The real reason so many women walk around broken after ending a bad relationship

by | Love & Relationships

The #1 problem most broken women have is that they failed to lose respect for the man who cheated on them and/or mistreated them. So they stayed and watched him cheat time and time again. They watched him keep talking to the girl who “isn’t anything to worry about,” while continuing to fully love him and cook meals for him. So in the end when she finally decides she’s had enough, he hates her and wants to take her down. He starts taking from her and actually  tries to pull her down. He tries to break her. Suddenly it’s revenge against her and he’s telling everyone that SHE is the bad person.

At that point a bad man’s go to tends to be financial abuse. They will stop paying her bills, steal her money, withhold money, or take things from her that she has to spend money to replace… Others start to tell her nobody wants her, in order to further damage her self-esteem. Both methods are to make her feel like she can’t live without him. For the most part, by this point, she’s already broken down…

A woman has to understand that she will not get rewarded for spending her life with a no good man. He doesn’t even realize that by keeping a girl on the side he’s never going to keep the unconditional love you’re attempting to bless him him. He doesn’t realize he’s messing up his own relationship. He now blames you for putting up with it for so long. He thought he would eventually wear you down. Especially after dropping 4 kids in you.  Most times, before he even meets you he’s met a succession of women who put up with the same things, and they too still love him, still yearn for him, and remain a side chick for him, always available to him whenever he temporarily wants her back.

The chick was the sidechick when he had a whole wife, she’s been down for whatever, whenever. Even though he left the wife, found new chicks and still didn’t marry her… She does not care if you’re the most amazing woman in the world, who waits on him hand and foot. No way she’s going to tell him, “Hey, maybe you should do right by this one.” Instead he calls her to talk bad about you, and she agrees with it all, keeping him under her spell. Keeping him from succeeding…  Or he uses your relationship with him as a valuable woman to wield over her head. She now thinks she has something over you, because your no good man keeps talking to her. He won’t let her go, so even though he won’t actually chose her, she feels her vagina is superior.. The psychology behind a low self-esteem woman runs deep.  That is what you are unknowingly competing with. You can’t win against that.  A man can not like a woman who owns her own business and one who works the register of McDonald’s at the same time.    What’s more important to him will always be the one on the lower end.  The one on the higher end is for the sake of societal looks.  His penis though really enjoys the less end. This is why it’s important to dismiss a man when you see him cheating with the less thans. It’s sending you such a clear message about what he values.

A permanent side-chick doesn’t care about you and his relationship. She wants to see him happy, only with her.  She doesn’t love him in a way that she wants him to be happy with a good woman with standards. She constantly  jumps while desperately waving her hand, informing him that she will love him and put up with anything. So you having the audacity to have standards, makes you a bad and difficult woman in his eyes. That sidechick/phuckboy love is something else.  It’s all stemmed in selfishness and lack of successful future plans. Neither actually value themselves. Otherwise why would they intentionally invite so much chaos into their life? Bro now thinks that basic azz behavior is normal… Plus don’t forget the fact that they are playing on a team against you… You are sleeping with the enemy, and he wants peace when he comes home. You’d better not get upset with him.

The insanity of it all! Sometimes good women think they will be an exception to the rule. But the real rule is a man with no plans to be righteous in the relationship, plans to destroy the relationship. For every woman wakes up eventually…

This applies to both men and women.

You have no choice but to set a standard of what you will and won’t accept. Once they cross that boundary twice that’s an official notification of the way they feel about you and themselves.  At that point you can’t deny it… But you stay because you want to be a good woman to a man who doesn’t even know what a good woman is, let alone her value.  That is when you have to accept the fact that you are a willing participant in the chaos. (It’s hard to value something you can’t see. If you’re a good woman, only a good man will SEE you and treat you as such.)

Women will stay and maintain respect for an abusive man, instead of looking at him like the b*tch that he is. Keeping respect for him keeps your hurting over him.

For the most part, I see this with women who grew up with fathers. For some reason they will stick around to let a man destroy them. They become emotionally unstable and living in constant embarrassment. Classy women don’t want to hang out with the girl who fights her baby daddy’s side chick. And she doesn’t understand why. (Hood chicks are taught by no good men to fight other women for them. They take a lot of pride in fighting and being hardcore for a man who will continue to screw the both of them, with no condom. Their hood friends condone the behavior… Just like the friends of bad men condone their behavior. Birds of a feather flock together.)

Some women with fathers want so badly for a man to love them, the same way their father did. They will put up with WAY more than average, and it should be the opposite.  On the other hand,  women with no father figure will quickly say f*ck him! All respect lost.  Why would you respect a man who mistreats you? If you’re such a Queen, and you’re the, doesn’t a man have to be stupid af to not treat you right? Well okay. Treat him as such by telling him to kick rocks.


Women with no father figure  also have a very difficult time respecting a man who isn’t a real man or a man who actually needs her money or brilliance, but pretends he doesn’t. He tries to undervalue her. Such a strong woman knows when their balls are bigger than the male standing in front of them. She can see when he’s looking to snatch from her and take credit for everything. He gets labeled as a B*ch azz n*gga in her eyes.  Her eyes start seeing real truths.

This is also particularly relevant to black women, and something society does not understand about black women. They say they don’t need a man, because the average black male they meet doesn’t treat her like a real man would. She has to do everything for him or watch him cheat, while she works 3 times harder than him, and pays all the bills.  How could she respect such a man???  It’s crazy. 🤷‍♀️  Now say I’m lying.

Remy Ma is disrespectful af. But do you see her disrespecting her husband? Nope. Because he’s a real man with plans to prosper her. He makes her look better because he loves her, values her, is down for her, wants to see her shine and treats her right. It’s a beautiful thing to see a man treat the woman he loves like a Queen, as he should.

Although this post is relative to women in general, I think it’s extremely important for a black women to know their own truths. Don’t let society diagnose you. When a real man comes along you will get that attitude in order. End of story. You’re tired of broke men and men who fail to appreciate you.  Now do yourself a favor and go the other way.

People have no idea how much uplifting a lot of black women try to do with average men.  She’s so loving and unselfish that she doesn’t know that she shouldn’t feel sorry for a man who can’t afford to meet her standards.  A man not cheating on a woman doesn’t cost a thing, but still a no good one would rather cheat.  That’s more important to him than building a legacy. He doesn’t value his own life, so why should you? He’s capable of making the same about of money as you Sis, but he doesn’t because he doesn’t try as hard as you do.  Stop feeling sorry for him Sis. He won’t appreciate you and more than likely you’re only building him up for the next woman, who now gets to look at him with respect because you taught him how to be a real man and gave him the tools and resources to do so…  You mothered him. Sadly he more than likely will hate you for it. You won’t receive appreciation for it.  Now you look like a woman who doesn’t value herself… Because society says if you did value yourself, you’d be with a good man who can afford you. You don’t get cool points for sympathy. Instead you get taken advantage of. (If it worked out for you GREAT! But don’t think that’s the norm.)


After the break-up, female “victims” of  bad relationships now realize they’ve spent  5-years loving him, while he mistreated her. Then she’s going to spend another 5 years in Facebook groups – crying, devastated, calling herself a victim, spending her days crying about how bad her relationship was, crying about how hurt she is, and screaming about how she’s never going to date again.  She’s extremely broken… Meanwhile other women are living their best lives… Gold diggers with no heart, are living it up. Other women with good men are living it up.   Even the man who did her wrong is living his best life with his latest victim… Or he may even decide to be a good man to her, because she has standards and boundaries.

I’ve watched so many good women devastated over trying to love a man with no plans. I see these women emotionally devastated for years. Constantly crying, feeling unworthy, unlovable, depressed and stuck in a negative emotional cycle.

Personally – I lost respect for any male who I previously got into a relationship with me, and continued to do stupid stuff. In such cases, I signaled my brain to lose respect in order to counteract my heart. Cause the heart will just keep right on loving, day after day, year after year. You have to use your brain to remove yourself. #LogicOverEmotions

If you got yourself into the situation sometimes you must break your own heart and walk away while you’re still in love. Because that love for him is not serving you. While painful, You must learn to love yourself more than you love him. Your pure love should be reserved for a man who loves and appreciates you.

You actually have to place value on a good man, so that you will look down at a bad man. In order to have standards there must be something you don’t like. You can’t like everything and stand for everything and expect to get what you want.  A bad man has to be beneath you.

The better moral standards you have, the better chance you have of maintaining a healthy, happy, successful relationship. A  woman who wants more, can only pretend to be happy with less for so long…  At the very least, a man should treat you well and love you like a Queen.

Some men say they want a Proverbs 31 wife, but wouldn’t know how to treat her if they found her. Most wouldn’t even be able to recognize her.