The term “real woman” is used quite often, and women are often blamed for their relationships.
But my oh my how people miss the men who tell lies. A real woman needs a real man.
Many a woman has found herself in a relationship with a man who is married, in a whole other relationship and just outright living a damn lie.
By the time she finds out, she’s deeply in love.
But look here Sis. There were signs. You cut him too much damn slack. You were okay with him being “busy.” You make it okay for him to not take your calls. You made it easy, by ignoring the signs. You didn’t want to come off as difficult, needy or untrusting…
He told you that you were tripping.
You wanted to trust him, even though he gave your clear signs that he’s not super crazy about you.
You wanted him to feel that you’re easy going and easy to get along with.
Would you like to know the signs of a good man and how to keep a man from cheating on you? Would you like to stop attracting low vibe men, and attract a brilliant high value man, who is committed to you?
I’m about to tell you a short story, about how I avoided getting played. The names, state and locations have been changed to protect the not so good men.
Men are so awesome and so wonderful. They are the best thing since sliced cornbread, I tell you.
I flew into Miami to meet one of my male friends. This male friend and I travel together quite often. He takes me to the coolest places, no matter what city, state, or country we are in.
He puts me up at the best spots and always shows me a fabulous five star experience.
He even sends Ubers to take me to the airport to meet, so that I don’t have to drive to the airport. He’s quite a gentleman.
We will call this friend Oxford. Oxford is working on being an executive in the music industry. He makes multiple six figures and knows me very well.
The plane lands in MIA, and Oxford picks me up at the airport in a drop top Mercedes. He asks me what am I in the mood to eat. I say “CJ’s on Ocean Drive.” He immediately snubs his nose and says there are better places to get crab legs.
CJ’s was fine to me, as I really just like eating, people watching on Ocean Drive, and looking out at the clear blue ocean. It’s quite therapeutic for me. He takes me to some fancy spot and the King crab legs were indeed delicious and already cut open, which is very convenient for me.
Afterwards he takes me to some really cool hotel.. In the back of the hotel you can walk to the beach. Oddly enough people had walked very far out into the ocean, further than I’ve ever seen people go into the ocean without going under water. It looked like some kind of scene out of a movie.
Oxford suggested we walk out there, but I allowed my fear mind to take over and wouldn’t walk. Don’t know if I trusted that he would keep me safe, if I slipped or something… (I probably need to update my swimming lessons.. Although I can swim, I carry the belief that I don’t swim good enough for the ocean or deep waters.)
Anyway, I regret not wading out there and trying something new. Will go back to that hotel again and do it.
The next day he books us into another hotel. This time it’s the Fontaine Bleau. I love The Fontaine Bleau.. Mostly for the pool. The pool at the Fontaine Bleau is lit. They play hip hop and people really turn up and live their best life. The rooms are like $220 a night and up.
After checking in, we get on the elevator and go up to the top floor. Wooooo. Penthouse suite. Come thru Oxford. The man knows what I like. The view from the balcony is so beautiful, looking out over the Ocean.
Fontaine Bleau has a nightclub downstairs in the lobby called LIV.
LIV is lit like a Las Vegas club. Therefore a lot of high profile celebrities stay there.
As Oxford and I are walking downstairs to go to the valet, to my left I see a group of young black men in designer clothing. I keep walking and stop inside at the door as Oxford goes outside to give the ticket to valet.
As I was waiting, one of the men we’d passed boldly walked up to talk to me, and asked me where I was going. I could tell by the way he talked to me that he was a total boss. I told him that I was going out around the town.
He said “Come hang out with me, we’re going to the club.”
Me: “I already have plans with my friend.”
Now my friend is one of those guys that men always act like he’s not even there. They will stare at me, goo goo ga ga over me, say out loud how beautiful I am, come to flirt with me, even if he’s standing right next to me.
Somehow they just know that Oxford is not my man. Oxford dresses like nerd. He is a nerd.. I am a nerd too. But I don’t dress like one. Oxford believes people should like him for him, and hates materialistic people (yet loves hanging out with me.)
HIM: Leave him, come with me.
ME: Nah, I would never be that rude.
I tell him to follow me on social media. I find out he has 2 Million followers. His name is TROY.
Troy hits me up on social media a few hours later and asks me again to come go out with him. It sounded like a really good time, but I declined… So he shot me his number and told me to call whenever I got free.
I had a business meeting the next day, and Oxford had a business call he had to take, so we separated. I went down into the hotel lobby to chill.
Troy hits me up on social media and tells me to call him. I shoot him a text and he calls and asks where I am at. I told him that I was downstairs in the hotel lobby. He says he’s coming down.
He comes downstairs with a very famous entourage. He approaches me and sees my book on the table and asks me about it.
I lightly tell him how ‘YOU CAN’T FORCE A MAN TO VALUE YOU‘, is a book that heals women. This was kind of confusing to him, because he’s not spiritual so he’s not aware of Goddesses and healing powers.
Anyway, he asks me if he can buy the book from me. I tell him sure. He asks how much. I tell him $50, and he gives me $100.
I thought it to be pretty cool how he just offered to buy my book, gave me double, and immediately took interest in my writing.
His energy was also a bit different from the previous day. As I am sure after running through my social media he realized I wasn’t about to be the typical groupie he’s accustomed to. Men with popularity and money don’t impress me.
Troy is a very smart business man. He and his crew were on the way to a large event, expecting an audience of thousands.
He says he has to run, and that he and his crew were boarding a private jet to L.A.
Troy states how he would love to take me out some time to Maestro’s in L.A. I told him that would be nice, as I love the one in Malibu. I went for brunch once and they served fresh bread rolls that made me feel like I was living the life of my dreams. Some places really tap you into notification of higher self arrival.
The rolls were baked at a local farm, and flown in my helicopter daily. They were so delicious, as I sat overlooking the sandy beach and watched as the ocean waves flung themselves against the huge boulder rocks neatly stacked outside the glass window of the restaurant. Oxford has also taken me to the Mastro’s in L.A. a few times.
Anyway, the conversation ends, as my order came up, and Oxford was waiting on me. Later Troy texts me and once again asks to hang out. It’s about 1 a.m. He tells me his room number, but I am not going.
Most women when they meet a celebrity or a baller they would quickly diss their “friend” for the rich man.
You know like Chris Brown said, “When a rich n*gga wants you.”
A lot of chicks get invited to celebrity rooms, sex occurs, then the men send them on their way, never to be seen again. And the whole time, these men are VERY polite. Will have a woman thinking she just hit the jackpot.
When Oxford flys me in somewhere there is usually a celebrity male in town who asks why I didn’t call him and let him know that I was in town.
Oxford is often way more generous than the celebrity men, so there is no point of me dissing him for them. If I need something Oxford usually has my back.
I also don’t get much joy out of dealing with men who aren’t crazy about me. Even when I tried, I would get bored after a while.
Later Oxford and I are at a late night wing spot, and as we sit at a table waiting for our order to be prepared, I am texting Troy and he tells me he just walked into this wing spot. I look up and there he is in line ordering. What a coincidence. I was wondering what the Universe was telling me. There seems to be some synchronicities going on here.
Troy greets me, and we chop it up for a few minutes. Again he tells me to diss my friend and come out VIP with him and his crew. I politely turn him down and then head back to the table.
Most other women would’ve went for it.
When I got back to Vegas, Troy and I talked. He said that he wanted to work together. I followed up, with no response.
A week later I texted Troy and he said “Who is This?” He then calls and we have a great conversation.
He facetimed me once after that, but I was busy.
I texted him after that and we had a little light banter. My common senses told me that he was one of those guys who traveled heavy, didn’t take most women serious, and girls flocked to him and his crew. His crew is so hot that they attract massive groupies. That’s not how I roll, so I didn’t even bother trying to keep his attention. Especially if he wasn’t still talking about business.
I am sure many girls get ran through by him.
Anyway, a few days ago, he posted out of the blue, his wedding photos. He got married a month before I met him. Troy has an entire FAMILY.
Imagine the look of WOW on my face. Now I was so thankful that I didn’t hang out with him, get to liking him, and dissing my friend to hang with him. I am glad that I am a loyal person.
If not, I probably would’ve had my time wasted.
Anyway, for a man of his magnitude who moves the way he does, to suddenly post a photo of his wedding, made me wonder if he read “You Can’t Force A Man To Value You,” and decided to become a better man.
I won’t call or text him, but someday I’ll run into him and I’ll ask.
This experience reminded me to be on my paper when men approach me and talk business RIGHT AWAY. Always be closing on these men cause they are definitely trying to close on you, and not in a way that’s beneficial to you, if you don’t direct traffic.
I am unable to look at any man as a date. Men play a lot of games. He has to go through my client zone first, before I even play the game with him. Simple as that. Cause no man is about to waste my time. The average man isn’t in it to win. He’s in it for FUN. Sex with random women is fun to them. After all, why wouldn’t it be when they have an emotional connection at home already.
Character and loyalty can save you from getting your feelings hurt. But I would hate to be his wife. I am sure she knows and accepts it. Even with filtered photos, she’s a very plain looking woman. A lot of men marry the EMOTIONAL connection, but still chase baddies.
Oh you may be wondering about “my friend.” Here is what a great deal of men with money do. They chase an ABUNDANCE of beautiful women. They are “friends” with them all, and honestly don’t know one between another. They are all the same to these men.
Meanwhile the chicks gets badder and badder and meets better men…. That’s why a lot of affluent men are single. They get caught up in the lifestyle of chasing beautiful women. And often times the nerds who now have money, don’t even understand the beautiful women that they chase. They would want nothing more than for the beautiful women to be “normal.”
They also believe that the women are waiting to be chosen by them. They really don’t understand that a badd chick has a LINE of men coming at her. They usually ask to marry her when the glow up comes full circle.. I said NO. I would never marry a man who didn’t take me serious from day one.
No amount of money can make up for a man who can’t spot a diamond when he sees one. A relationship where the man doesn’t understand the woman’s innate value, won’t last.
The #1 problem most broken women have is that they failed to lose respect for the man who cheated on them and/or mistreated them. So they stayed and watched him cheat time and time again. They watched him keep talking to the girl who “isn’t anything to worry about,” while continuing to fully love him and cook meals for him. So in the end when she finally decides she’s had enough, he hates her and wants to take her down. He starts taking from her and actually tries to pull her down. He tries to break her. Suddenly it’s revenge against her and he’s telling everyone that SHE is the bad person.
At that point a bad man’s go to tends to be financial abuse. They will stop paying her bills, steal her money, withhold money, or take things from her that she has to spend money to replace… Others start to tell her nobody wants her, in order to further damage her self-esteem. Both methods are to make her feel like she can’t live without him. For the most part, by this point, she’s already broken down…
A woman has to understand that she will not get rewarded for spending her life with a no good man. He doesn’t even realize that by keeping a girl on the side he’s never going to keep the unconditional love you’re attempting to bless him him. He doesn’t realize he’s messing up his own relationship. He now blames you for putting up with it for so long. He thought he would eventually wear you down. Especially after dropping 4 kids in you. Most times, before he even meets you he’s met a succession of women who put up with the same things, and they too still love him, still yearn for him, and remain a side chick for him, always available to him whenever he temporarily wants her back.
The chick was the sidechick when he had a whole wife, she’s been down for whatever, whenever. Even though he left the wife, found new chicks and still didn’t marry her… She does not care if you’re the most amazing woman in the world, who waits on him hand and foot. No way she’s going to tell him, “Hey, maybe you should do right by this one.” Instead he calls her to talk bad about you, and she agrees with it all, keeping him under her spell. Keeping him from succeeding… Or he uses your relationship with him as a valuable woman to wield over her head. She now thinks she has something over you, because your no good man keeps talking to her. He won’t let her go, so even though he won’t actually chose her, she feels her vagina is superior.. The psychology behind a low self-esteem woman runs deep. That is what you are unknowingly competing with. You can’t win against that. A man can not like a woman who owns her own business and one who works the register of McDonald’s at the same time. What’s more important to him will always be the one on the lower end. The one on the higher end is for the sake of societal looks. His penis though really enjoys the less end. This is why it’s important to dismiss a man when you see him cheating with the less thans. It’s sending you such a clear message about what he values.
A permanent side-chick doesn’t care about you and his relationship. She wants to see him happy, only with her. She doesn’t love him in a way that she wants him to be happy with a good woman with standards. She constantly jumps while desperately waving her hand, informing him that she will love him and put up with anything. So you having the audacity to have standards, makes you a bad and difficult woman in his eyes. That sidechick/phuckboy love is something else. It’s all stemmed in selfishness and lack of successful future plans. Neither actually value themselves. Otherwise why would they intentionally invite so much chaos into their life? Bro now thinks that basic azz behavior is normal… Plus don’t forget the fact that they are playing on a team against you… You are sleeping with the enemy, and he wants peace when he comes home. You’d better not get upset with him.
The insanity of it all! Sometimes good women think they will be an exception to the rule. But the real rule is a man with no plans to be righteous in the relationship, plans to destroy the relationship. For every woman wakes up eventually…
This applies to both men and women.
You have no choice but to set a standard of what you will and won’t accept. Once they cross that boundary twice that’s an official notification of the way they feel about you and themselves. At that point you can’t deny it… But you stay because you want to be a good woman to a man who doesn’t even know what a good woman is, let alone her value. That is when you have to accept the fact that you are a willing participant in the chaos. (It’s hard to value something you can’t see. If you’re a good woman, only a good man will SEE you and treat you as such.)
Women will stay and maintain respect for an abusive man, instead of looking at him like the b*tch that he is. Keeping respect for him keeps your hurting over him.
For the most part, I see this with women who grew up with fathers. For some reason they will stick around to let a man destroy them. They become emotionally unstable and living in constant embarrassment. Classy women don’t want to hang out with the girl who fights her baby daddy’s side chick. And she doesn’t understand why. (Hood chicks are taught by no good men to fight other women for them. They take a lot of pride in fighting and being hardcore for a man who will continue to screw the both of them, with no condom. Their hood friends condone the behavior… Just like the friends of bad men condone their behavior. Birds of a feather flock together.)
Some women with fathers want so badly for a man to love them, the same way their father did. They will put up with WAY more than average, and it should be the opposite. On the other hand, women with no father figure will quickly say f*ck him! All respect lost. Why would you respect a man who mistreats you? If you’re such a Queen, and you’re the bomb.com, doesn’t a man have to be stupid af to not treat you right? Well okay. Treat him as such by telling him to kick rocks.
BLACK WOMEN IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH BAD MEN
Women with no father figure also have a very difficult time respecting a man who isn’t a real man or a man who actually needs her money or brilliance, but pretends he doesn’t. He tries to undervalue her. Such a strong woman knows when their balls are bigger than the male standing in front of them. She can see when he’s looking to snatch from her and take credit for everything. He gets labeled as a B*ch azz n*gga in her eyes. Her eyes start seeing real truths.
This is also particularly relevant to black women, and something society does not understand about black women. They say they don’t need a man, because the average black male they meet doesn’t treat her like a real man would. She has to do everything for him or watch him cheat, while she works 3 times harder than him, and pays all the bills. How could she respect such a man??? It’s crazy. 🤷♀️ Now say I’m lying.
Remy Ma is disrespectful af. But do you see her disrespecting her husband? Nope. Because he’s a real man with plans to prosper her. He makes her look better because he loves her, values her, is down for her, wants to see her shine and treats her right. It’s a beautiful thing to see a man treat the woman he loves like a Queen, as he should.
Although this post is relative to women in general, I think it’s extremely important for a black women to know their own truths. Don’t let society diagnose you. When a real man comes along you will get that attitude in order. End of story. You’re tired of broke men and men who fail to appreciate you. Now do yourself a favor and go the other way.
People have no idea how much uplifting a lot of black women try to do with average men. She’s so loving and unselfish that she doesn’t know that she shouldn’t feel sorry for a man who can’t afford to meet her standards. A man not cheating on a woman doesn’t cost a thing, but still a no good one would rather cheat. That’s more important to him than building a legacy. He doesn’t value his own life, so why should you? He’s capable of making the same about of money as you Sis, but he doesn’t because he doesn’t try as hard as you do. Stop feeling sorry for him Sis. He won’t appreciate you and more than likely you’re only building him up for the next woman, who now gets to look at him with respect because you taught him how to be a real man and gave him the tools and resources to do so… You mothered him. Sadly he more than likely will hate you for it. You won’t receive appreciation for it. Now you look like a woman who doesn’t value herself… Because society says if you did value yourself, you’d be with a good man who can afford you. You don’t get cool points for sympathy. Instead you get taken advantage of. (If it worked out for you GREAT! But don’t think that’s the norm.)
FEMALE VICTIMS OF EXTREMELY BAD RELATIONSHIPS
After the break-up, female “victims” of bad relationships now realize they’ve spent 5-years loving him, while he mistreated her. Then she’s going to spend another 5 years in Facebook groups – crying, devastated, calling herself a victim, spending her days crying about how bad her relationship was, crying about how hurt she is, and screaming about how she’s never going to date again. She’s extremely broken… Meanwhile other women are living their best lives… Gold diggers with no heart, are living it up. Other women with good men are living it up. Even the man who did her wrong is living his best life with his latest victim… Or he may even decide to be a good man to her, because she has standards and boundaries.
I’ve watched so many good women devastated over trying to love a man with no plans. I see these women emotionally devastated for years. Constantly crying, feeling unworthy, unlovable, depressed and stuck in a negative emotional cycle.
Personally – I lost respect for any male who I previously got into a relationship with me, and continued to do stupid stuff. In such cases, I signaled my brain to lose respect in order to counteract my heart. Cause the heart will just keep right on loving, day after day, year after year. You have to use your brain to remove yourself. #LogicOverEmotions
If you got yourself into the situation sometimes you must break your own heart and walk away while you’re still in love. Because that love for him is not serving you. While painful, You must learn to love yourself more than you love him. Your pure love should be reserved for a man who loves and appreciates you.
You actually have to place value on a good man, so that you will look down at a bad man. In order to have standards there must be something you don’t like. You can’t like everything and stand for everything and expect to get what you want. A bad man has to be beneath you.
The better moral standards you have, the better chance you have of maintaining a healthy, happy, successful relationship. A woman who wants more, can only pretend to be happy with less for so long… At the very least, a man should treat you well and love you like a Queen.
Some men say they want a Proverbs 31 wife, but wouldn’t know how to treat her if they found her. Most wouldn’t even be able to recognize her.
