It’s been over a year and I still miss my ex very much. My heart breaks every day. What should I do?

by | Love & Relationships

I saw this comment and believe that it will bring healing to many people. So I’m sharing it.

“This is a short answer and hopefully it brings an alternative to your feelings. I used to feel so deeply for someone , and going on two years after our breakup I would yearn for him, ache for him and just miss terribly. I thought I’d never get over him. I listened to what others said and the advice attached to it— “just get over it”, “see new people”, “LET GO”, “come to acceptance with it”, “go no contact” etc etc. But honestly none of that worked. Maybe temporarily, at most for a few weeks. It was heart aching cycle. Mainly because he was a good man.

At some point close to the two years of me not seeing him, we reconnected. With casual conversation on social media and then we met up. He was coming out of a relationship so I really had no intentions other than to fufill my own desires of seeing him and speaking to him. I had missed him so much. We met by a lake, walked around and pretty much re-discovered ourselves again, got caught up. In the almost-two years; we’d both had grown, changed in different ways. Quite a bit actually. I realized as the night went on, and from the days and nights that continued on from then that my heart was no longer attached to him.

Whomever he was becoming was great actually, but it wasn’t who I saw myself with. I hadn’t realized it but I had grown too and my desires couldn’t be met by him anymore. I slowly started shifting my perspective of him. He started to look more like a good friend rather than my forever partner which I had truly believed at some point.

I guess my point is, sometimes it’s ok to go against general advice and maybe you should contact or see this person again. Sometimes you’ll surprise yourself. Maybe you’ll find you’re in love and so are they or maybe you’ll find you’re far from it and it was just infatuation taking over for nearly a year.

Either way, I don’t see the damage it could do. Because honestly, had I listened to everyone’s advice and stayed away, I think I’d be still madly attached to him.

PS. What I have learned is the mind has an obscene way of making things appear greater or worse than they really are. The thing with infatuation is we tend to overlook the not-so-great things that didn’t make the relationship work to begin with. It’s almost as if they become non-existent. So much so to the point that we paint this picture that doesn’t exist. And from my experience, if your attachment is as heavy as you feel, there’s a great chance that your mind has almost eroded all of the things that counted towards the demise of the relationship. Just always be wary of this when you are considering how deep you are feeling for this person.”

~ Claudia Kay