I need a man who protects, provides and says “You can have whatever you like!”

by | Love & Relationships

If you’re not aware by now, I’ve been on a path of spiritual enlightenment for about a year now. A spiritual awakening caused me to walk away from my 6 figure gossip/crime blog, breakup with my boyfriend, walk away from my  fanpage of 500,000 followers, get baptized and become a spiritual life coach.

Now this week has been a totally transcending week of me receiving things that I didn’t even ask for.  It’s the first week in a year, where I admit to taking it easy and not doing much work. But what’s really interesting this week is how several men showed up to provide for me. I feel like this week has been what my entire life has been leading up to. A spiritual discovery about myself and men.

On Monday I had a friend fly in to Vegas for a few hours just to take me to dinner. Before he got on the plane, he texted me and told me that he was boarding  and what time he would be here. He got here and went to check into his hotel.  He then sends me two options on restaurants, a dining in the dark place and an Italian spot. I opted for the Italian spot and he made a reservation and told me what time the reservation was. Luckily there was one spot open.

He then called and asked if I was ready yet, and if not to take my time. Of course I wasn’t ready, he knows me by now. So I text him that I’m ready and he asks whether I was driving down to the strip or if I wanted him to send me an uber. I opted for the Uber after telling him my car had to be fixed. So he ordered one to my place and tells me to meet him at the restaurant. 

So the Uber pulls up to the Aria hotel and I walk in. I hadn’t been out in a while because I stay working on something major is the excuse I give myself for not dating.  I walk in and as usual everyone is staring at me and smiling. Men walk past me with wonderful smelling cologne on.  I get on the escalator to go to the 2nd level where the restaurant Carbone is located. 

As I get close to the door I noticed it’s closed, which is not normal for a 5 star restaurant. But he’s inside already, and as I walk up to the door he opens it to greet me.

We sit down to chat while we wait for our table to be ready.  He, – whom I like to call New York (New York hates being called New York) tells me that I’ve slimmed down quite a bit and look like a model.  That was really sweet, as I had actually slimmed down a bit too much, and was watching this curvy black woman walk in, in a banging dress with a group of white men. She looked to be in her early 40’s. Sis had body for days and was dressed very elegant. In that moment I remembered being that thick.

Anyway about 20 minutes later, we are seated at our table. They give us this curved, half circle booth that’s perfect for date night.  It’s up against the wall so we had a view of the entire restaurant. It’s low lighting with white linen tablecloths and a fancy chandelier. My kind of spot. 

When the menu comes I look at it and quickly become disinterested. I put my menu down and told him that I would let him order for me. He says “Well did anything stand out to you?” I said “steak.” Steak always stands out for me.  There was no price on the steak. The waiter said the steak would be around $150.  So he ordered steak and a few other items, bottled water and suggested that I try out the margarita that I said looked interesting. I’m not quick to try new things, but he is. 

The bread arrives at the table and it’s delicious. It’s seasoned with some type of butter and brown seasoning. I’m starting to like this spot. 

So we catch up and he tells me that he’s dating (New York is mostly a friend) and that it’s going great. He says he’s dating about ten women and congrats me on making the top three. (I didn’t know that I was in a running cause we are not dating, and the last few times he flew into town I opted not to hang with him.) I laugh, and tell him “Honey, we already know all 10 together can’t compete with one Kissy.”

He proceeds to tell me that he’s chilling lately and doesn’t tend to go out on such expensive dates as the one he’s on with me. He tells me he is quitting his job in a few months to pursue entrepreneurship and has a $100 budget per date for other women, but I’m special. (At times dinner dates with me have costed him $500. He really doesn’t care with me. He loves giving me nice experiences.)

Anyway, we catch up and have lots of laughs. New York and I always have a great time together. Except the past three times I’ve seen him he talks about marriage and kids.  He wants a relationship with me. But I will do no such thing, cause back when I liked him like that he wanted to date multiple women, live it up bachelor style in his luxury Manhattan condo, and he wanted a woman who didn’t have kids already to start a family with. I understood and didn’t blame him. However at that time I knew he would be better off with me. But I didn’t say anything. So fast forward 6 years later, after he saw me in a relationship with my now ex, and it’s all been hitting him and he wants to marry me. 

Dinner is exceptional by the way and the margarita is too.  We had meatballs and spicy pasta to start, plus two appetizers which were tuna and something else.. The food looks like normal food you get at any restaurant. But let me tell you. That food was for the Gods. It was amazing. The steak came out medium and it too was absolutely amazing.  I really love the place. New York said he brought me there and wanted to try it because one of his business associates flew to Italy or Paris or somewhere just to go, so when he saw there was one in Vegas and there was one reservation available he had to try it. 

So we’re talking, smiling and laughing. The waiter is awesome. He says we light up the room. Which we do…   Well really it’s ME.. Then New York suddenly says “Kissy, I want to marry you. We get along great. Lets make some babies together.” 

I laugh.  Like I said when I liked him like that he had other plans. So I’m cool with us just being friends as we have been for the past few years. He then says it’s hard for him to believe that he would get to be with me anyway, because he knows that I have so many options. 

After the waiter comes to clear the table, New York instructs the waiter to bring out the dessert table (he knows me well and that I’m greedy). I opt for the lemon cheesecake.  He gets nothing cause he’s watching his diet.

While we waited on dessert the waiter brought out a free pitcher of Lemoncello.  It was a nice touch to go with the meal.

But when I tasted that lemon cheesecake though!!!! It was life everlasting. 
After dinner, he asks if I wanted to gamble and I tell him I’d rather he give me money to get my hair done. I told him it costs $700. He said cool “Done!”and we hung out in the casino talking for a few hours.  As we’re walking through the casino two guys are coming our way. One is distracted and suddenly sees me when he gets close. His eyes get big and he says “Oh My God!” New York and I laugh. He’s quite used to men being amazed over me while I’m with him. He says “I don’t blame him. You are so beautiful.”

When it was time to go he called an Uber to go the airport for him and a Lyft to take me home. They arrived at the same time. He said “this car is for me, and that one is for you.” He literally flew into town for 6 hours, just to take me to dinner. 

I think it’s divine how New York choreographed that entire date. All I had to do is be pretty and show up. 

And that’s how he rolls. He’s taken me on several dates like this in the country and outside of the country. In fact on our first date he booked me a first class flight to Belize. He’s kind of dope and magic.  New York is a 35 -year-old, very smart black man. 

So Thursday rolls around and one of my other male friends calls and offers to help me with something.  Sometimes my strong, independent black woman syndrome kicks in and I just believe that I can do everything myself.  So I delay and then on Friday I finally accept, and he makes it happen. He says he’s probably going to end up proposing to me… He’s about 54-years-old, a black man.)

Friday is also the day that I meet in an online group with my male 7 Figure mentor Justin.  Justin is a young guy, about 32 and absolutely brilliant.  The first time I sat in Justin’s online class, my head started to tweak like it does when I read books or when I’m learning exciting new information.  But it’s never tweaked like that from a male before.  I thought maybe it was just a fluke or something, but nope. The next time I sat in Justin’s class, my brain started doing the itching thing again as I watched him teach us…

Us is a group of black women. There are men and other races of people in the group, but a majority of black women.  I’m watching a young black man literally empower black women and teach them how to make 7 figures.  This was normal for them, but for me I come from a different world. I’m used to black men trying to dumb me down.

I’m not currently on the life coaching circuit going to seminars, so Justin was the first one I’ve met. Yet, I can see that he far exceeds at least 99% of other coaches. His teaching style is phenomenal. As by this point I’ve had a few mentors. Justin breaks things down where you can easily understand them.  His knowledge base, and the way he teaches will cause your brain to explode if you’re the sapiosexual, genius, business type. 

At least for me it did.  The man is genius and handsome.

Anyway this particular Friday, Justin happened to go over my funnel in class.  Now if you’re not in this life coaching or online tech world you may not know what a funnel is. But let me just tell you. It’s some difficult sh*t that will make you cry. I had been trying to create a funnel for about 8 months, but once I joined Justin’s 7 Figure course he actually simplified it enough so that I could finally create one. In class he went over mine and told me what I needed to edit.  Now I have a funnel… But it took a man helping me to get that funnel done. 

So Saturday comes and this one guy hits me up to ask me out on a date, and I gave him my same excuse that I’d given New York, that two of my tires were flat…  For the second time he offered to fix it for me. I told him no and that I would call a mobile tire repair place. (I did not want to have to go to a tire shop and sit there waiting. But I’m used to hiring people to do everything.) He said “No woman. Why don’t you just let me help you.” So I give in and let him help me.  Perhaps I was totally overthinking it 

He came over, got on the ground, took the tires off, replaced one with a spare temporarily, drove to the tire store by himself to buy new tires, came back and replaced both tires. Then he immediately went home.  I texted him to say thank you and he texted me back. “You’re welcome. I love your perspective on life. Let me know if you need anything else. I got you.”


I read that message a few times. A light bulb went off.  I don’t think any “regular” man in my life has ever told me “Let me know if you need anything else”, when it came to him doing things for me that would cost him money or time.  (A 42-year-old white, sugar daddy type once told my friend that “She can have whatever she likes in relation to me, and he definitely splurged thousands of dollars on me, regardless of the fact that I wasn’t sexing him.)

In my history with regular men, I remember even if a man did something for me, it felt uncomfortable, like I was being a burden on him.  I didn’t even expect ex boyfriend’s to help me pay bills, cause I knew they couldn’t afford my expensive lifestyle; nor did I want to burden them with that responsibility. Or you know how when you ask someone for help and they ignore you for 3 days, then hit you back knowing you will figure it out in that time period. Which is something a lot of people do. Well I was used to that. 

I began to understand that you can’t depend on people for anything, so I focused on making my own money so I wouldn’t have to ask anyone for anything. And once I started making 6 Figures I got comfortable doing everything for myself and by myself. 

But this man also told me a few minutes later “Stop trying to do everything by yourself. You don’t have to.” 😮

He didn’t feel like I was a burden… This particular man is white… Which took me back to about 6 months ago. I was on Facebook chatting with this white guy, and I stopped answering after a while. He then asks what is my PayPal and sends me $300, not to ask me a question, but to get me to listen to him.  He then proceeds to tell me about this story about quantum leaping and some more spiritual principles that I could use to manifest. Then he said “I just gave you $300 just to chat with you and give you knowledge. Maybe you should start asking for what you want. Stop thinking so much. Start receiving.”  Then he disappeared. Haven’t heard from him since.  Must’ve been a divine appointment…

Soooo, in this moment I suddenly realize how black women have been taught how to be strong independent women. We try to do it all on our own, cause that’s all we know. We are caretakers for the world. We give, give, give and don’t even expect to receive. We set out to make lots of money not only for ourselves, but so that we can take care of others. Who takes care of us though?

This week with all of these men providing for me I feel so nurtured, nourished, juicy, lit up, sexy and ultra feminine. I’m not even having sex with these men, yet here they are being helpful to me and appreciating me. 

I thought back to when I was my most happiest with men, and it was when I was in love and when I was with men who gave to me freely and fed into me. 

I remember back when I used to have sugar daddies and one wouldn’t let me buy a $2 bottle of water in the store. He said “No. You don’t ever pull out money while you’re with me.” He too was white. Sugar daddies would literally let me order a $200 shot of Louis VIII at dinner or take me to the VIP lounge in the casino to let me order it. 

Although I was quite used to the sugar daddy lifestyle and even my abusive ex-boyfriend ballin out on me, I knew average people couldn’t afford that stuff, and I didn’t hold it against them, even though I could afford such things myself.  I was really humble when it comes to love after that, and simply cool with me being able to afford things myself. ( I walked away from sugar daddies in 2011, started my blog and got deep into God. A man flew to Vegas and got my blog together for me…) But the 50/50 boyfriends were the ones who tore me down, took from me and broke my heart. The sugar daddies never hurt me or took from me. They actually informed me of how I should be treated. Heck they wouldn’t even allow me touch a door handle in their presence. 

I realize now that what I’ve been looking for this whole time is a man who says “You can have whatever you like!” It doesn’t matter if I make $22 million a year. I still like when a man provides and gives to me. As a woman we are created to receive.  Men are created to give to a woman. I want to receive love, gifts, affection and all of that good stuff. 

That is how life is meant to be. We are not meant to do things alone. We need other humans. We thrive together.

I’m officially bidding goodbye to all 50/50 men forever and any man who doesn’t want to give me whatever I like. 50/50 men have a lack mentality and so will you if you deal with them. 

My soulmate wants me to have it all.  Cause I’m cute like that and I deserve it. I give life to the man I’m with. 

And the crazy thing is, I feel like that about my man. I be like “Baby, what do you want. Let’s go get it.”  Money is no object. I stay buying my loved ones nice things. So why the heck wouldn’t I expect a man to feel the same way about me?

To think that I’m been out here talking about how much of a boss I am, and how I don’t need a man to do anything for me.  Formerly being with 50/50 men who didn’t even appreciate the fact that I have my own dough and look like a damn vixen barbie, with a genius brain, and beautiful spirit. I’m such a vessel of love. Those men were crazy. 😂😂🤣

And struggle you will Sis…

You gotta get with men who like to spend money on you and cherish you. Why? Because men have to feel needed. Being able to provide for a woman is empowering. It’s not about the money. 

Those kind of men also appreciate high value women.