What looks like Self-Sabotage in relationships, is often Self-Sacrifice

by | Confidence & Self-Love, Love & Relationships

Once you start working on yourself. You work on yourself even when you’re unaware that you’re working yourself. Your soul is working on you, even in your sleep.  You’ll wake up with huge shifts, unexpectedly. 

Some days I wake up and I can clearly see a shift occurring.  One day I woke up and noticed that suddenly I was letting go of something. I was really calm about it, and accepted it. 

The next day, I woke up feeling a little triggered over it.  After sitting with the feeling for an hour and allowing myself to explore it, accept it, and feel it out,  I realized that I had just discovered a pattern.

The pattern of getting upset with people when I decided to no longer love them. 

Why would I get upset with such freedom and relief from pain?

Because I had self-sacrificed myself and continued in a relationship that I knew was doomed, in the name of hope and working it out. I continued on in the pain of not getting what I wanted out of a relationships. Positive thinking gone wrong. Spiritually seeing people as their highself self doesn’t always change things. 

Then when I finally got tired of not getting what I wanted, I had the audacity to be upset with them for MAKING me fall out of love with them. Cray! Like I was real life pissed off at my ex boyfriends for MAKING me fall out of love with them.

I placed all of the blame on THEM, instead of myself.  How despicable. Going into your patterns and darkness can be so UGH.  But without doing the work, who knows if the pattern would’ve ever stopped. Probably not. 

It’s really important that you face yourself and start dealing with your feelings.  I used to have a habit of not dealing with my feelings, because my feelings never mattered to the people that I was in relationships with.  Men didn’t care if I cried. They didn’t care how much they hurt me. They didn’t even care if they broke my heart. I truly got used to kicking my emotions to the side and believing that they did not serve me. 

However love serves me, so I would always return to it, like a pet owner who nurses a sick snake back to health, and then gets surprised that the healed snake now struck out at him and bit him. 

I actually allowed people to tell me that their mediocre love should be accepted by me. I self-sacrificed my own happiness in order to make them happy.  I put on rosey colored glasses and telling myself that they weren’t so bad, and that maybe I needed to be a better person.  I kept looking for what was wrong with me, instead of accepting that NO, they were not good enough for me and would probably never be.  They’d definitely never be if I accepted them the way they were. Which I partially did, or screamed about it.  Which people also don’t like when you scream at them. But I screamed instead of immediately dumping them, because I cared about them. 

But what about me? More self-sacrifice.  A man not completely showing up for me would even say it was self-sabotage because I was pushing him away.  Of course he thinks his not showing all the way up should be okay with me, because HE had better things to do.

I learned so much by actually not attempting to date, and to literally just allow people to BE around me, and see how that played out. 

During that time, the pain kept coming. The pain will keep going and going, until you stop, the pattern. 

In response to the pain, we often change ourselves into new people. We stop doing the nice things we once did. We try to conform to a better strategy that is said to work.  We forget to make the world conform to us. 

One thing that’s important for Unicorns to know is that you will always attract love. You are magical. You truly love other humans.  But the humans are playing a completely different game from you. You’re not even in the game.  You’re just there being love. But when they see you, they can’t SEE you, so they start up with their same strategy they’ve been using, or the new one they want to use.  Either way it doesn’t work for you. Nothing works for you accept divine love. 

What is happening here is that although you can have a great amount of love for yourself, and that would be quite enough for most humans, but you have to love yourself even more. 

You have to stop caring about others more than you care about yourself. You have to stop putting others first.  In your mind you are putting love first, which is good. But your definition of love is different from others. When the match is correct you share the same concept of love.

Getting with someone who doesn’t share that same concept is self-sabotage. Your empathic traits keeps you always focused on the other person understanding where they are coming from.  That empathy and understanding makes you forget about yourself. You start trying to accept them, but they never accept you for you, because you are not being you. 

Therefore the way they treat you is a reflection of you.  THAT is why you are always the common denominator. 

You’ll always attract love, but you are judged based upon the character of people you allow into YOUR life and HOW they treat you. 

Meghan Markle is admired because she married a Prince who treats her like a Queen and puts her first.

Ciara is admired because she has a man who treats her like a Queen. She wasn’t admired when she was with Future who dogged her out. 50 Cent dogged her out too. So did Bow Wow. Each wanted multiple women. Russel wanted a Queen to honor.  Ciara is still the same woman, but her reputation changed based upon the men she dated. 

People have to come to you with a desire to be one with you, a desire to pour love into you, and a desire to do right by you. 

Most of society offers mediocre, basic and scrappy love. You must get comfortable with the fact that those kinds are not your true. Everything is in abundance in life, but some things are so good, that they are 1 in a million.  Have you even met a million people? Did you give yourself time to find the one? Or did you rush and take whatever, thinking you could fix them and get them to see things your way?

The things we do to ourselves….  Now you can take self-accountability for other areas in your life, where you are placing the blame outside of yourself.  But don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes God is in control and sh*t happens, because that’s the way this goes. You only have so much control over your life. Control is an illusion.  Surrender is nothing more than understanding that this all goes God’s way, not your way, and accepting that.