You’ll never get your fairytale when you settle. They say avoid expectations. Yet many people have very little expectations in relationships and they’re still unhappy, in a basic, unfulfilling relationship with no spark. They’re going through the mundane emotions. So obviously that concept isn’t super solid.
People are so used to basic that they don’t know how to create magic. Magic is created by knowing what you want, so that you’ll appreciate it when it finally shows up.
But ask people what kind of mate they are truly seeking, and they probably couldn’t tell you the depth of it. The truth is that most people are just funneling through relationships looking for “something.” But they haven’t defined what that something is.
As teenagers you simply fall in love with the emotions of one another. But as adults you gotta know what you want.
If you wanted a 4 bedroom home for you and your kids, and you get that home you’ll be happy. But if you only get a 1 bedroom home, you’ll be grateful, but that’s not what makes you happy. Nor is it going to expand you. In fact it’s going to make you feel lack and constantly remind you that you’re missing something. So you’ll keep trying to figure out how to get what you truly want. That house won’t be good enough for you, so you won’t even take care of it and value it the the way you would the four bedroom. Not to mention the kids will constantly remind you that they want their own bedroom.
Relationships are the same way. If you want a man who shows up and shows out, you may be thankful to find the guy who wants to netflix and chill all the time, but that’s not going to truly make you happy in the long run. Your friends will also remind you of you not having what you want. If not your friends, random social media posts of women who are with amazing men will remind you. You could even make a post about how happy you are with the man who takes you no where, has no major plans and skips out on Valentines Day cause he doesn’t celebrate it. But you’ll still deep down inside be unhappy. You can lie to others. But you can’t lie to yourself.
They’ll definitely be certain things about your mate that you may not like, that they can’t change. However, it shouldn’t be major things that can easily be changed by them.
Another thing is, until you’re brave enough to spend some time by yourself, love yourself, and enjoy spending time with self, you really can’t be an asset to anyone. People who are quick to jump from relationship to relationship rarely ever do what it takes to make a relationship solid. They don’t know how. Half the time they are simply living to post basic pictures on Facebook and Instagram. And truth be told those photos don’t even impress those of us who love magic…
See what we know is that when two people who know what they want come together, the phucking stars align. Everyone can see the magic.
The next person who you consider dating, ask them what they are truly looking for. Chances are they can’t give you a definite answer. So don’t be surprised if they can’t appreciate you. And some people are so darn crazy they know what they want, find it and feel it’s too good to be true, so they sabotage it.
Relationships are so simple. Yet most people are just biding time with people until they figure out what they want, or until they’re at the level to attract what they want.
Humans would faire so much better if they were simply honest with themselves.
Do you know what you want in relationships?
Do you have any idea what makes your heart beat?
Do you know the kind of person that lights your soul?
Do you know what kind of person is the candle to your flame?
Have you ever experienced love so intense that it felt like a lighter to your cigarette? (Addiction)
Have you ever experienced love so deep that you could barely breathe?
Have you experienced love so deep, it’s like medicine for your soul, that you have to keep pumping through your veins?
One of my missions on earth is to bring love back into the world. Not that it’s not already there, but many people don’t know how to love, or why they should love. I believe black men play a major part in the detriment of the black community due to not being taught how to have healthy relationships.
Many think the more women the merrier. They are so busy chasing women that they have no purpose in life. They are totally and completely failing to leave a valuable legacy on this earth.
So when I saw Jay Morrison‘s introduction on his Youtube video about his wedding I had to share it with you.
I was once one of those “dudes” who screamed- I’M GONNA BE A BACHELOR FOR LIFE!! That’s because no one ever showed me or mentored me on the value of marriage, loving a woman beyond lust and how to identify who God has sent for me to accomplish His work. Pop culture taught us that the goal was a different woman every night forever. But that doesn’t build strong families, lasting legacies or repair and restore OUR village. I thank Allah(God) for granting me knowledge, wisdom and a better understanding so that I can be an example to not just my immediate family but to all who have been misguided, misled and told the lies that keep our families broken and without strong men taking their place as maintainers, protectors and providers.
People often ask me how I find blog content. I laugh. Blogging is one of the easiest things in life for me to do.. I’ll give you 2 reason why.
When I blog for my crime blog I simply write about whatever story is interesting to me. Because it’s interesting to me and I’ve build my blog off of what I am interested in, my followers quite naturally like whatever story I post.
I also wrote crime despite everyone deeming it negative.. I also sent the crime stories viral.. Nowdays every celebrity blogger posts crime, because they say Kissy doing it and winning.
But you’re here on my other blog that’s about love, life, success, relationships, manifesting and business. Once again, I’m simply writing about whatever I feel like. I’m not worried about whether people will like it to not. I know my writing is pretty dope. Therefore there is no pressure on me to write. I even write in a certain manner so therefore I’m not looking at the words trying to make it seem like I spent 22 years in college, just to be impressive to others. I generally only care about helping people and making things as easy on them as possible. I’m also writing about my passions, which means discussing these things are effortless.
Anyway, now you know how to find blog content. Write about whatever you feel like!
Oh and at the end, you should always have a call to action.. Like here I would invite people to work with me. But I won’t because people who want to work with me already know how to contact me… (At the moment) But let’s remove the ego and think about random traffic that may come from Google.. Place a link here and an offer to work with you, or instruct your audience to share your post.
Becoming a life coach has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And the crazy thing about it is actually helping people is the easiest part.
We’re all gifted. All talented. Able to do amazing things… When we set our minds to it, and focus on what needs to be done. Life coaching is a very natural thing for me. I realized early on that I’m a Master Life Coach. There is no one particular area that I can help you with. I can help you fix your whole entire life.
But in the life coaching world they say that’s not niched enough. So I’ve spent months, maybe even a whole year trying to figure out a niche.
Who do I want to help? Are they male, are they female, are they black or are they white? Why do I have to choose? Why can’t it just be people?
I was right, but I was ohhhh so wrong. See when I entered the life coaching world I had no desire to be like anyone else. I always show up different. So I titled myself a Dream Activator, because that is truly what I do best. I take your dreams and amplify them. As a Prophetess I am able to not only see a vision on my own future life, which has lead me here, but I can also see the futures of my clients. Which is why I’m able to align them to their purpose.
But back to this niche though. I recently started attracting a new breed of clientele. Some of the most powerful female life coaches on the planet. And when I say powerful, I mean people who are at the top of the top of their fields. They stand out. They are beautiful, brilliant, warm, and quite masterful when it comes to social media.
They don’t even need me to teach them how to use social media. They already know how to make loads of money from it, just like I do. Some of them are millionaires, and some walking into their millionaire season.
I understand these amazing women with ease. But this whole time I’ve been telling people that I can teach them how to brand and get social media followers. Which is a lot of work. Also not the work my soulmate clients need from me.
My soulmate clients need me to help them gain clarity and help them remember why they came to earth. They hire me to help them step into the highest version of themselves.
Yeah, that part. The part where I admit that I work in woo woo land, and that my work is totally spiritual.
And I totally know what I’m doing… My clients leave me some of the most raving reviews the life coaching world has ever seen. I’m obviously great at my job.
But, of course there’s a but…. But, WOW. Is this what God had planned for my life?
I am humbled by God’s blessing over my life and the gifting I’m anointed with.
Do you ever wonder what God has for you? Have you answered the call?
” I have a question, if you have a husband that works seven days a week every day from 6 to 11 never gets a day off not because he can’t get a day off because he chooses not to get a day off he thinks because he brings money into the household that technically he does not have to be involved in any of the family things he misses out on all his kids things and his grandson I make excuses for him for the kids and everybody else when they asked me where is your husband at.
So yesterday we had an argument and I told him things need to change he needs to be more involved with me and his kids our kids are grown we have a 21-year-old 20-year-old and 17-year-old and 15-year-old and one grandson that’s one years old his excuses as he makes the money and he gives us the money so we could do things.
I told him we don’t need the money will rather have him in our lives but he says he’ll never change so what should I do I’ve been with him for 23 years and nothing has been changed I raise my children by myself he’s there but not there I don’t have a husband I can ask him to do anything to fix around the house or help me with my car gets broken I have to deal with all of it all and keep in mind I have a job to so what should I do stay go ??????”
KISSY’S RESPONSE:
The way you are approaching this is all wrong. Here are some things you can do to heal the relationship and move in the right direction..
Show him some respect, as a King who provides for his household. Love is shown with money, not just words. Tell him that you appreciate all he does for his family.
Find out what his childhood was like, so that you may understand him. What kind of home did he grow up in? Was there love in the household? Obviously being a good provider is his definition of a good man. Maybe he wasn’t shown how to show emotions and affection. Maybe he doesn’t know what love is? Maybe he thinks love is loyalty.
If he does stop working and stop paying bills, then what? You’d rather have him up under you while you guys struggle? He’s not with the struggle. Erase your poverty mentality.
Your husband is a workaholic. The key is to find a way to show him balance. This starts with your communication skills. In order to communicate effectively with him you revert to #2 and figure out what his WHY is. Obviously he’s pretty big on loyalty and providing. That’s his love language.
Explain to him how his absence in the home life makes you feel. Befriend couples with healthy relationships so that he may have examples of what a healthy family unit looks like. His E.Q. needs to be raised. A book on emotional intelligence may help him.
When you talk to him, come from a place of love. Not screaming, not arguing, not complaining. Many men are just like him. They believe that just providing is good enough and that a woman should be happy. They often don’t understand that what a woman mostly wants is the love she receives from her man. Without that love, you won’t appreciate the money. It’s simply how women are programmed… Women are programmed to receive love.
It’s time that both of you start dating again. Schedule in times to go out on dates. Reignite the flames. Be more loving than you ever been to him. Show him the way.
Scheduling a dating consultation with an enlightened dating coach or a psychologist would help a lot. Sometimes people need someone outside the relationship to show them their blind spots.
God Bless.
Kissy 💋 #AskKissy #DearKissy
SIDENOTE: I would be wrong if I didn’t tell you that there is a possibility your husband has a whole other family somewhere. The answer above is a positive response when you’re dealing with a good person who maybe doesn’t understand what they are doing wrong.
It’s good to be positive, but it’s also good to know the truth. Check your husband’s work schedule and make sure he’s actually working and not living a double life.
One of the hardest things in the world to do is walk away from a man you’re crazy in love with… You find yourself in a relationship with a man who is mostly kind to you, doting upon you, smart, hard-working, says he loves you and has so much POTENTIAL… So much potential that you can even see the King in him. You’ve spent years trying to get him to see it in himself. He needs a lot of attention from other women in order to make himself feel powerful. Therefore his antics put a strain on the relationship. You love him deeply… You’ve been patient, WAITING, HOPING & PRAYING he’ll change. 2-3 years have gone by. You haven’t done what you were supposed to, because you’re waiting on him………to change, to take your relationship more serious….to value you. So that, you can take over the world together, and build a legacy. You could even marry him if you wanted to, and commit yourself to a few more years of antics, and being slowed down, and not doing what you know you were called to do. How do I know you so well? Because I was once you.
This blog is dedicated to the amazing, beautiful, talented, spiritual women walking this earth who have no idea of how powerful and gifted they are, or why they keep seeming to attract bad men, no matter how kind and loving she is.
Sis, you have an aura, a light. It attracts narcissistic men who want to suck the life and joy out of you. They will break your heart and drain you for everything you are worth, because that is what they were born to do. They are energy vampires… Human leeches.
However the conversation we’re about to have describes both male and female narcissists.
TOP 5 NARCISSISTIC TRAITS
1.IMMENSE AFFECTION – The first thing a narcissist will do is immediately adorn you with lots of affection and attention. They will act like they can’t get enough of you. They actually can’t. You seem so pure and right to them. You’re like a breathe of fresh air, that they feel they simply can’t live without…in the beginning.
The physical attraction and sexual intensity between you two is so intense, that it causes you to ignore blatant red flags, that scream RUN, RUN FAST! It’s so intense, mixed with their attention that even if you want to run, you often can’t. Something pulls you to them so strong that your mind says NOOOOOO, but your body says “Phuck It. Come Phuck My Life Up. It’s Worth It.”
The passion is like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Moments with them seem like bliss. Makes you feel like everything is right and perfect in the world. They ask you to be in a relationship with them right away. If you try to say no and listen to your mind, they will become relentless in their pursuit, until you give in… Individuals who can see auras maintain that sexual energetic desire to be with you. It literally obfuscates mental and emotional energy — which is why lust is blind. Blind to the fact your soul has a destiny with this person and no matter how hard your mind fights and how your body almost seems to shut down in FEAR, that makes you feel like maybe you’re simply tripping and afraid to fall in love again… It’s the beginning of you confusing truth for fear…. Here is where you begin to doubt yourself and the things you thought you knew…
Now let’s move onto the life ruining stage.
2.HABITUAL LIAR – Everything is going great, cause you’re ignoring the red flags they literally told you about themselves in the beginning; cause you hear what you want to and think that maybe they didn’t mean those things that are completely against your beliefs. You develop this great sense of trust for them. You feel a comfort with them that you’ve never felt with anyone else. Suddenly, out of nowhere a BOOM happens. Thunder… A storm without the lightening. You find out they lied to you. And they way they lied to you is a total, complete violation of your boundaries that you don’t have at the time. You can’t believe this is happening to you. You feel like no one could possibly be that darn dumb to lie to you or disrespect you like that. Then here comes that lovely empathetic spirit of yours feeling sorry for them for being a liar. Because they made you feel like it was no big deal. They seem like such a cute, innocent little thing… Next thing you know you’re months and years on down the line and you’ve caught them in their 45th lie or gut punching antic… Believe who people show you they are the first time.
3. PROFESSIONAL DEFLECTOR – The entire time they were busy lying to you, persuading you, and making you feel special for their own selfish reasons, they blame you for everything that they do. They gaslight, and turn everything back on you. A narcissist can do no wrong. Meanwhile they are very engaging and sociable, as long as you’re fulfilling what they desire, and giving them all of your attention. If you give too little attention they will complain that you’re not thinking about them. Then when you give them attention they say you need to focus on yourself. Ahhhh, you’re starting to notice the craziness that you and your hormones completely ignored.
4. ENTITLEMENT – Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others. They expect others to cater (often instantly) to their needs, without being considerate in return. The good ones will even woo you with gifts to throw you off. However, in their mindset, the world revolves around them, and 9/10 they aren’t really doing anything to solidify that. As they have no presidency or position to influence, impact or change the lives of the masses. However they do often suffer from delusions of grandeur. They don’t appreciate anything. In fact they think you’re supposed to do the things you do for them. They could be used to wearing Michael Kors watches but have no appreciation for the Gucci upgrade you gave him. Even though no one before you ever treated them as nice.
5. EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION – Many narcissists enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions to gain attention, feel powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. In fact you could be a perfectly healthy, secure human being, but a narcissist will mess with you so much, and the minute you take up for self or question something they will say you’re insecure. This puts them in a position of power.
They are easily upset at any real or perceived slights or inattentiveness. They may throw a tantrum if you disagree with their views, or fail to meet their expectations. They are extremely sensitive to criticism, and typically respond with a heated argument (fight) or cold detachment (flight). On the other hand, narcissists are often quick to judge, criticize, ridicule, and blame you. Some narcissists are emotionally abusive. By making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel better about themselves. When the relationship finally crashes, they’ll be in a new relationship and in love with the next person within a month. If you’re not careful, you’ll hurt, become depressed, cry, and things may fall apart in your life. This is when you have to fight with all of your might to be happy. Understand it’s over. They came to awaken you. Don’t let it destroy you. Move forward. Don’t worry about why or how it possibly happened. Just know that it works for your highest good and God is going to bring you someone much better.
SUMMARY
I hope you’ve found this article informative, thoroughly entertaining and programmed enough sense into your head to never date another person who fails to appreciate you.
For spiritual souls you will meet a narcissist as a test. They will devalue you, intentionally cross your boundaries time and time again; have you miserable, trying to find your happy place again, and living below your standards. And you’ll be madly in love the whole time… At some point you may have a spiritual awakening. Their mistreatment of you caused it. Life said it’s time to admit what you really want. You got caught up with a narcissist and tried to settle for less… While the whole time they were trying to make you feel like you were the lesser one… So much insanity.
Now when that awakening hits, you get 2 options. You can choose to love them and continue to attempt to cater to them, and bend for them, as they get worse and worse, or you can choose to let that pain hit you like a ton of bricks, as you choose to walk into the light, love yourself more than you love him, heal and pursue your PURPOSE.
Option one will make you weaker
Option two will give you super powers.
Do you want super powers? Cause I know you FEEL me. Or do you want to stay and get weaker?
The choice is yours. If you would like help making this important decision, or healing from such a relationship, I’m here for you. MESSAGE ME here to book a relationship consultation. (My consultations are paid, if you want to truly stop the pattern you must invest in yourself, or wait till I write a blog about it.) Yes! This is really happening to you… All I can tell you is that it gets greater later. Love You.
When it comes to your self-worth, only one opinion truly matters — your own. And even that one should be carefully evaluated; we tend to be our own harshest critics. Especially me, I used to be way too hard on myself. Although I’ll admit that got me quite far. But it’s chill time.
Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D, author of The Self-Esteem Workbook, describes healthy self-esteem as a realistic, appreciative opinion of oneself. He writes, “Unconditional human worth assumes that each of us is born with all the capacities needed to live fruitfully, although everyone has a different mix of skills, which are at different levels of development.” He emphasizes that core worth is independent of externals that the marketplace values, such as wealth, education, health, status — or the way one has been treated.
Some navigate the world — and relationships — searching for any bit of evidence to validate their self-limiting beliefs. Much like judge and jury, they constantly put themselves on trial and sometimes sentence themselves to a lifetime of self-criticism. And that’s not fun at all.
Following are five steps you can take to increase your feelings of self-worth.
1. Be mindful of your thoughts.
We can’t change something if we don’t recognize that there is something to change. By simply becoming aware of our negative self-talk, we begin to distance ourselves from the feelings it brings up. This enables us to identify with them less. Without this awareness, we can easily fall into the trap of believing our self-limiting talk, and as meditation teacher Allan Lokos says, “Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that — thoughts.”
As soon as you find yourself going down the path of self-criticism, gently note what is happening, be curious about it, and remind yourself, “These are thoughts, not facts.”
2. Avoid falling into the compare-and-despair rabbit hole.
“Two key things I emphasize are to practice acceptance and stop comparing yourself to others,” says psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. “I emphasis that just because someone else appears happy on social media or even in person doesn’t mean they are happy. Comparisons only lead to negative self-talk, which leads to anxiety and stress.” Feelings of low self-worth can negatively affect your mental health as well as other areas in your life, such as work, relationships, and physical health.
3. Channel your inner rock star.
Albert Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Someone may be a brilliant musician, but a dreadful sweater knitter. Neither quality defines their core worth. Besides do you really care if you can’t knit sweaters? Of course not, so stop caring that you can’t do the same things that another person can. Recognize what your strengths and talents and allow your confidence to soar. Cause guess what? There’s something you can do amazingly well, that others can’t. Have you figured out your strengths yet? .
Psychotherapist and certified sex therapist Kristie Overstreet, LPCC, CST, CAP, suggests asking yourself, “Was there a time in your life where you had better self-esteem? What were you doing at that stage of your life?” If it’s difficult for you to identify your unique gifts, ask a friend to point them out to you. Sometimes it’s easier for others to see the best in us than it is for us to see it in ourselves.
4. Exercise (AKA take your butt to the gym)
Many studies have shown a correlation between exercise and higher self-esteem, as well as improved mental health. “Exercising creates empowerment both physical and mental,” says Debbie Mandel, author of Addicted to Stress, “especially weight lifting where you can calibrate the accomplishments. Exercise organizes your day around self-care.” She suggests dropping a task daily from your endless to-do list for the sole purpose of relaxation or doing something fun, and seeing how that feels. Other forms of self-care, such as proper nutrition and sufficient sleep, have also been shown to have positive effects on one’s self-perception.
5. Do unto others.
Volunteer to help someone else figure out their problems. It will take your mind off your own problems and renew your sense of self.
David Simonsen, Ph.D., LMFT, agrees:
“What I find is that the more someone does something in their life that they can be proud of, the easier it is for them to recognize their worth. Doing things that one can respect about themselves is the one key that I have found that works to raise one’s worth. It is something tangible. Helping at a homeless shelter, animal shelter, giving of time at a big brother or sister organization. These are things that mean something and give value to not only oneself, but to someone else as well.”
There is much truth to the fact that what we put out there into the world tends to boomerang back to us. To test this out, spend a day intentionally putting out positive thoughts and behaviors toward those with whom you come into contact. As you go about your day, be mindful of what comes back to you, and also notice if your mood improves.
