I’ve always been a highly confident person.. I have a photo of myself when i was 6 looking like a lil diva. I always knew I was smarter than average. My confidence always revolved around that fact. As I got older my looks started changing and suddenly I realized that not only am I smart, but that I’m also a badd chick. One day I got to the point that I was so glamorous that I noticed that when I walked into a room all heads turned and it would momentarily go silent. I was already arrogant, but then my confidence really skyrocketed because I knew I had much more going for myself than just some average looking girl who was smart.. I ran circles around girls like that.
Then I got raped on the one day I decided to wear jeans and a t-shirt. I was casual, completely covered, no titties popping. Because it happened on that day, in that outfit, that disturbed me. I could have let it destroy me, but instead it eventually made me own my sexuality. I’m sexy as phuck even if I’m wearing a garbage bag. (Another incident where a man was all over me.. ) I realized sex appeal isn’t something that I can do anything about, nor is it a bad thing. I ooze it. If flows from my blood.. Men are pretty much powerless against it. Accepting who I AM gave me a little bit of power.
Around that time, life began to beat me up again and again. I started making bad decisions trying to survive and emotionally cope. I dated a bad man because my life was being destroyed. I was losing and dealing with too much at one time so he was able to come into my life, pretend to want to help me, but latch on to me like a leech and destroy it some more. He really tried to beat me down physically and emotionally. But he told me “Kissy, yes you are smart, but it’s not about having knowledge. It’s about how you apply it.” I forget a lot of things, but I will never forget that.
After that, I managed to get back on my feet a little, only to be knocked down again by another leeching man who I’d left far behind over a decade ago. That one right there should have destroyed me forever. I should’ve been finished, over with and done for. But thankfully I found God in a deep way and began to pray without cease.. During that time, I had one person help me with money.. I call him my guardian angel Phil. I had another friend who I barely even knew Nasar Elarabi help me with motivating words, books and encouragement. My other friend LO Mein also helped me tremendously. I will always love them and appreciate them for that.
I made it though that and came out on the other side much stronger. A rainbow finally started to shine through in my life. I used my biggest setback as a spring board for my greatest comeback! Those who know the story know what I pulled off.
Recently I had another slight setback.. Slight only because at this point in my life I don’t allow emotions to take over me. I think logically and try to figure out how I can fix things. I fixed it quick! And I was right back to where I was in one week’s time.
It made me realize that I was finally the woman I always wanted to be. It made me realize how amazing, powerful and unstoppable I am. My confidence grew – to me for once actually being proud of myself. Proud of all the years of hard work I’d put in, proud of all the hurdles I somehow managed to jump over. Proud of the woman I had become.
I’m the sh*t and it’s not based off my looks or brains.. I’m the sh*t because I’m me. An awesome phenomenal woman. There’s nothing you can tell me about me.
I think before I was waiting until I was wealthy to feel that way about myself… There’s a lot of power in looking in the mirror and saying why wait till then.. Life hasn’t been easy for me, but I made it through. So that day, in that moment, I said NO, I’m awesome right phucking now!
I hope this helps someone.
I wrote the above in May of 2017, as a random Facebook post. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my awakening was starting. I was in the process of feeling worthy of success. I had finally reached the point of feeling like I deserved the great success that I’m experiencing.
Today, somehow happened to comment on that post on Facebook.
Rarely am I ever taken back by my own writing. But as I read this, I realized that somehow (buying into the wrong mentor) I sort of got rocked to sleep again. You really gotta do the work to stay woke.
THAT is why I’m grateful to have met Katrina Ruth and Ingrid Arna. I desperately needed to see women in the world who are a reflection of my soul. Before that, it was only me.. Me whom everyone thought was crazy.
Through these two women I have walked deeper into my light. My first mentor actually told me that I was too much. That I had to calm down, and say less, if I wanted to be rich. And at the time, I figured just maybe I should listen. WHY? Because obviously she was more successful than me and knew more than me. But the truth is she didn’t. I AM SUPREME. People need to get like me.
I even had to awaken some of her clients and pull them out of that dry azz box she had them in. Heck I had to tell her how to not be intimidated around celebrities that she claimed to have been accustomed to working with.
The way my story of life has unfolded, it’s going to be a movie. The world couldn’t hold me. I ain’t a b*tch, but I’m damn sure unstoppable.
But damn, I gotta make a vow to never be rocked to sleep again. Noticing all of these things is emotionally painful at times and tiring just seeing myself…. But it’s all apart of the journey.
This blog I’m writing right now, that same terrible mentor told me to stop blogging. She told me blogs didn’t make any money. Yet I was clocking $300k plus off blogging for years. Not to mention, my soul’s purpose on this earth is to be an author. Phucking with the wrong people will lead you all wrong. It’s all your fault for listening, but some sh*t you just don’t know. And you know what? I feel that’s what God wanted me to experience. Cause he could’ve just put Ingrid or Katrina in front of me first instead of the terrible one.
That’s why I also don’t listen to people when they say you have 100% control over your life. Some of us are just phucking called to go on these crazy azz journeys so that we can awaken and empower millions of souls. See there are many life coaches who touch a couple hundred people. I impacted hundreds of thousands of lives before I even became a life coach. WHY? Cause it’s all written. This sh*t was written before I was born. I’m just thankful now my soul’s mates are showing up to help me on this damn crazy journey.
I know one thing. I’m going on a 3 month damn vacation and I deserve it.