People will always hate you for being great

People will always hate you for being great

I’ve been on the internet so long, that I could be like good ole Bush and say I invented it.

I’ve been a model, a Facebook advocate, a celebrity blogger and now a life coach. In each position my purpose was and still is a a great desire to help others live their best life.

But no matter if I showed up as my bold, brave, super-confident, feisty self, or remained cool and humble, there would be haters on the other side. Now that I’ve ascended to light, I feel some empathy for the dark souls who attempt to tear others down or stop people from having an opinion.  At the same time, I don’t. For while I can take all the sticks and stone thrown at me and have built a beautiful empire with each cherry brick, other people aren’t so strong.

I watched a coach in my friends list break down crying last night, because of someone online bullying her. This woman is beautiful on the inside and the outside. She speaks of God, and has a mission to uplift others.

I made it my business to uplift her and tell her she’s awesome.

I get attacks too. I ban people from one Facebook page and they then move to my other pages, and then create fake pages to pester me after that. It’s insanity. You would think I was a celebrity on tv already.  Sometimes they even come back years later like  “Hi Kissy.” trying to be friends. You know why? Because I never stop slaying. I rise!

I still remember my first obsessed superfan. He would send me thousands of dollars and go out of his way to spy on me online. Good ole Tonio… At the time i wondered why anyone would be so obsessed with a normal human being. But people being obsessed with me became the norm over the years. You don’t have to be a celebrity or be on tv to be great. You already are who you are. All a celebrity is, is someone who has millions of people who celebrate them. However social media influencers now have that same power.  You’re not great if it doesn’t come with hate.  Beyonce gets hated on, so does Oprah, Ellen Degenres and Jesus. Why should you be any different?

Take it from me, there is no point of being super nice hoping people will like you. People who are for you will love you regardless.  Your true tribe recognizes your value.  My following is cult-like. If you mess with me, that might come for your throat. They don’t play about their Kissy Denise.  You see on the other side of specs of hate are loads of love from people who live, value and appreciate you.

Stand in your power. There is no other option. Even if you try not to, the universe will smack you. Please stop wasting your time worrying about what these people think of you. Please stop hiding your gifts because you’re afraid of the attacks. God gave you a voice, a vision and a purpose. People are crying, on the bathroom floor crying, stressed out, looking for answers that God has placed inside of you.

The moment you stop being afraid to speak truths they need to hear, yes haters will come at your throat, for forcing them to think and see a new truth, that goes against who they believed they  were. Opening people’s eyes causes them to become furious. It’s a fight or flight defense.

Being a public figure light worker is a humble job. It almost feels sacrificial. That’s why you must have bullet-proof confidence before you step out into the battle field to do the job God called you to do. Submit to God, not to the haters. Don’t cower. Become more powerful. Otherwise you will allow them to talk you out of your destiny. (It gets better.)

Every time I even try to humble my ego like society says, people start picking at me, reminding me of who TF I AM.

Social media is my playground. Brand after brand, after brand. No matter what brand I build, they will come, because I stay authentic. I honestly thought I would be mostly ignored by haters as a life coach. But greatness is never ignored darling. 💜 A star is a star no matter what you do. You can never stop being you.

Your power and gifting is 100% inside of you. It’s not outside of you. Make yourself so irresistible that even your haters can’t get enough of you. Star power is money power. You create wealth by being your brand.

Keep slaying  with knowledge, love, light and truth.

Everything you go through, is all preparation…. Preparation for a bigger stage. It’s not happening to you, it’s happening for you and will serve your greater good.

And remember: Everything you want is on the other side of fear. I promise it’s better on the other side.

Written with Love,

Kissy 😘

MESSAGE ME if you’d like to work with me to remove self-doubt, increase your confidence and stop caring what people think of you.

The Reason R Kelly’s wife, Andrea, Should Change Her Last Name

The Reason R Kelly’s wife, Andrea, Should Change Her Last Name

I scanned “Surviving R. Kelly,” despite not really wanting to watching it, but being curious of course. As we did grow up listening to the Pied Piper sing.

Before I watched the show I decided to enter the vortex and watch from third person. Therefore what I saw had no affect on me. No judgement. Only truths.

What stood out most for me was Andrea Kelly.

There was a time when I too was sitting in a house allowing a man to hit me, hurt me, physically abuse me, verbally abuse me, and not appreciate me for the beautiful, amazing, light filled woman that I am. The woman who literally showed him how to create a 6 Figure business.

I was told by him that I was ‘Stupid,’ I knew…. nothing about me was stupid.

Nothing except being with him. Because I must always tell myself my truths, I could no longer allow myself to be with such a man. The costs and the losses no longer mattered. I prayed to God to relieve me of just a little bit of the love I had for him. Just enough to give me the strength to release myself and walk away from him.

I did that. My life after that seemed like it fell apart. I bounced around homeless for a while and rather destitute.

I cried for about 6 months straight. My abuser was also my best friend. I felt like I’d lost 2 great things at once. The emotional pain was severe. I fought and I fought month after month to get through it. I was intent on healing myself. I knew there was no point of my tears. After all the people who break your heart and abuse you don’t care. It’s part of who they are.

Crying over them is a waste of your time. They happily move on to the next victim. Which why  must take self-accountability for staying and allowing yourself to be mistreated.

After leaving my abusive situation, I created a 6 Figure blog that impacted the life of others. My followers had no idea what I’d been through, because I don’t do the victim thing. I’m a warrior and a survivor of other people’s b.s. behavior.  But had I stayed in an abusive relationship, that blog never would’ve happened. You are literally doing yourself and the world a disservice by allowing yourself to be used and abused.

Now that you know my background, my thoughts on Andrea.

It’s obvious she’s still reeling and going through the pain and the anger. However she takes no self-accountability for staying. For allowing her children to witness the madness.

But I understand, when finances are involved you continue to allow the abuse, instead of believing that God will take care of you. Often you make decisions that you feel are in the best interest and preservation of your children’s happiness. You do the best you can at the time.

I didn’t know God super well at the time of my abusive situation, but I knew him to be real and prayed to him. I did go homeless after that,  but still I left.  Money was not my God. I would no longer allow it to hold me hostage.

HEALING

While painful, in order to heal, one must accept the FACT that they stayed and allowed the abuse to continue.

Many  women say their earned their husband’s last name and they’re not changing it. That’s understandable.

However, how do you hate a person so badly and still continue to carry their last name, and say you earned it? That shows lack of identity in who you are. If you don’t want to go back to your old name, that’s understandable, but heal and find a new husband. Carrying the name of your abuser is a constant reminder of the pain.

DISSOLVING PAIN

There are thousands of men and women who are going through an abusive situation at this very moment,  or trying to heal from one, after walking away.

Heartbreak messes with your finances.  During this time it’s best to be around a group of people who understand what you’re going through, and they too are fighting to heal and form a new life, just like you.

I’m launching a new group course called Heartbreak to 6 Figures for broken souls who are ready to do the work it takes to heal and build a purposeful business that helps others.

The program does require a financial investment in yourself. It’s going to change your life, break chains, and stop the cycle of abuse and lack of self-love in your life.

This program is not for you, if you don’t believe you can make 6 Figures. It’s not for you if you have an excuse as to why you aren’t willing to invest money into something that’s going to change your life and the life of your kids, along with future generations.

It’s also not for you, if you don’t really feel it in your soul, that it’s time to make a change, and that God is calling you to do more.

This program is for superstars who are ready to dust themselves off and try again.

Click Here if you’re ready to heal you life and  go FROM HEARTBREAK TO 6 FIGURES. 

TRUST & Why Cheating is A Waste Of Time In Relationships

Today we are going to talk about TRUST.  Trust is one of the most important factors of a healthy relationship, whether it be romantic, business or friendship.  People want to be able to trust you both physically and emotionally.

ENTITLEMENT

The personality type that is most responsible for ruining trust in a relationship, is someone who feels a great sense of entitlement.  Entitled people tend to feel like they have a right to feel happy at all times, no matter the cost to their partner. Entitled people take a great deal of pride in cheating and lying. And if their partner knows who they are, and sets boundaries, they become boring to the entitled person.  So they create drama to cultivate constant highs. They cause pain in the life of their mate, in their own lives and the life of the people they cheat with. This makes them feel special, validated and important.

 

  • Entitled people tend to blame others for their problems. They believe others and outside sources are responsible for their lack of happiness and fulfillment. They blame everyone else, but never themselves.   
  • Entitled people operate mostly through ego. They are attracted to those who are willing to make constant sacrifices for them.  That sacrifice often desired is to drag those who love them through the mud, in order to prove their undying love to the entitled partner.  
  • The entitled partner often times does not love themselves and feels undeserving of real love. Therefore they doubt that anyone who actually tries to help them actually loves them. Love to an entitled male for example is usually a down azz chick who will have sex with him while his wife is upstairs sleeping.  Love to an entitled man is the chick who will be his side chick throughout his relationships. A woman having no boundaries and no respect for herself as a Queen, is a loving woman, to an entitled man.

 

It sounds insane, but many men require this level of loyalty from a woman. He doesn’t care about how much he embarrasses her or lowers her self-esteem. In fact he wants her self-esteem to be low and okay with his disrupting ways so that she will be addicted to him and feel like she needs him. The only thing she can trust him to do, is to do whatever pleases him, even if it’s not in the best interest of their relationship.

TRUST

Now for those who want a healthy, prosperous, committed relationship, that hopefully lasts a lifetime, TRUST IS a VERY IMPORTANT factor in all of their relationships. Trust is what ultimately forms a deep bond in romantic relationships. However, MANY DON’T KNOW HOW TO BUILD TRUST.   

HOW TO BUILD TRUST

A great way to build trust is by simply being honest.  When I ask someone their opinion of something, I can gather how much I can trust them, based upon their response.  If they can’t see things at my vision level or above, I can’t trust some of their opinions in certain areas of life. For example, when people told me my teeth were perfectly fine. The people who told me that, had a desire to be normal…. They can’t guide me on where I’m going. Can you imagine Beyonce with messed up teeth? No you can not.  If you tell me I’m ugly, I can’t trust your opinion either. I only trust people who speak real truths. I trust people who speak in alignment with where I’m going. Some chicks should stop trusting friends cause they let you leave out the house looking any kind of way.

Trust is not built upon being a down azz chick. Trust isn’t built on constantly letting someone screw you over.  That shows a person that they don’t have to value you. Even more, wise people know that a person who accepts anything from their partner actually can’t be trusted. A person who has no boundaries or standards will fall for anything. If a person doesn’t stand for something, they will fall for anything. Like the cable guy or the pool guy who told her she’s cute, the day after she found out you cheated on her.  So now she’s banging him on the couch, thinking she’s getting revenge.

The only people who find down azz chicks to be good mates, are men who are bad mates themselves…   Except they won’t like you if you do what they do.

Neither person in such a relationship will ever grow into the man or woman God called them to be. Because neither are being their best selves.  You can not be your best self when you’re always willing to settle for less.

Good men I noticed their trust radar is way off. Some men lie to their family and friends and tell them they are good men who take care of house and home, but in real life their woman pays for everything and they are just a lying little boy playing make believe and not really trying. But there are actually good men who really do take care of house and home, pay all the bills, and they are out working hard and their woman is constantly complaining about nothing, while riding around in the brand new car he bought her.  He now walks around wondering why he’s not enough.

No relationship is perfect.  So, if you want to build a great relationship, conflict must be worked through, in order to build trust.  There is no conflict with a yes man or a down azz chick. Conflict only comes when those in the relationship refuse to forego their boundaries and standards.

EACH RELATIONSHIP COMES WITH IT’S OWN PAINS

Pain in a relationship is meant to cement trust in one another.  However the pains should change. Month after month, one should not be dealing with feeling the pain of constant cheating… The conflict and issues should get better as time goes on. And they will, if one truly desires to build a healthy, loving relationship.

If two people can’t hash out their problems the relationship becomes toxic and feels like a burden.  Trust is the most important ingredient in the relationship. Without trust the relationship has no meaning. It’s built on sand. Totally unstable.  Which is the opposite of stability… Lack of trust breeds instability.

A woman could tell a man that she loves him and would give up anything to be with him, and a man could also tell a woman the same thing. But without one trusting the other and taking them at their word, the trust means nothing. So one starts doing things that show they can’t be trusted. They  break trust. They don’t get to the part where they get to feel the unconditional love that comes when two people do right by one another, and trust that the other has their best interest at heart. This often happens when you meet someone who feels like they don’t deserve you.

CHEATING –  

Not only is cheating a waste of time. But cheating is so destructive because of the trust destroyed by the cheating. Most people who get caught cheating apologize and swear they will never do it again.  You know cause he “accidentally inserted his penis in that basic chick’s vagina…” that he now claims he’s not attracted to, at all.

The person being cheated on may accept that response from their partner and take it at face value. The partner may even say  “Okay. I understand.” They then try to forget (they don’t. they really attempt to suppress it, forgive, and move on. They once again give their trust to the person who betrayed them.

The person being cheated on doesn’t realize their partner places something outside the relationship as more valuable than the relationship itself.  The partner at that point is simply more concerned about holding onto the relationship, that’s about to become a black hole that consumes their dignity and self-respect.  They don’t ask themselves if their partner is a good person to stay with. The cheater had no phucks given when they cheated. The loving, faithful one in the relationship fails to see  the immature mindset of the cheater. Or they really believe that perhaps it was a one time thing and the show of immaturity was something the cheater will now grow and move on from that “mistake.” Even though it’s really not a mistake, it was a choice and an intentional decision.

The loving partner doesn’t ask themselves whether their partners values make them a good person to stay in  a relationship with. Every thought is focused on saving the feeling of love and maintaining the unhealthy relationship.

So the loving mate unknowingly, but willingly sets themselves up to be a pawn in a game of destruction. They don’t realize their partner is there to break their heart, not to fully love them, as they deserve to be loved.

When people cheat it’s because they value something else more than they value the relationship. Sometimes it’s ego, power over others, validation through sex, or a need to give in to their own wild sexual impulses or need to do what they want, whenever they feel like it. It feeds their need to control. Especially when a person is in a relationship with a powerful person.

  • Whatever the reasoning, if the cheater doesn’t know why they did something and responds with something like  “Well I was drinking with my homeboys and she had her legs open, begging me to come inside” Then they lack the maturity necessary to resolve relationship problems.    What needs to happen is a cheater needs to evaluate what screwed up values caused them to violate the trust of the relationship.  
  • Another guy may be cheating with his ex under the guild of a “friendship” may say “Oh, it’s because my mother keeps in contact with all of her ex’s, so I do the same thing. He may fail to realize his mom is 62 years old and still a single sidechick herself….  He takes the learned behaviors from his mom and carries them into his new relationship. After all, all his other girls from the past accepted the behavior. And the one he cheated with, she didn’t care if he was married, they would go to church together on Sunday, before he went back home to his wife.  And he feels he’s a great guy, cause next week he will take his wife to church. He now feels that you who values yourself, should share the same low standards as the basic chick and the wife who knows she’s married to a habitual cheater. But he’s the best she feels she can do, so that’s that. Undervaluing love and relationships is what women teach men by staying with cheating men or staying in friends with benefits type of situationships, when she knows she really wants more.

So he is now programmed for chaos and expecting each and every woman to accept the chaos that the basic chick accepted.  His value system becomes “How far can I push this woman and still maintain her love for me. He tries to instill in you the same mindset that his permanent side chick has.

The person being cheated on has no idea the dangers of dealing with such a male.  She has no idea that his finances will eventually suffer, and probably already are, because he’s always focused on something outside the relationship. He stays distracted by trying to fill his ego void with the attention of other women.  Even if he has to go to the strip club, in the hood and tip the stripper with 5 kids and 2 bullet wounds to make her feel special, so he can sneak over her house during work hours, and go home to the woman who loves him and has been taught to not expect any money from him, and swears to her that he’s a good faithful man.  

Now lets take a cheating man or woman who actually now has some value for their relationship that’s now on the line. Once caught they will say “I’m selfish. I care about myself more than the relationship” after self evaluation.

Meanwhile the entitled cheater will say “It’s not about you” And the partner is sitting there like “Well if we’re in a relationship together, and it’s not about me. Then what is it about? Am I not important? Cheater will say of course you’re important. I just had to do what I had to do to make myself happy.   That is a CLEAR sign to part ways, as more drama is coming. More cheating is coming.  Whichever way the cheater responds, they have to realize they are actually putting their own unhappiness first. For cheating rarely produces a healthy relationship with a partner who values themselves. The thinner you spread yourself, the less valuable you are.

But back to the cheater who admits to being selfish.  That person will be perfectly honest at that point and admit to not respecting the relationship at all.  Unless the cheater now shows their crappy values are overridden, there is no reason to believe that they can be trusted. And if they can’t be trusted, the relationship won’t improve.

The best way to regain trust is a consistent track record.  Words are nice, but consistency is even better. I often advise my clients to watch people’s actions and behavior more than you watch their words.   If you see them texting ex’s or flirting with new possibles, constantly checking their ex’s Facebook page, those are ACTIONS that show where their mind and heart is at. They know what their ex is doing, but they do’t know the value of Apple stock. They are showing you where their mind and heart is at.   If their heart is with you they will let you know they are going to their ex’s page to be nosey. I mean what is there to hide if you don’t have anything to hide.

CONSISTENCY

When a person shows consistency that their values are now aligned properly you can begin to trust again, and the relationship will change for the better.

When trust  has been destroyed in any relationship if can only be rebuilt by 2 things.

  1. The trust breaker admitting the true values that cause the violation and owns up to them.
  2. The trust breaker has to build a SOLID track record of improved behavior over time.

Unfortunately rebuilding a track record for trust takes time. WAY more time than it took to break the trust. And during that trust building period, things are likely to be pretty crappy.  So both people in the relationship must be conscious of the decision and duties they are undertaking, in order to repair the relationship.

Now some will do just that. But their  SOLID track record in their mind goes from instead of cheating once a month, they will cheat every 3 months.  The insanity of it all.

Which is why without the first step there should be no attempt of reconciliation in the first place. Trust is like that fine China in your mom’s cabinet. If you break it once, with some care and attention it can be repaired. You won’t even be able to see the cracks when you put it back together. But if you break it again, it splits into even more pieces… It becomes difficult to put back together again. It takes far longer to piece back together the 3rd and the 4th time.  If you break it again, more and more times, eventually it gets to the point where it’s impossible to repair.

This all sound sensible and reasonable, but not to a cheater.  They literally get into relationships not understanding they have no real intent of maintaining the unconditional love and support they crave.  So once again, they are forced to reach back into the past and get with the mates who didn’t mind being cheated on all the time. They get back with the people who were down to be embarrassed for peanuts.  Or they go find the next best thing that doesn’t want much out of life and also suffers from low self-esteem. Entitled cheaters need someone to tell them nice things about themselves. They will target someone gullible and young, who doesn’t know much or have much, and repeat the process all over again. Or they get a woman in her mid 40’s or older who thinks she has to hurry up and settle due to her age. Others will even impregnate a woman multiple times, hoping to make her feel stuck like nobody wants her because she has multiple kids. (That’s not true by the way. There is someone for everyone.)

Many people will put up with a dishonest lying mate, because they love them. They hold onto faith and hope that the person will change. But how many times are you going to let a person lie to you. Some people have watched a person lie to them 10 times. and 10 times the person was caught.   So, At some point you have to tell yourself to the truth.

While it hurts, that’s still a person you must let go of. They are not mature enough nor do they hold enough self-awareness to be in a healthy relationship. Plus you deserve better.

Another Essential: COMMITMENT:

If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.  Many men in society fall for the saying that more is better. Many people in general want to commit to nothing and keep their options open. They have a greener pastures complex.  No matter how green their own grass is, they don’t appreciate it, so they are always looking around and failing to fertilize their own grass and not understanding why the grass is now looking a little brown.

Whenever you keep your options open, your became dissatisfied with whatever you chose. Because you become aware of what you are potentially forfeiting.

The best thing a person can do for themselves is to commit to one thing and one person for a certain amount of time and witness a phenomenal amount of growth and love.  Their potential goes through the roof, when they make such a commitment.

For instance, If you have 2 places to live and you pick ONE, you will likely feel confident and comfortable that you made a great decision/choice.

But if you have a choice between 27 places and you pick one, you will spend years doubting and second guessing yourself. You’ve given yourself too many options, and when you’ve given yourself way too many options, it really means you don’t have a type and don’t know what you want, which is why you have such a hard time appreciating what you have.  Now you’re filled with gluttony, always wondering if you made the right choice, wondering if you’re maximizing your own happiness and constantly wanting more, without giving more of yourself. A man who goes from the ratchet side chicks house before he goes home to his sweet loving wife, will continue to stay confused and searching for more. He does not realize that HE is the common denominator in his lack of happiness.

Avoiding commitment denies one the depth of awards that come from the experience of working on something for 5 years or being with the same person for 10 years.

By failing to commit one never truly obtains the rewards and the growth that life offers them.  Often such people will be immature and their finances will not match up to their age. If you look into the background of a a broke 37 year old man, who talks big money, you will more than likely find out that he is a womanizer.  

A man who focuses on feeding his ego through sexual conquests rarely has his finances in order. Sex is more important to him, and not the sexual pleasure that ones feels when their body and mind is deeply committed to another soul.  Instead, they form multiple relationships with multiple women and try to hold onto to a few of them. And it works, cause some women still get dickmatized.

You see by constantly searching for more, the fire in either relationship can not be fed. It will eventually die down. Many cheaters blame their mate and talk bad about their mate and the person they are cheating with too. Neither are good enough. They blame others for their lack – Never ever looking within and seeing that they are actually the real problem.

Commitment offers one a wealth of opportunities that may be available to them otherwise.

Regardless of all these simple facts, many stay in relationship with cheaters due to low self-esteem.  Low self-esteem causes so many problems for individuals in every facet of life. From relationships, to careers, to networking and friendships. Lack of self-esteem causes many to settle for less than they truly desire.  Low self-esteem causes people to put up with things they know they shouldn’t and end up settling for less. Some may even have a great deal of self-esteem, but it’s not high enough for the person who deep down inside, they truly are. Or they showcase a little too much humility, because they are afraid to show how great they really are, for fear that it may make others feel like less than.

5 Tips On Raising Your Self Esteem

5 Tips On Raising Your Self Esteem

When it comes to your self-worth, only one opinion truly matters — your own. And even that one should be carefully evaluated; we tend to be our own harshest critics. Especially me, I used to be way too hard on myself. Although I’ll admit that got me quite far. But it’s chill time.

Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D, author of The Self-Esteem Workbook, describes healthy self-esteem as a realistic, appreciative opinion of oneself. He writes, “Unconditional human worth assumes that each of us is born with all the capacities needed to live fruitfully, although everyone has a different mix of skills, which are at different levels of development.” He emphasizes that core worth is independent of externals that the marketplace values, such as wealth, education, health, status — or the way one has been treated.

Some navigate the world — and relationships — searching for any bit of evidence to validate their self-limiting beliefs. Much like judge and jury, they constantly put themselves on trial and sometimes sentence themselves to a lifetime of self-criticism.  And that’s not fun at all.

Following are five steps you can take to increase your feelings of self-worth.

1. Be mindful of your thoughts.

We can’t change something if we don’t recognize that there is something to change. By simply becoming aware of our negative self-talk, we begin to distance ourselves from the feelings it brings up. This enables us to identify with them less. Without this awareness, we can easily fall into the trap of believing our self-limiting talk, and as meditation teacher Allan Lokos says, “Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that — thoughts.”

As soon as you find yourself going down the path of self-criticism, gently note what is happening, be curious about it, and remind yourself, “These are thoughts, not facts.”

2. Avoid falling into the compare-and-despair rabbit hole.

“Two key things I emphasize are to practice acceptance and stop comparing yourself to others,” says psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. “I emphasis that just because someone else appears happy on social media or even in person doesn’t mean they are happy. Comparisons only lead to negative self-talk, which leads to anxiety and stress.” Feelings of low self-worth can negatively affect your mental health as well as other areas in your life, such as work, relationships, and physical health.

3. Channel your inner rock star.

Albert Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Someone may be a brilliant musician, but a dreadful sweater knitter. Neither quality defines their core worth. Besides do you really care if you can’t knit sweaters? Of course not, so stop caring that you can’t do the same things that another person can. Recognize what your strengths and talents and allow your confidence to soar. Cause guess what? There’s something you can do amazingly well, that others can’t. Have you figured out your strengths yet? .

Psychotherapist and certified sex therapist Kristie Overstreet, LPCC, CST, CAP, suggests asking yourself, “Was there a time in your life where you had better self-esteem? What were you doing at that stage of your life?” If it’s difficult for you to identify your unique gifts, ask a friend to point them out to you. Sometimes it’s easier for others to see the best in us than it is for us to see it in ourselves.

4. Exercise (AKA take your butt to the gym)

Many studies have shown a correlation between exercise and higher self-esteem, as well as improved mental health. “Exercising creates empowerment both physical and mental,” says Debbie Mandel, author of Addicted to Stress, “especially weight lifting where you can calibrate the accomplishments. Exercise organizes your day around self-care.” She suggests dropping a task daily from your endless to-do list for the sole purpose of relaxation or doing something fun, and seeing how that feels. Other forms of self-care, such as proper nutrition and sufficient sleep, have also been shown to have positive effects on one’s self-perception.

5. Do unto others.

Volunteer to help someone else figure out their problems. It will take your mind off your own problems and renew your sense of self.

David Simonsen, Ph.D., LMFT, agrees:

“What I find is that the more someone does something in their life that they can be proud of, the easier it is for them to recognize their worth. Doing things that one can respect about themselves is the one key that I have found that works to raise one’s worth. It is something tangible. Helping at a homeless shelter, animal shelter, giving of time at a big brother or sister organization. These are things that mean something and give value to not only oneself, but to someone else as well.”

There is much truth to the fact that what we put out there into the world tends to boomerang back to us. To test this out, spend a day intentionally putting out positive thoughts and behaviors toward those with whom you come into contact. As you go about your day, be mindful of what comes back to you, and also notice if your mood improves.

How to Jumpstart your Productivity

How to Jumpstart your Productivity

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