I don’t actually call anyone TOXIC in my life. I have a deep understanding that what you see in others tends to be a reflection of something you see in yourself.
So, here is THE TRUTH:
You’re not disappointed in him. You’re disappointed in yourself, because you keep believing in him, while he disappoints you time and time again.
That man has never showed up for you Sis. All he ever did was do 1 THING that got you to like him. He never went past that mark. He’s been dangling a carrot in your face, leading you on and you’ve been accepting it.
Then each time you know you need to cut him off, you complain, and he tells you not to complain about him. You can’t get through to him, but he says it’s all you, and IT IS.
So you breathe, reset, and put on your positive mindset again…. and once again, focus on the good in him, just to be disappointed again; while he tells you how you’re not good enough, and that YOU need to be a better woman.
He tells you that you need to work harder. He pushes the slave ship…. Not to mention there is WAY more of you, standing in line, waiting to be his peace; telling him how good of a man he is, although he’s actually not being a good MAN to anyone.
There’s lots of PICK ME and EFFORT girls like you in the world, who keep 50/50 men sitting on a pedestal, using up women, until his dream woman finally shows up.
The insanity of it all, of how YOU unconsciously have tried to get this man to value you.
You Can’t Force A Man To Value You is deeper than just a book title. Which is why you have to read the book.
So many women think that by being patient, being a good woman, being kind, saying kind words, buying gifts, cooking, doing laundry, keeping the house clean, encouraging a man, and speaking life into him, will someday magically cause a man to wake up and value her.
It truly doesn’t go like that. A man simply values what he values. He values what he loves.
When a man first approaches you, he values you. That value is going to increase or decrease, depending on how you ALLOW him to treat you and how much YOU VALUE YOURSELF.
Have sex with a man who is not paying your bills, and Sis you are dooming yourself, 97% of the time. You have just set up the framework for the relationship to be a waste of BOTH of your time. Yes, he is going to pressure you into sex. That doesn’t mean you should give it to him.
Now he’s like “What else do you have to offer? You don’t do anything for me. Other women love having sex with me too.”
He now takes a lot of pride in draining ALL OF YOU, for your energy, and telling his friends how ALL OF YOU suck, and how NONE OF YOU are good enough. NONE of his friends are going to direct traffic back to him, to help him see his part in the equation.
And at the end of it all, you know what he’s going to tell you.
The infamous words of the traumatized, wounded, immature man: “You don’t even know me. I don’t owe you anything.”
And we can blame men all day for this. But Sis, YOU are the one to blame.
LISTEN BELOW TO THIS PODCAST that real estate and investment mogul, Robert Duvale Yancy & I did, for some reality shattering truths about relationships.
This is Part 1 of a 5 part Series called “You Can’t Force A Man To Value You.“
Here is part 1 : 50/50 Men Are Toxic
I am so excited about this series that breaks down your belief system. If you’re on your laptop, please leave some comments on Youtube. We need positive energy to keep this going. This is going to get better and better.
If you’re too afraid to fall in love, you’ll never find it. Or you’ll find it and won’t be able to keep it. ~ Kissy Denise
One of my Facebook friends posted a video with an interesting title today. He’s a single man, looking for answers. When I saw the title of the video, I knew something was wrong. My pings went off.
The video is below:
So the top 3 reasons he gave as to why a man shouldn’t fall in love:
He lets his life fall apart
He forgets his purpose
He loses his focus
First off, I just want to get this out the way. He has the hierarchy wrong. It’s God, woman, then man.
When Eve pulled that move in the garden, she essentially freed women to have a choice of what they wanted to do and who they wanted to be in a relationship with. In addition, it’s the woman who has the power to bring life into this world. A woman can get pregnant through artificial insemination, however a man can not create a baby without the presence of a woman.
When it comes to knowledge, a woman is the one who is implanted with divine wisdom that creates prosperous business ideas. She then passes on those brilliant ideas to her husband, who puts them into play.
That is why the bible states:
Since the inception of the earth, women have been lead to believe that they are 2nd class citizens with no power, gifts or capabilities outside the bedroom and kitchen. However a divine man is very well aware that the woman is God’s greatest creation. A masterpiece indeed.
The charm, raw femininity and alluring sex appeal of a woman can bring even the strongest man to his knees. She has the power to destroy him, if he makes her unhappy. However the right woman who operates in true Goddess essence does not seek to emasculate a man or destroy him. In fact she seeks to see his Kingdom come into full fruition.
There are 8 different kinds of women:
TYPE 1:The Woman Society Made – Many women will throw away all of their power and completely submit to a man’s desires, with no desires of her own. She waits on her husband hand and foot, in hopes of seeing his dreams come true. She lives through him. His happiness is her happiness. Whatever he says goes. Often times her successful man has no value for her and leaves her for a younger woman. Which causes her to lose her entire identify.
TYPE 2:The Feminine Domestic Goddess – This woman uses her feminine charms to nurture a man into success. She cooks, cleans, and often implants ideas into his head, that he assumes are those of his own. She plays chess and not checkers and effortlessly directs her man to heights of great success by charming him, dropping breadcrumbs and leading him to victory in his purpose, that he often believes he’s done all by himself. She loves him, so she often doesn’t mind the lack of credit. Eventually she will though and will leave such a man, and his empire may crumble without her.
TYPE 3:The Masculine Goddess – She attracts feminine men who want to play 50/50. She knows she has power and is quite successful in her own right, so she wants to show the man that he too has power, so that he can become more masculine, lead the household, and believe in his ability to provide. She will outright tell him that he needs to do A. B. C. and D. in order to win. She will tell him everything he’s doing wrong, and cheer for him when he makes great advancements. She even upgrades is wardrobe and etiquette. She leads him to discovering his purpose and living in it. He probably had no idea what purpose was before he met her. This woman literally changes the life trajectory of a man, and alters his life so deeply that he can’t begin to see what she’s done for him, or how deeply she sacrificially loves him. The whole time he talks bad about her to his family and friends. Once she cleans him up and gets him to believe in himself, he leaves for the next woman, because he resents her. He resents the woman who changed him, and was willing to do what it took to get him to find his strength. He replaces her for a woman who doesn’t know his past.
TYPE 4:The 50/50 Woman – This woman doesn’t know her power. She simply seeks love and companionship and hopes it will work out. She’s happy as long as her husband has something going for himself. She wants to grow together with him. He pays half the bills, and she pays half or sometimes pays more than half. Often the man in this relationship cheats with a woman that he has to provide something for, or a woman he can be a savior for and pay bills for. This type of woman doesn’t have an understanding that men have an innate desire to be a Captain Save A Woman in NEED. It makes him feel good and strong. It’s a turn on.
Type 5:The High Class Golddigger – She loves super successful men and the freedom of the lifestyle that comes with it. She’s very feminine and doesn’t believe in working at all. She believes being a woman should and will pay all of her bills. As long as he has money he can do whatever he pleases. But the minute he runs out of money or gets too caught up in the side chicks she leaving, taking half and going on to the next man. The next high level man is easy to get because she’s financially set.
Type 6: The Lovely Clueless Woman – I’ll pay for everything, while you play video games. This woman simply wants love and companionship. Sometimes she gets tricked into taking care of a man and sometimes she does it feeling like she’s helping a man out, until he figures his life out. Rarely is this man working hard to uplevel in life. The man usually talks bad about her to his friends and family. While she feels like she’s helping him, his mindset believes he’s using her. He has very little value for her, and is only waiting until a new woman comes along. Next victim…
Type 7: The Ratchet Trailer Park Chick – It’s whatever, whenever. She has no desire to see her man do better. She doesn’t care whether he’s a King or a peasant. Top flight security is cool with her. As long as he’s somewhat faithful she’s happy with him. She has very little expectations of him, other than to buy weed and pay a bill here and there. Destroy her heart with lies, and she will attempt to destroy his life. At the same time this type of woman is also greatly unappreciative of a good man…
Type 8: The Selfish Loveless Woman AKA Low Level Gold Digger – She only wants what she can get from a man. All of his affection and attention. She can care less what he does, as long as he brings home the bacon and buys her bags, and gives her great sex, she’s happy. The minute she feels like he’s losing interest or isn’t fascinated with her, she will seek to destroy him.
Some women of course are a mix of a few types. Those women can keep any man they want and eventually end up getting what they want from a man. But they do right by their man.
SELF-ACCOUNTABILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS
Now with 8 different kids of women to pick from, one must see how a man always has many great women to choose from, but somehow he buys into the one who speaks kind words and no actions, because it’s plugged into society that women don’t have to do action, but to simply be sweet and charming in order to get what they want from a man. More than anything sweet words are what most men desire. Tell them that they are the greatest. Action women on the other hand who do more than simply words, get taken advantage of, some men will resent them for doing more than he’s capable of doing. He’ll date a woman in a lesser position just to restore his dignity as a man. (Stop trying to build men up ladies. It’s a waste of your time and a great sacrifice. Take my word on that. DO NOT go out learning this lesson on your own. It’s costly.)
On the other hand, women who offer sex and sweet feminine words, with no action, are often able to get over on men who are attracted to them.
What this gentleman is saying is understandable. However he’s speaking from a broken place. He’s broken and the men agreeing with him are broken too. He’s taking his bad decisions and now planting seeds into the mind of other unawakened men. It’s one big emotionally unhealthy breeding ground.
In life we must take great accountability for our decisions on who we choose to date. We often place our happiness into other people’s hands not understanding that we are responsible for our own happiness and no one can make us feel any kind of way.
I’ve seen many powerful women who nurture men, help them find their passion and purpose, keep him in shape, and would never stand by and watch her man’s life fall apart. But it takes a certain kind of strength to be such a woman. Not every man is willing to do what it takes to be with such a woman. Nor is that kind of woman rarely ever actually valued. Often times the men she uplifts end up resenting her.
There are 97.9 males per 100 females. There is always, a few extra single women just waiting on a good man to notice her. Many women these days are desperate for a man to even notice them. She will gladly take a $5 coffee date in hopes of meeting the love of her life. She doesn’t require a man do anything to impress her at all, except show up, be attentive and say he likes her. Piece of cake. Others will gladly go over a man’s house on the first date for a bag of chips, cuddle, netflix, chill and let me hit that type of date. (If this description triggers you, get your life sis and learn to value yourself.)
A man has to get his antenna fixed when he can’t seem to pick a good one. Goddess women do the choosing, but for the rest, they wait around on a man to choose them. A man has a great deal of power when it comes to dating.
Society blames women for picking bad men, but where is the blame for men not believing in themselves to go after the amazing woman that will love him, cherish him and treat him like a King? Perhaps deep down, he really doesn’t have a desire to be King? 🤔 In that case, what is HE afraid of? What needs to be healed in him? You will never find love if you’re too afraid to let go and relinquish control. It takes trust on both ends. A man who doesn’t trust himself to love, won’t attract a woman who will feel safe loving him. He then sabotages his own relationships and blames the woman for the demise… Perhaps de’s a bit of a narcissist and keeps settling for less than he wants, because he’s too afraid to be the man he was called to be… (Figure out your own ish)
Otherwise if you’re a man and you don’t desire to fall in love with a woman, would you prefer to fall in love with another man? Would you be open and vulnerable with him? (That’s exactly how ridiculous a man sounds saying a man shouldn’t fall in love with a woman.) A man who doesn’t value the women he’s sleeping with causes so much heartbreak, then he wonders why karma serves him with a woman who brings him to his knees.
If one chooses to to be receptive to advice from anyone who fails to take self-accountability, they too will find themselves in a basic, loveless relationship. Which is insane, because we were put here on earth to experience love. God is love.But when you don’t spend time getting to know God, you may not understand these things. Without love one will have a very difficult time growing and ascending to a higher level of consciousness.
A soul can’t just go around blaming everyone else. You must learn to work through your own sh*t to discover what part you played in situations.
Ladies, get yourself a HEALED man for a healthy relationship with amazing sex and heartwarming conversations with a man who wants to see you prosper and bloom in every way. It makes all the difference in the world. Women in such relationships evolve so rapidly and beautifully. Just look at Ciara…
LOVE is my thing. I wish everyone a beautiful, prosperous relationship that lasts a lifetime. However many simply don’t know how to attract a good mate, maintain a good mate, or to simply get the kind of mate they want. Once they find out the key, a shift happens and their entire life changes. They start getting what they want in every area of life.
MESSAGE ME HEREto ask about joining my new 1 on 1 coaching program to help you heal and attract your soulmate.
It may surprise you to find out the traits that makes a woman high value to a man.
Even the most intelligent woman would be surprised to find out what a man values. For one, he most likely does not value her success or accolades. He doesn’t even care about that. So don’t go stuffing yourself with degrees, thinking that will make you more valuable… Men operate a bit different. They are mostly looking for a woman who is soft, sweet, catering and feminine.
Another thing is, men value women who are not willing to do anything more than a woman is supposed to to. For instance, masculine men do not favor women who are wiling to go 50/50 on the bills with him. He has a very strong desire to provide for his family.
Below are 5 traits that make a woman high value in the eyes of a man.
1. She is happy, has a positive, uplifting attitude and builds him up. (There’s a way to go about this)
2. She is patient and kind, and not easily angered.
3. She is flexible, easy going and all out chill with no pressure.
4. She is passionate about her goals/her career and has a drama-free life. (Boys won’t value this)
5. She places a high value on loyalty, honest and communication. (Boys won’t value this.)
Many women are becoming upset by talks of feminism, but that’s exactly what men like. Sometimes you have to go with the flow. It makes things a lot smoother.
Remember that nothing is 100%, what works for one couple, may not work for another. It’s all about what works for the both of you.
If you’re interested in a deep dive on relationships, and learning how to attract your soul mate, join me inside my Facebook group 1st Dates To Soulmates. It’s a place for people who still believe in the power of pure love.
First I would like to tell you that your money and your heart are strongly interconnected. Money is an energy that flows from the heart. So, if your heart isn’t healed your money flow may be sealed. Learning this fact changed everything for me. I began to think with an abundant mindset.
As a black woman when I happened across a particular statement while suffer the net the other day, it set me to thinking a bit deeper
The statement read:
“Single black women over 60 with a college degree have only $11,000 in wealth, while single white women with a college degree have $384,400.”
The first step to healing is admitting we have a problem.
In the article, ascertain was given based upon familial/generational wealth being passed down inside the family, but that’s not where I’m going with this. Everyone really does have a chance at becoming a millionaire, so lets just stick with that fact.
My focus here is the reason why so many beautiful, successful black women are single or unmarried. If you do a google search most likely an article will come up and say it’s because of their attitudes and not being submissive enough. But having consoled submissive black women who were screwed over, I see a hidden truth, that the mass isn’t aware of.
Now, it’s true that no one is perfect and everyone could benefit from a little self-development, but the issues between black women and black men are so much deeper that what is seen on the surface.
A hidden truth is the average black man does not value the sanctity of marriage, nor does he know what a good woman is because he didn’t have a good father to teach him. Black men are often taught to sow their wild oats and run through women in their 20’s. They are taught to have multiple women and live chaotic lives, with very little focus on financial literacy. Popular rap videos showing scantily clad women and lyrics boasting a new chick every day of the week, add to keeping the culture lost and confused. The title baby mama is way more prevalent in the black community than the title of wife. So much that married black women online will often tease other black women for being single. While any woman can get married tomorrow if she wanted to, the problem is that successful black women refuse to marry into the baggage and chaos.
Now that he’s matured and done it all rapper Jay-Z speaks out on cheating and is showing attempts to undo some of his former teachings when it comes to how to value a woman. His new thing is telling men to avoid messing around and risk losing their Beyonce. I don’t know how many caught the message. As many brothers are still online preaching misogny, open-relationships and polygamy. Things that take very little effort to pull off.
NEW ORLEANS, LA – FEBRUARY 19: Jay Z, Blue Ivy Carter and Beyonce Knowles attend the 66th NBA All-Star Game at Smoothie King Center on February 19, 2017 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images)
Meanwhile white men show a history of getting married and building legacies that create wealth.
Take race out and here is a simple fact. Married men earn more money than single men.
While Ray-Ray is off on the hunt for his third baby mama, he has no clue that he’s missing out on at least $80,0000 per year by staying single. Ray, Ray can’t even picture himself making $80,000 a year, but Mr. Playa, I graduated from college and have a good job can. He’s missing out on $80K a year plus calculate the money he spends on dates with women he will soon part from. It’s all good though, cause he received sex out of the situation. It’s now on to the next conquest.
The wages of married men far surpass those of all of groups. They exceed $80,000 per year by their peak earning years, while all the other groups barely graze $50,000 per year, according to data from the University of Minnesota and IPUMS-USA, a database of individual responses from the U.S. Census Bureau.
Many couples go 50/50 these days, just to end in disaster.Research shows that married heterosexual couples seem to be more comfortable when a husband earns more than his wife.
While it’s not a proven fact, sexism can play a role in the higher wages of married men. Research shows that male hiring managers may be more likely to pay men more, and if they’re older, they too may be married and believe that a man who has a wife and family may deserve more money.
The Washington Post suggests a couple reasons why marriage is a financial benefit for men, regardless of color lines.
Married men assume a new identity: This theory explains that the added weight of family responsibility may help position men in a different social standing.
Research also suggests that married men are more likely to go after high-paying jobs than single men.
Findings also suggest that men receive beneficial advice from their wives that add to their careers.
There is also research that indicates employers give hiring preference to married men.
This research is not surprising.Even the bible says ‘When a man finds a wife, he finds what is good. He receives favor from the Lord.
A married man is a blessed man.
Here is why:
Women have a great deal of knowledge and wisdom in them. Single men are taught to be egocentric and ignore the advice of women. However married men can’t deny the immense amount of knowledge given to them by their wife and the financial benefits their business/careers reap, which allow him in return to be able to provide for his family.
It is not natural for a man to be with one woman. He has an innate desire to explore and spread his seeds. So the unknowing ones spread their seeds as thin as possible. They are focused on sex and quantity of quality. Meanwhile the mature, progressive man follows Gods words. He learns to put away his childish desires. He learns to fight, and spend time with one woman. His personal development explodes through a growth due to experiences that he can only acquire by committing to one woman for a great length of time. A man will learn more by committing himself to one good woman for 5 years, than he will ever learn from focusing on multiple women over a 5-year-period. In fact you may notice that men who are over 35 and constantly chasing sex, tend to not be as mentally developed as they should be.Their finances are often relative to a 22-year-old boy. For one can not grow, if their knowledge base and value system doesn’t know grow and change throughout the years.
A 35-year-old man who has been married and comes home to a family every day, statically has acquired more wealth than that of a 50-year-old player. It doesn’t take a great deal of research to focus in on the why. But the biggest why is that God rewards him for fighting past his carnal urges. Just like we have to fight against bad habits, we have to fight against some of our carnal desires that feel so natural.
On the other hand beautiful, highly intelligent, successful, loving, single women are trotting off to exotic islands by themselves or with female friends, knowing that’s not the way they planned their life. But they refuse to let a man get in the way of their dreams and goals so they settle for a single vacation. These women could easily capture the heart of just about any man, but their heart will only fully love and submit to the heart of a man with plans who values her.
While single-life vacation photos on social media look really fun, lets just admit that taking that same trip with a partner would be so much more fun. Think about all of the fun vacations you had. Now tell me the most memorable ones aren’t the ones where you had love by your side… Seeing new places with the one you loves makes the experience quite transcending. Peace and the love can’t be purchased. In fact it’s priceless. Everyone should feel love & peace. It’s what life is all about.
Boss chicks know the clock is ticking, but they’ve accepted the thought that they just may be single forever. She has her own money, and can do whatever she wants. However what she doesn’t realize is that she needs to invest in finding out exactly why she hasn’t been able to attract the mate of her dreams.
I know she’s either not dating or she constantly goes out on dates with men who she already knows is more than likely a waste of her time, but she tries anyway… She thinks well maybe people are right. Maybe she wants too much. She’s starting to think that maybe her standards are too high. How many more men are you going to deal with, that don’t quite measure up?
Meanwhile, I’m speaking with males who are good men, and I’m healing their hearts of all the darkness that has befallen them, from being in relationships with women who don’t love, value, appreciate, or respect them. Many a man is actually a good man. He provides, he uplifts her and even teaches her how to start her own business so that she can shine. He tells her she’s beautiful. He’s willing to take care of her children from a former relationship. He’s in the gym, he goes to church, and wants to do what’s right in life. Yet he’s stuck in a relationship with a woman who still doesn’t see him. He can’t even get the emotional support he needs an entrepreneur.
Amazing people who do amazing things, deserve a good mate. You all are out there lost, looking for a better way and giving up hope.
While this lifelong problem has persisted for many, the good news is that there is a fix, a plan to find the right one, and increase your finances in the process.
As a spiritual relationship coach who teaches abundance in love and finances, I have a secret to share with you. Theres’s simply a few important keys that are missing in your knowledge bank. You can get the mate your heart truly desires.
Love is so real and so abundant in this world. Don’t miss the opportunity to improve your love life and your finances too. I mean just admit it, going to other people’s dream weddings are sooo much fun, but wouldn’t throwing your own beautiful wedding, be better?
