There is a very interesting conversation going on in the world right now… Well let me not say RIGHT NOW. This conversation has been going on and on for more than a decade now.
We’re talking the relationships between black women and black men.
Most black women THESE DAYS are masculine AF and proud of it. As long as we have money in our bank account, can take care of our kids and buy whatever we want, we don’t mind being called masculine. (Minus the small portion who sees their light shining brighter by shifting into femininity.)
Honestly black boss chicks would rather have a whole LOT of money vs. having a no good man if we only had to choose one…
Once again, the feminine woman chooses BOTH.
We’d much rather be single than catering to a 50/50 man.
With black men mostly meeting black women with a high degree of masculinity, and black women mostly meeting wanna be alpha males who have no desire to provide, although they have no problem partaking in sex, procreation and everything other than having a healthy marriage; we get an idea as to why relationships are possibly in the trash in the black community.
Once again, feminine women have pretty good relationships… So do masculine energy black women who fully love themselves and mate with a man who fully loves her too.
In a recent podcast interview Dr. Umar Johnson said that black men have failed as the leaders of the community, by laying back and not helping women, kids, and generally being better men.
“Because black men as the leaders of the community have said they don’t want the responsibility of leading, they want to fall back and let the black woman lead.”
“Pookie and Ray Ray shouldn’t exist. They exist because we’re not in the community making a better example.”
“Men are supposed to raise the boys.”
WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW:
I was asked by one of my followers what I thought about Dr. Umar’s statement.
From my perspective Dr. Umar is both right and wrong.
Here is why he is right. As a woman who grew up in the projects, the men in my neighborhood generally sucked when it came to being a good boyfriend/man. That simply wasn’t a concept. Cheating was a norm, although many did have provider hearts.
Being accustomed to such men I still knew to avoid the Pookie’s and the Ray Ray’s. I attracted men above that. Still there wasn’t a concept of faithfulness and being a man who provides. … They had issues too.
Also we as women were taught to impress me by being hard and a fighter to prove our worth. (I rejected tf out of that too. Hair and nails is expensive baby… and do not mess my outfit up. It’s too cute and girly.)
As a young adult, women in my community were often told don’t ask a man for anything that you can’t give yourself.
We were taught that in order to be worthy of having a good man, we had to meet him neck and neck.
Black women excel in business and relationships, so it’s no surprise that so many are highly successful. Now they want that GOOD MAN that they worked hard on their INCOME and COLLEGE DEGREES to get.
Lord help every woman who doesn’t understand femininity. 🙏
There was a viral post on social media that goes here.
“The “ soft girl life” is more than just fine dining, a luxury vacation, and french tip nails . Sis you gotta stop acting like a Rottweiler.” ~ Author Unknown, Message me the ORIGINAL author
Meeting a man neck and neck, means that black women often talk out the side of our neck to men, because that’s the only thing they seem to respect. Kindness, compassion, empathy, looking at a man as helpless and trying to please them leads to a woman suffering mental, emotional or verbal abuse at the hands of the man she loves. So does talking crazy to them… So most black women don’t know what to do with black men.
Black women often don’t mind going 50/50 with these same men, because of the always trending statement in the black community that you NEED 2 incomes to survive these days.
Lord thank you for allowing me to hit the billion dollar lottery. You are so awesome, wonderful and good to me. I appreciate you oh Great One.
Also, thank you for sending me such a wonderful husband and the love that we share. He’s such a great soulmate.
Another thank you LORD that I stopped allowing MYSELF to deal with phuck boys and men who didn’t value LOVING ME and my beautiful connection to you.
Thank you LORD for the healing of my mind, heart, body, and soul. You are so wonderful. How excellent are you oh Lamb of God. You have no rival, you have no equal, you are the only true and living GOD.
THANK YOU GOD FOR LOVING ME….. I WORSHIP YOU, AND ONLY YOU CAN.
Anyway, on the other side of healing comes the accumulation of wisdom. Knowledge that not every black woman goes through toxic relationships. Some have parents that have broken general curses by making better decisions and some were raised by parents who were raised right and some chicks simply got lucky and chose the right man off top… Or was it luck?
For example a woman who was raised in a two parent household with her father who provides for his wife, see black men providing as a norm and grow up to date and marry such men.
Men providing is actually quite NORMAL in African culture.
But over here in AMERICA where the African has been decolonized, stripped of his belief system, blames everything on the white man, while not knowing who he is and refusing to believe in himself, taking care of a woman and getting married is mostly considered simping.
Lord they are down here laughing at your instructions to take care of their wives and leave an inheritance to his children’s children. Instead they are focused on taking chicks out on low effort ice cream cone dates.
But back to what I was saying, women like Marjorie Harvey know better. She secured a King who provides for her entire family. Someone taught her well and it appears her daughter Lori is on the same path.
(This is where a ton of black women say, that just because she dates men with money doesn’t mean anything, doesn’t mean she’s happy, and money isn’t important and blah, blah, blah.)
Other women found a good man in college or before the age o 30. (How much femininity plays into this?)
These women don’t know anything about the Pookie’s and the Ray Ray’s. They are shocked to hear that women get abused, date broke men and end up with terrible men.
The men these women date/marry believe in the goodness of all men. They are clueless as to how some of these black men treat the women they sleep with…
These women are said to make GOOD DECISIONS because they chose GOOD MEN.
This group believes in the power of CHOICE and their ability to create the life they desire. They focus on thriving.
The other group with the Pookie’s believes that they don’t have much control over their lives. They’ve been functioning from survival.
It can feel really hard and almost impossible to choose a good man when their appears to be a shortage of them in your environment.
That’s a really GOOD/VALID excuse.
But what excuse do we give these women online who keep saying they want a high value man, but refuse to like, prefer and only be attracted to the CHARACTER of good men? These women deeply reject femininity, while blaming everything bad on men and not on their decisions.
This is where I agree with Dr. Umar and disagree. Black men are not responsible for the bad choices black women make, but what is Sis to do when most of her bad decisions were to date, love, procreate with, or have sex with a black man? Most of her problems were caused by black men and she only had 100 to choose from and 2 were good men out of 100…. (Hypothetical visualtion) Now place those 100 men on the ballfield, without a woman knowing how to properly vet men and chances are she’s going to choose a mate from the 98% or let a man from the 98% pick her.
Men from that 98% are terrible leaders in their relationships and often lack focus on their purpose and contribution to their community. So therefore these women become the leaders of everything.
Meanwhile the other group with the feminine women married to the good men who provide, they lean back and lead from the back through the art of feminine inspiration.
To Dr. Umar’s point how many men from the good side are mentoring other women’s kids and volunteering to mentor the boys of women they haven’t slept with?
Leading back to the podcast, Umar said that the podcaster was part of the problem, as he didn’t believe in raising another man’s kids or dealing with a masculine woman with another man’s kids.
It felt like he believes that single mothers are single due to being masculine.
Is it really a black man’s responsibility to be everybody’s baby daddy?
No. I think not. However with that being said, should women have more gratitude and respect for men who are willing to date/marry them and be a step-father to another man’s kids?
Should we have more gratitude for the good men and make it our mission to treat them like Kings?
At the end of the day, a certain type of man is responsible for the hurt, pain, disenchantment, bitterness, brokenness, low self-esteem, people pleasing and denial of desires of most black women. That certain type also walks the earth in ABUNDANCE.
That’s all I will say.
Well one more thing. Relationships are about the relationship you have with yourself. Is it hard for a black woman to have a good relationship with herself, if the man she chooses to love, who has her same skin complexion, beats her, mistreats her, uses and casts her to the side?
This is why some enlightened people will tell black women and blacks in general to stop identifying with a RACE, due to the stigma, mindset and belief system they may come with being black..
I’m done for real now.
What are your thoughts?