When your mate doubts your love

If you’re in a relationship DO NOT go telling your mate “That seems like a problem with self,” when they question your love for them or how you feel about them.
 
That response is not love based.  Men and women who are accustomed to dating emotionally unavailable people tend to respond in such a way. They’ve trained themselves to totally avoid the EMOTION of love. Therefore even when they desire to, they have a difficult time expressing their love to others. To others their behavior and words often don’t come off as words of love.  And it’s not, because people can clearly see their lack of caring in ACTION.

When someone is in love YES, they are quick to reassure you and let you know they care about you. There is no light,  love and go play with yourself and go phuck yourself. If you don’t expect yourself to have sex with yourself, why expect your mate to work through doubts by themselves? People want a relationship without any effort of playing as a team. 
 
Sometimes people actually DO suck as a mate. There are only so many things a person can do to work on themselves. Going within doesn’t always mean your mate is going to reflect that back to you. For instance, if a woman wants a Bentley, that doesn’t mean that if she goes within, becomes feminine, pleasant and sweet, that her man will now buy her a Bentley. If he doesn’t care about Bentley’s himself chances are he won’t care if you have one. Therefore your frequencies don’t match up. You may be an abundant woman who can afford her own Bentley. Doesn’t mean your man is going to buy you one either. Sometimes the problem is simply incompatibility.
 
The Light and love world blames people for too much, and will have you go in circles trying to heal and fix yourself, when the whole time the problem is maybe you just need to let go.  The truth is some people are not compatible with your value system. Some people are not equipped to love you at your level.
 
A lot of men are single, simply because you have no idea how to connect to the heart of a woman. Then you go and chase badd azz chicks, which makes it worse. Such women require QUEEN treatment. So now you don’t know how to connect, you don’t know how to treat a woman like a Queen and you actually don’t seem to care. Then you’re confused on why she doesn’t value you or want to be with you.
 
It amazes me that so many men are cool with their woman not being Queen. Yet you chase women online whose social media profiles clearly show they are Queen. But here you come with the habits you learned from dating a basic bish, thinking that should be more than good enough.
 
Here you come with the appearance that most high value women would laugh at, but you want this high value woman to love you for you. Yet, you don’t even love her for her.
 
MONEY will definitely get a man access to lots of women. But it won’t keep a valuable woman. MONEY is a norm these days. It’s not a plus. It’s a must. So now that’s out of the way, what else do you as a man have to offer this high value woman that looks good on your arms?
 
If you’re a man who says looks don’t matter, chances are it’s  because looking at you, you’re not a good look for a beautiful woman. You are only a good look for her if you look like a model or you take care of her, provide for her, and treat her like a Queen.
 
Any man who actually is valuable already knows these things.
Now let’s get back to the point of meeting someone new and things are progressing well. Good for you. You feel like a grown-up, you’re doing all the “right” things and suddenly, you feel that pit in your stomach. It’s doubt. 

Doubt in relationships, is a common, normal often sudden fear or uncertainty about the person you are with. It is inevitable and is not necessarily a bad sign.

 
Doubts can be scary when they first surface. And, doubts typically raise their heads right when the high of falling in love meets the truth that you and your partner may not exactly be made for each other, you know, like two peas in a pod. You are actually two separate and different people.
 

But doubt can also mean that your relationship is moving to another stage of commitment where differences are worked on and growth happens. This scares many people because they’ve never worked on differences before. They simply went blindly into relationship sin the past.

Here are some tips about doubt from the GoodMenProject

Doubt is a normal response to change. Sometimes we doubt a new job or moving on. Doubts arise in relationships when things progress. Doubt is very common when relationship talk graduates to moving in together or marriage. Simply talking about these changes with your partner can relieve the stress; you may find he or she feels the same. Without actually sitting down and talking it out, it’s difficult to move forward. 

Some doubts are a stress response. They can be our way of preparing for new challenges. These doubts sound like: What if I screw this up? But I don’t like his or her friends all that much. Are they really my ‘One’? Are we really a match sexually? I am not sure about the way he or she manages their finances. These are perspectives rather than things set in stone. They are issues that can change over time, or are often only one side of the story.

But doubt can also mean that your relationship is moving to another stage of commitment where differences are worked on and growth happens. Unless you let doubt get the better of you. So, why do we doubt the ones we love?

Doubt is a normal response to change. Just as we doubt what a new job or moving might do to our lives, doubts arise in relationships when things progress. Doubt is common when relationship talk graduates to moving in together or marriage. Simply talking about these changes with your partner can relieve the stress; you may find he or she feels the same.

Some doubts are a stress response. They can be our way of preparing for new challenges. These doubts sound like: What if I’m still attracted to other people, is that a bad sign? But I don’t like his or her friends all that much. Are they really my ‘One’? Are we really a match sexually? I am not sure about the way he or she manages their finances. These are perspectives rather than things set in stone. They are issues that can change over time, or are often only one side of the story.

On the other hand, are your doubts really about your partner’s actions and behaviors towards you? In some cases, doubts are your issues in disguise and are not healthy for you or the relationship. But you can still grow from your doubts, and so can your relationship, as long as you face and recognize them.

Doubt can hide fear. Often doubt comes up when there is a fear of intimacy. If every step towards greater commitment has your doubts rising significantly, you might want to think about what you are scared of. Even a few counseling sessions, talks with your partner or a self-help book might be of some guidance.

Doubts can be sabotage. If you do fear of intimacy, doubts might be your subconscious pushing your loved one away. This doesn’t mean they’ll leave. If they love you, and you love them and want to work on your issues, who is to say you can’t get past this? No one. It’s all about awareness and honesty.

Sometimes we think we doubt our current partner when we are really assuming certain things based on past experience. You might doubt your partner truly loves you if in the past you dated someone who was emotionally unavailable.

At the end of it all, doubt is rarely the real problem in a relationship. It’s a lack of communication that tends to be the true issue. If you have doubts that you feel you can’t talk over with your partner, the question might be why you can’t communicate them. Do you fear upsetting them? Why? Do you know how to navigate conflict, or do you not trust each other enough to be vulnerable around each other? These are issues worth looking at, alone, or with a couples counselor.

Steer clear of talking over your doubts too much with the wrong people. Doubts are often just garden-variety fears and anxieties. Talk about them too much with, say, your friend who is jealous of your relationship, or your mother who never likes anyone you date, or people who don’t know or understand the depth of your mate, and they may help you turn those doubts into real issues. Try sorting out your doubts for yourself first, then talk to someone you truly trust, or even to a relationship coach.

Balance your doubts with an equal focus on what is working. Many of us have brains that are trained to focus on the negative. Try spending time each day thinking about five things that are going right with your relationship. Or keep a list you can review and add to about all the ways the relationship works and how your partner is just what you need.

 
 

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