Believing you’re judging people confuses the dating process

by | Love & Relationships

I don’t have all of the answers. I just have like 1/4 of them at any given time. Just like you I’m human on any given day, and on other days I don’t want to be around the mortals.  It all depends on the day.  I’m chill like that, or maybe I have multiple personalities. Who knows.  But today I want to discuss something that us good-hearted boss chicks go through.


We have this huge thing where we try not to judge people and we live from our hearts. We know no one is perfect, so that tends to cause many of us to make excuses for people’s behavior. We also talk ourselves out of the things we want. In addition once we hit love and light we know that our judgements of others are only judgements of self.  We can easily look at others through the lenses of love, and often decide to do so; to our own detriment. It’s because we ignore our gift of discernment, believing it to be that of judgment. 


  • You’re a boss chick and you make 6-7 figures. You know that you’re one in a million. You wouldn’t expect anyone else to reach your level of success. So you will settle down with a 5 figure guy who says money isn’t important. Later you’ll realize his mindset wasn’t in alignment with yours. He will have no appreciation for your work ethic, nor will he pay all of your bills. He doesn’t know the difference between you and a basic chick, and honestly he’d prefer that you not be so d*mn smart. It’s a dead end situation most times. 
  • You meet a man who is smart. So because he’s smart, you look over the fact that his health isn’t on point, his appearance isn’t on point, his clothes aren’t even on point.  But he’s smart and on his money.  You try to look past all of the other things cause they are easily fixable. Later you realize he can’t appreciate how well put together you are. So he has no idea how to treat you. He’s used to basic chicks, and since his own appearance isn’t up to par, he doesn’t value someone who is. You try with all of your might to say this is no big deal, but the way he treats you makes you feel less than Queen, and you’re forced to opt out on him pretty early in the game.
  • You meet a man who is nice to you. He’s super sweet. He’s also smart. He dresses okay. He doesn’t wear cologne, but he appreciates you and the money he makes is decent. At the least you know he won’t be selfish. Then you have sex with him and it sucks. You look past it, because sex really isn’t that important you tell yourself. Later you realize you’re not turned on by him, and maybe sex is important after all. 

In each of these cases, a woman would be putting herself, her wants, her needs and her desires last, in hopes of finding a fruitful relationship. It’s really sweet. It’s even commendable.  But it’s truly self-sacrificial. 

As women we often need to be reminded that our standards and wants are not asking for too much. 

You want a smart man who takes pride in his appearance, has a nice smile, dresses well, is on his money, spoils you, buys you nice things, pays all of the bills, includes you in his decisions, appreciates and values you, spends time with you, makes plans with you, leads you, makes love to you like a master and pleases you, is emotionally healthy and has great communication skills, and wants to marry you sooner rather than later. 

That’s really a simple list. But most men will tell you that you’re asking for a lot. However you know your heart. You know you’re going to give a lot, and you know the life of the man you end up with will greatly change for the better.  You know what you bring to the table.  Yet, because most men will say you’re asking for too much you slowly start settling for less. Did you ever notice that every time you try that, those men start treating you like less? When has a man ever said “I appreciate you settling for me. I know you can do way better?” Like never. Since you picked him, without making him step it up and do the work it takes to become the man of your dreams, he thinks he’s your dream man. In fact after a while he starts to think he’s better than you. In a way you become an option to him, and not a choice. 

The crazy thing about all of this is settling doesn’t work. You gotta go for what you want. You know what else? Men often don’t settle. They go for what they want. If a man wants a woman with a big butt, he’s going to get that.  Some men even end up with more than they asked for. Such lucky men rarely ever seem to realize their luck and they mess it up.

As women we must move ourselves away from the “I don’t get to have zone.” over to the “I get to have zone.”

I constantly have to remind myself to stop being so nice. Like I’m nice AF to smart men who are respectable.  But smart and respectable doesn’t mean they get the honor of being with me. 

The men you choose to date should appreciate you just as much as you appreciate him.  That’s the biggest problem with a Goddess dating. She’s looking for the return on her love.  But everyone isn’t equipped to love at your level.  But because we live in a 3D world you sometimes find yourself going backwards trying to think like “normal” people because that’s so much easier. It’s way easier to just date like “normal” people. Heck you’d bet married already and faking it, if you could just pretend to be normal. But your soul won’t let you.

Plus when you try that you end up disappointed, because “normal” people, even when they are exceptional, conscious, genius, emotionally intelligent, and all of the other traits we may like, they aren’t equipped with the love potion magic that you have. Which is why they don’t recognize you.

Magic recognizes Magic. When the right one comes along it’s MAGIC, on both ends. Not just your end.  You can’t keep being the only one bringing glitter to the party.  It’s a must that you find your male unicorn. 

I’ll also remind you that you still have not decided and set a date. That’s the only reason you’re still going through the madness.

What’s stopping you from doing those two things, plus the 3rd segment of receiving? I would have to talk to you to find out. 

However in many ways I believe it’s your mind that continues to go back to doubt, that believes you’re not going to get what you ask for, but you know he’s out there. But you’re kind of too busy with your business anyway, so it’s no big deal if you wait to decide a little bit longer, because there’s no telling who you’ll meet and how much fun you’ll have with him, and just maybe your choice will change. 

Which goes into the deeper issue, that as much as us women believe that we know what we want, and we say men don’t know what they want, maybe none of us actually know exactly what we want, because you have to date enough people to zoom in on what you want.  Like I’m just this year realizing that I want a brilliant man. Smart was cool with me 3-years ago. It’s not cool now. 

So, get out a piece of paper, and write down  GENIUS, SMART, BRILLIANT at the top as the first quality of your dream man. Then write down the rest of his attributes like ATTENTIVE. 

I’m not big on living by a list, as I’ve manifested my list a few times, just to scratch somethings off or add some new things. 

Maybe at the end of the list write “The man who fits this description will be good enough for me.” 

Maybe before you get to that part you should add that he’s EXCITING. Cause that’s really the main ingredient missing in the men you’ve been meeting.  His behavior towards you doesn’t keep you excited about him. It crashes. And you could keep it going on some light and love sh*t, but you’re tired of faking it. 

It’s fascinating that what most men are missing actually isn’t money.  The things they are missing are also well within their control. The men are simply not choosing to embody the highest versions of themselves, the way us women rapidly transform to our highest versions, then just keep right on tweaking and transforming.  Because if they were, then they’d excite you and do what it takes to keep you. 

I know weird right. A man can have $50 Million dollars in the bank and still not be as well developed as you.  So maybe add to the list that he’s as developed as you or more.  What does such a man even do for a living? Is he a life coach? Is he a motivational speaker? Is he a guru? Can he also be super cute like you?

I’ll tell you something else. You are a multi-dimensional woman who literally operates in different dimensions of spiritual realms.  You’ve gone so deep into spirit, that you’re tapped into the ascended masters.

You are seeking a man whom is his TRUE SELF, as the Holy Grail, who loves enough not only to seek the Grail but to become it, fill it with light, and then to become the light.  You’re seeking a man to come into the light with you. 

Because you are actively seeking to fulfill the mandate of God, your soul is familiar with a kind of  love that many have never known.

When it comes to  deeds of love, it’s a beautiful art form for you. You’re an artist that masterfully crafts your love in this zone. Even in love you seek to perfect that skill, as you do in all other areas of life. 

You operate in so many different levels of consciousness. 

You know your power and your empowerment comes from God. God is love, therefore you seek to serve love. You go blazing in without much fear.

You know the fullness of love cannot be love unless it is ACTION. Contemplated love or the mere repetition of words may occupy one’s fancy, but love in action is the measure of a heart united with mind, body and soul.

You know the contemplated action, the happiness, the enjoyment of another’s attainment is the equivalent of the attainment of love itself. You’ve sought to give this love to others. 

Some actually believe the words “I love you” carry the full force of commitment and fulfillment. Not true. The words are merely a mantra that must be fulfilled by a keen perception of the needs and demands of every part of life, including your mate and living the truth of authentic self.

It’s not so much that you’ve self-sacrificed yourself in the name of love, the problem is other’s inaction does not complete the circle of love. Imagine if someone loved you the way you love others?

Then there would simply be no self-sacrifice. It would be two people growing and evolving in love. Even in love there are levels. 

You constantly seek to improve your service of love. Yet others say “This is me. This is all I have to give. This is all I intend to give. People must accept me as I AM.” 

But you know through knowledge of self, that defining one’s potential, or placing a maximum capacity on one’s will and not committing to full ascension into love, stops one from making a definite decision for one’s new life or personality. 

The ego holds many a captive, imprisoning the soul to a certain level of the knowns, for the sake of a certain level of stability. People unknowingly  keep their soul in a dimension they could easily grow out of. They convince their soul that no additional progress can or should be made and that its current level of attainment is sufficient.

People literally get caught up in the 3d world and settle for less of themselves, causing stagnation of love.  So how are they supposed to meet or match you in love? Your love is in the clouds, where it belongs. In the clouds where everyone should seek to be. 

But God created someone for everyone. So when you’re truly ready. You already know the words.  Decide “And So It Is.”

Become all that you are. The woman your soulmate is attracted to. 

As above, so below. As it is. So it is. So be it. I have spoken, the word. 

It’s not that you expect someone to love the way you do. You actually need them to. It’s a must. All of the fun is in the expansion of your soul. You came here to experience the deepest love, that expands your soul like no other. It’s not judgement when you walk away from what’s not for you.

love without judgement