We give our hearts to people so easily, and allow them to break us. Why do we do such things, knowing that our heart is our living force? Perhaps we know the best way to strengthen your heart is to love.
Women who’ve suffered from abusive relationships need intense healing. I mean intense. Especially the more stronger ones who aren’t crying. Aren’t calling themselves a victim. We are the ones who don’t care to go to counseling to get help. We hate even talking about the abuse other than a small peep. We feel we are strong and have gotten over it and moved on.
We are fine, mostly. Yet we’re triggered by things we write off as no big deal. Like how when I was with a previous mate, and he would come home, I would hear the garage door sliding up. Everything was fine as long as he immediately came in the house. But every once in a while he would sit in the garage talking on the phone. That should be absolutely no big deal.
But each time, all of a sudden I would feel pain pursing through my veins. I’d feel panic and FEAR. I would suddenly feel a ping of rage. WHY? Because it would trigger my memory of a previous relationship where I was abused. Back then the sound of my garage door sliding up was oftentimes a period of “OMG. Here he comes.” It’s not all the time that he was abusive. But the times he was were deeply embedded into my pain body. There was a time that i remember locking the door that lead from the garage into the home. He kicked the door in. There was a time that I locked myself in my bedroom. He kicked that door in too. There was a time that the first time he hit me, I politely waited until he went to sleep. Slid my keys off his keychain, and hopped a flight back to Vegas. I left him in that city thinking I was free of him. But what did he do? He kicked my front door in. It was painful to be abused by someone who is supposed to be your best friend and claims to love you. Even worse, I remember wondering how could a man hit me, knowing how much I loved him? How do you intentionally and with full will hurt such a person? All of the drama that came with him was so embarrassing at the time. I only escaped that relationship by packing up my stuff, throwing it in storage and going homeless. I prayed to be free of the love I had for him. Once it let up a little, I left. I cried every day for probably a year after that.
I was broken, but fighting to survive. Fighting to find myself. Running away from men who wanted access to my body or my heart, whom I would never love. Eventually I figured it out and started making 6 figures from a blog. They say success is always the best revenge. It is for a little while….
A little while until you wake up one day and realize your trauma is stopping you from getting what you really want. Trauma is something I had become all too familiar with. I was born in the projects, fought the boys and the girls in the neighborhood. Got disciplined with belts and switches. When I was a pregnant teen girl my son’s father had me on the ground in front of his parent’s house. He hit me and took the shoes he bought me off my feet. Yup. That’s what a preacher’s son did to me. But I’m supposed to tell myself that I caused all of these things and all of these people to do the things they did to me. I’ve always had a heart of gold, but people did things to me. People who eventually I learned to escape and stay away from due to elevation of my frequency and laying it all down to follow God.
It’s so weird how easy abusive relationships happen. There is always a feeling or a sign, yet there is always synchronicities that make it feel like the person is the right one for you. The connections are intense. You would literally have to walk away without exploring “What If?”
I firmly believe that if God wanted me to have a better man at the time, he would’ve sent me one. Some things in our lives are destined to happen. Maybe we did choose BEFORE we came to earth. But I know for sure, for sure that I didn’t consciously choose such events. However I am aware that I did subconsciously choose them.
I wanted a certain type of man, and my abusive ex was that kind of man. I should’ve been more specific. But that’s also a learning lesson about the law of attraction and asking for exactly what you want. We always get what awe want.
Anyway, I don’t write some of my painful truths, because I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I found my strength and I’m protected by the armor of God. So I always believe that I will be okay. Rarely do I take time to cry or really accept what happened to me. I just get back up and keep right on going like the energizer bunny. I buried the pain deep inside of me.
But then it pops back up when a strong man shows up. You realize there’s a problem cause you know this particular man definitely isn’t trying to hurt you. So you know to go within. The pain was always there lingering underneath. And I did not feel safe with men. I felt so unsafe with men, that I only allowed my male friends around me, and even that was rare.
I spent 3 hours yesterday sitting in the silence healing myself of the past memories. Releasing them, and releasing the pain inside of me that went along with them. I’ll do more hours of healing today. To watch myself and see me shedding my pain…. I became proud of myself and my own will.
Despite it all, I still maintain my love for love. Because of my experiences, I know what women on all realms go through. I can’t be all light and love and pretend I don’t know or ignore the things I know, I often think. Or used to think. While I’ve spent my life searching high and low for answers, others are not like me.
People stay in the chaos. They don’t get ready for change until they are ready. When they are ready they awaken and seek out better relationships.
Therefore I’ve learned that YES. I should stay in love and light. They will find me, and because I too have experienced what they have, I can help them heal faster. I can help them attract the amazing kind of men I now attract.
My life is composed of miracle after miracle being delivered to me. My mind is strong. It always delivers me victory eventually. My heart is brave and beautiful. I always allow it to lead me. Even some of my most painful heartbreaks were some of my most beautiful experiences. I still experienced love deep than the average human has ever felt. 5D Love is in my soul. I’m a light that finally found her way into the light.
Now I seek sane, organic, sensual, intoxicating, deeply spiritual, orgasmic healing, mind blowing, soul transforming, enlightening, ascending, cosmic, eternal love.
I laugh because most people will take just anyone. People ask me why I’m single, when it’s obvious that I can get a man. I can get a man to marry me and take care of me at anytime.
But that’s never what any of this is all about. It’s about love, and finding your equal. Can you imagine being loved the same way you love? That would be so amazing right? That’s the kind of love you deserve. It requires you not settling for less than a royal soulmate. It requires sacred, divine union.
You can never get caught up in society, dating people merely cause they fit what you wrote on a piece of paper. 😂 I mean the paper list is cool to remind YOU of what you want. It’s awesome to have someone who is affluent or rich. It’s even good to have a super cute, super sexy mate. But deep down it’s not even about all of that. It’s about love. The materials and the other items are simply a reflection of your frequency. If you came here to get everything you came here for and they also came here to get everything they came here for, then of course you’ll both be rich. Like duh. If you’re obsessed with reading and learning, so are they…. How much tv do you watch? Probably not much. I rarely ever turn the tv on. My King probably doesn’t either. We’re focused. Becoming even more richer together it’s easily done. So see after you get the yoke out the way and see that it’s equal, cause like attracts like, you then only have the energetic connection to focus on. That’s where all of the true excitement lies. It’s in the connection to the heart. A place where you can both make space to drop in.
Imagine you and your mate being surrounded by this beautiful, brilliant pink and white energy field where you’re so connected you can hear them think. Imagine being so filled by this light permeating into your cells and filling you with absolute love and divine peace. Imagine your soul finally feeling the freedom that it seeks. Meanwhile another day you’re looking out the window at the neighbors cheating, sneaking around, causing drama in their life and there you are being open and honest, experiencing the most deepest love. You’re having sex so good it takes you to Heaven. Being in a room with them and suddenly the rest of the world no longer exists outside of the both of you. Real love is the greatest magic you’ve ever felt.
This type of love is worth every bit of healing. It’s worth you letting go of the past. It’s worth you letting the tears flow, and release the pain from you.
It’s time you lower your pain body, feel free to take up space, expand, and let go of the past. It no longer serves you. Let the old you go. They have to die.
To understand a woman who has went through hell and back, click here to read this blog.