When it comes to relationships there has to be a limit on your unconditional love.
In the past I noticed that I loved men unconditionally. So much so that I can’t say that they ever actually valued my love or what I was doing for them. You can even love someone unconditionally without being attached to the outcome and going with the flow. Unconditional love totally works when you’re dealing with someone who values you and appreciates you.
But rarely do people actually appreciate being loved unconditionally, as God would love them. In fact a majority of people’s self-worth program is so high that they believe themselves to be worthy of everyone’s love.
Which is a good way to be. Yet what many lack is the art of appreciation for other souls.
This past week, I let go of a lot of energy that was weighing me down. Anything in my life who didn’t operate at the highest heights of love, I released from me. I realize many men actually TRY to be a good man. They believe themselves to be a good man. But they simply aren’t there yet. You can’t date a man based upon his potential. You gotta date a man based upon who he is right now and how he’s treating you.
When I was in Miami my friend was so smooth and cool. He was like “Whatever Kissy likes.” The first day there I told him that I wanted to go to “CJ’s Crab Shack. ” He was like “That’s not high quality. Let me take you some place nicer.” For me it wasn’t necessarily about the quality. The food is good and it’s on Ocean Drive which allows you to eat while taking in the scenery and people watch. But I simply said “Okay.” Then I was taken to a place with a new experience and the food was good. Another day he was like “Have I ever taken to you Prime 112?” I was like “Yes, you have.” Then his mind immediately reroutes and he says “I’m going to take you some place really cool where the presentation is entertaining.”
He took me to Barton G’s that night where the popcorn shrimp was brought out with a real popcorn machine. The place was expensive af, but he didn’t care. He simply likes to make me happy. The entire trip he took me wherever I wanted to go. When I didn’t like the way my bikini fit, he asked me where I could get one that fit at. I said Victoria’s Secret. The next day when we headed out walking and I asked him where we were going, he said “It’s a surprise.” Then we round the corner and we’re in front of Victoria’s Secret. But they didn’t have swimsuits. He immediately says “It’s okay. There is a luxury swimsuit store across the street.” I go in and find what I like and he happily pays for a very expensive swimsuit that costed several hundred dollars. When I said “Thank You.” He replied ” I aim to please.”
When I first met him 7 years ago, he literally had to beg me to go to dinner with him. I went and we had the best time ever. We had so much fun that immediately after dinner he booked me a flight to Belize and a flight to Miami. It was on. It was clear that a fast relationship was about to take off. When we got to Belize we took a water taxi to the resort. The water was clear blue. You could see the fish swimming down at the bottom. The clouds were so beautiful. As we pulled up to the boat dock at the resort, they literally had staff standing there with tropical drinks on a tray to greet us. Even crazier, there was only 1 other couple on the entire resort the 2 days we were there. It was like some stuff straight out of a romance movie. I felt like I’d met the best guy ever! After the trip, my life went crazy and that kept us apart. Later when I got it together we tried again, but by this time he was super balling, living in a luxury high rise condo in Manhattan and loving to date multiple women. He specifically told me he just wanted to do his thing and date multiple women. I accepted it, and I did my thing and he did his, and oftentimes he would fly me places to hang, and take me everywhere.
It was cool. Then one day I decided it was time to make the friendship strictly friendship. I realized how I was wasting my time. I decided that I was going to get a boyfriend. I got one. While I knew how to keep a healthy relationship, the guy I fell in love with unfortunately did not. He pretty much made it a disaster from the jump. But I tried to work through it. It was a soulmate relationship that was destined. So no matter what, it was going to happen. I got my heart broke, which everyone around me knew that I would, and I learned the lessons. Funny I used to tell him “Why do you prove what everyone else says right about you to be right? Why don’t you prove me right, since I think so highly of you?”
Anyway, once it ended, New York flew in town several times and said he wanted to marry me. But I noted that New York didn’t want to be with me in the past, so I know that I’m not the girl for him.” I don’t believe in being friends first. I believe such relationships are always missing the deepest, strongest chemistry that make true love connections. Love is insatiable. Friendship simply won’t do most times.
So when it’s meet and be “friends”, when you’re both single, one person in the relationship simply doesn’t have it. People change and see people differently in shifts, and I’ve definitely gotten more attractive over the years. But my heart has always been the same. Men have never been loved at the level I love at. For many men I am their first experience of real love.
Anyway, as you can see, New York is pretty much like a Dream Guy. But we have differences. I like nice, fancy things. He doesn’t. He only liked his expensive condo cause it gave him easy access to women. He doesn’t care about dressing nice. He doesn’t care about etiquette. He barely cares about his appearance and thinks attractive people try hard. He doesn’t even understand why my nails have to be done before I get on an airplane. Yet, he loves beautiful women…
The fact that he can’t understand my world seems so minute, but it’s not. It causes friction between us. It’s a mental thing. He doesn’t even understand why I want to keep my pink bag clean. Therefore I’ve turned his marriage proposal down a few times. But after the Miami trip I finally took notice of how he actually does try to be a good man to me. He even offered to buy me a Bentley if I married him. I thought that was cute. Yet, I know that what he feels for me isn’t necessarily love. He simply has a desire to settle down and I’m the closet thing to love that he knows.
I had another guy this week who was also a friend ask to marry me. This one doesn’t have the slightest clue of what love is. He just knows that I AM LOVE and he wants to experience that. He tries and he buys me a few things, but he has no idea how to talk to women. He actually believes he can get women that he actually can’t get. There is this huge veil over his eyes, and a lot of darkness covering him. Yet, I can see the light in his heart that he so desperately wants to bring out. His thing is that he thought I would be easy to get. He also crazily told me that I wasn’t all of that, and that he doesn’t know why people are so crazy about me. He also has a shrine of my photos in frames on his office desk. What’s really crazy is that he really wants to marry me. And this is a platonic friend. I realize that even platonic friends fail to realize that women have standards. Being her friend doesn’t qualify you to date her. But many men actually think friendship is an easy in. It’s not. Most times, it’s a coffin with perimeters. I require that a man be a lion and go after what he wants. Me becoming a nicer woman, doesn’t mean that I’m now easily obtainable. Me falling in love with another man doesn’t mean it’s for other guys to get me. After all, I fell in love with a lion who saw what he wanted, went after me, and did not take no for answer. He kept going until he got me. I can respect that. To me, that’s a man.
This other guy that I actually liked who was also a friend, that relationship was getting blurry lines too, moving outside of friendship, and I had to let it go because I noticed that my romantic standards and expectations would not be met. That person had no appreciation or value for me, because it started as “friendship.” “Friendship” has obviously blinded these men to who I am. They all see me as the Michelle of the group, when I’m clearly the Beyonce. To be with such a man would be devastating to my soul. I could never be proud to be with a man who doesn’t appreciate me and treat me like a Queen. What I also know is that they will all change when the right woman comes along. I’ve been extremely nice to all of these men, but they all think I’m full of ego. Which basically tells you that none of them look like a supermodel. Most times people who don’t take care of their physical appearance think people who do, are full of ego.
You’re not going to get brownie points for looking over their looks. Instead they now see you as just like them, because you deal with them. I try to see people past their physical, into their soul, and I do. I fall in love with souls. Physical bodies are cool, and I love nice looking people, but I also understand soul is way more important. Fancy clothes don’t necessarily make people better or worse. The soul is the soul.
But that’s not how other people see things. So now I’ve finally learned how to operate in the 3D realm and why I operate in such a way. I have to hang around highly attractive people who like nice things, simply because those are the people who value me and can see me.
If I tell a 600 pound, one legged man that he’s fine as hell, he’s going to believe it. Then he’s going to mistreat me and tell me that I do nothing for him. But if another woman looks at him with disgust, he’s going to hop around doing things to win her approval and be inspired by her. This is literally the way some people’s minds are set up. 🤷🏼♀️
I have another male friend who is nice looking, well dressed and guess what? He thinks I’m amazing. He always tells me how proud of me he is. But when I tell people about my other 3 male friends they ask “Why do you deal with these people? They tell me that they are a reflection of my energy. Minus New York, the way the other two treat me and talk to me are a bad look for me, nor does it feel good to my soul. It doesn’t matter that I viewed them as friends. Other people view them as the men I’m dating. ( I wasn’t dating. I was focused on my business.) It’s crazy how much pain I put myself through, or the things I put myself through before I finally leaned these lessons about being too nice.
I’ve finally learned the lesson and the cost of the unconditional love that I sometimes give. In order for a person to value you and appreciate you, they must be a reflection of your own heart. My heart is 10 times greater than most, so I have great appreciation for people. Yet kindness, unconditional love, acceptance, and saying nice words to people, doesn’t mean they are going to value you.
In my 5D world we value people for who they are. We value them before they even do a thing for us. We value them for their will to triumph. We value their contributions to the world. We value how they walk in their purpose to serve others. We value their hearts. We value their minds.
But here in the 3D realm, people mostly value what they don’t have access to. Which is why people love celebrities and instagram models. If you want to be valued, don’t give people easy access to you. Don’t allow in people who are not on your level. Never allow your platonic friendships to cross boundaries. Shut them down right away. Politeness and letting it slide, in hopes of not hurting someone’s feelings will only backfire on you. Being too nice and too loving is self-sacrifice, unless you want to be Ghandi and looked at as a spiritual guru.
I don’t want to be a spiritual guru. I just want to be my spiritual self and surround myself with love, because I am love and don’t want to be anything less than that. But to keep my love vibe high, I can only allow in those who see my light, and appreciate my light.
When I don’t, I have to take self-accountability for it. You can love people unconditionally, but sometimes you have to give them that love from a distance. When you don’t always look at people as others would, you self-sacrifice your self-worth. If you hang out with the trash, you too will be viewed as trash, by the trash people. If you hang out with pigs, you too become a pigs. If you wallow in the mud with pigs in all white, you’re going to get dirty. You dirty yourself up by being around people who don’t value you. It’s not about being better. It’s really simply about being valued. It’s a hard concept to catch onto, because we all go back to no one is perfect, and who am I to look at people with such bold truths? Especially me. I have in no way led a perfect life. But I realize ultimately that’s why those people don’t value me. In the back of my mind, I’ve been in realization that I’m not perfect and haven’t led a perfect life. That storyline has to go in the trash, with the old identity. It’s all about the right now and who you are being right now, and how people are treating you right now. Acceptance of people is not of their past, but who they are TODAY.
My new book “You Can’t Force A Man To Value You” is on sale. CLICK HERE to buy it on Amazon.