always work.
Plus out of the billons of years the earth has existed, I wasn’t born 200 years ago. Neither were you. Therefore we are alive together on this planet right now. That is not a coincidence.
If two people want to be together, they have to understand that.
So if there is someone you truly want to be with don’t waste another of the few precious moments we’re given to coexist. Life is what you make of it. It’s created by the decisions that you make.