You broke your own heart by dating a narcissist

There’s a group of us in the world who love hard. When we love it’s engulfing. It’s total and complete. It’s forgiving and unconditional. We love people the way we want someone to love us. But while we love, we are constantly evolving, growing and changing. 

As we grow and evolve into our highest selves, we often try to drag those we love with us.  To no avail of course. 

When you’re a big ball of evolving love, people often think you’re weak or that you’re dumb or stupid. They have no understanding that you simply choose to be love and share your immense love with people. 

But let’s get to the part where you broke your own heart. 

So you were with this person right, and from the very beginning they did something that violated your very soul. Or they showed signs of not truly operating at your level of standards and have very little value for you and yours. 

But your loving heart looked at them with empathy and figured maybe they just didn’t know any better.  You figured you could help them change and see the light. So you forgave, looked over, past and beyond their inadequacies. After all, you loved them. And if they simply listened to you and followed your lead you knew everything would be okay. 

And maybe they’d follow your lead a little, then suddenly they’d do something to go backwards again. 

You see when they sense that you are changing them, they run and go back to what was comfortable. Their former self. Their former behavior. That’s their way of taking their power back and letting you know that you can’t control them.  A narcissist wants to be loved but love to them is being able to get over on become, cheat, lie and be dysfunctional.

But back to you. What you may not realize is that that crazy relationship you had where this person or these people violated your heart and soul in every way possible, had to happen. 

If you didn’t put up with all of that crazy stuff how would you truly know how amazing you are? How would you really be able to see you’re in a whole other league, than the rest of the world is?

Chances are after that relationship you found your light. Your purpose was birthed. Suddenly you realized that you’re ten times more amazing than you are. Suddenly there was something big you needed to do in this world. You knew there was a reason you were born…

You discovered that by breaking your own heart, and deciding to be love and not walking away the first time that person violated you. 

You see we teach people how to teach us by the things we accept from them. People don’t necessarily make mistakes to violate us. Instead they make decisions to.  When people show you who they are believe them the first time. 

You expected them to change and become a better person. Which is why expectations ruins relationships. 

I know it sounds crazy right. Like why can’t you expect a person to love you when they said they did? Because that’s not how it works. You actually can’t expect people to be anymore than they already are. 

A person who is love is going to be love. That’s what they are going to give you. An evolving person constantly evolves because they want more out of life. They just get it. So you can expect them to keep growing, evolving and becoming a better person and treating you better in the process. 

When you date someone and in the very beginning they show you they don’t value you, it doesn’t actually get better over time. It actually gets worse. The beginning of the relationship is actually one of the best parts. It’s when your hormones are flowing and the love or lust you feel is extremely intense. You want this person. You crave this person. No other person will do.  You understand this and that’s the way you feel, yet you are understanding when someone else doesn’t. You think they just don’t understand your value yet and they will later. 

But you fail to realize that person is clearly telling you that you are not the one early. It’s one thing to date and also be dating other people at the same time. But once that person agrees to be in  relationship with you the focus should be you. But that’s only for people whose real intent is true love. 

Not everyone is looking for true love. Some people don’t even know what they want. Some people think they know what they want until they get it and realize they left a few things off the list, and you cause them to tweak their list and then they start looking for what they really want while continuing to be with you. 

So they made you feel small. They broke down your walls. Now that you’re far removed from that relationship you feel nothing… Nothing after once holding on, thinking they would come around.. 

Then one day you finally made the decision that you deserved better.  And now you’re here, reading this blog.  

Do you see how much stuff that person had to put you through for you to get to the point of not just feeling like you deserve better, but deciding that you were going to get better and not accept any less than that?

So that’s how you broke your own heart, by not making the decision the first time they devastated you, that you right then deserved better. 

But how could you make such a strong decision at the time? You probably didn’t truly know who you were. You probably didn’t see your own inherent value. But now you do. 

That’s why there is no need to be upset at those who’ve mistreated you. They made you love yourself enough to seek out what you deserve. Love in the purest form of the highest extent. They way God meant for you to be loved. 

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