Texting Nightmare: How Text Messages Kill Your Relationship Before It Even Starts

by | Love & Relationships

Relationships can be really easy, but they are hard work due to lots of things. The #1 thing that makes relationships difficult between compatible people is lack of intimate communication.  For people whose main communication is done through texting, all hell is bound to break loose. Texting will simply confuse you and drive you crazy in the midst of trying to figure out exactly what’s going on between you. 

When it comes to texting, people are pretty distant, lots of miscommunication happens and relationships often get ruined before they even start.  So let’s explore the 5 reasons why text messages ruin relationships.

Relationship Killer #1: The need for attention

Social media has everyone quite used to getting attention. People these days demand a like or two, and if you’re not an iPhone owner you can’t click like on text messages. 🤣 Okay let’s continue. This is not a hate on Android post.  So with this constant need for validation and attention a smart phone is now a gadget to get more attention. With the fact that important people only give other people who they presume are important their phone number, we assume that we now can have people’s attention at any given time. And while this may indeed be true, for a few people. Most busy people ain’t going.  Some people will respond to your message right away, others not so much. Which makes the person who would usually respond fast, learn to also not respond fast. So texting becomes more about not responding too fast, instead of having authentic communication.  The person most committed to making the relationship work is usually the one that responds the fastest. Meanwhile the other if often just testing the water. It’s also humanly impossible to sustain all your interpersonal relationships in a healthy manner at this speed of everyone hitting you up expecting instant attention. So this becomes the basis upon which the miscommunication is built and disconnection prevails.

Stage 2: Feeling left out 

When most of your relationship or friendships are built around text messaging conversations, you tend to feel left out or isolated when you don’t spend as much in person time as you would subconsciously like with that said person.  Some people would label this desire as clinginess and others would label it a desire to develop a deeper soul connection. People who would view it as clinginess tend to be the people who don’t realize they are not quite connecting to others in the way they desire.  They don’t notice the feeling of distance that’s mounting.  At other times people actually are a bit clingy.  This is when the second level of feeling incompatible starts to seep in. This is not to say that everyone has suddenly become stalker level obsessive, but we do expect more from texting than we often get from it.

Stage 3: You are glued to your phone

These days everyone’s cellphone stays in their hands or near them. People will ignore your texts, while constantly making social media updates. So when a person says they are ‘busy.’ It’s usually a bold face lie, which causes distrust, makes a person feel like the other person is disinterested, and creates more disconnection. People totally have a right to ignore you, and continue to make status updates.  The person being ignored also has the right to move on to the next person who pays them adequate attention. So now more competition is created when the ignored because was initially more than excited to only communicate with that one person. Being ignored often signals to a person that they are not being liked or appreciate and that it’s time to move on.  At least that’s what sane people do. By the time the person doing the ignoring decides to even show emotion or start responding back in a timely manner, the connection is already so ruined that the formerly ignored person doubts if the connection was even real to begin with.

Most times people think they are playing “hard to get.”  But what they were really doing is playing “hard to like.” At other times people feel the need to be in constant communication with their boyfriend or girlfriend.  This can  put a strain on some relationships, as texting robs of the quality time that could be spent face-to-face. By the time you get in person, there is not much to say.  At other times one mate feels not cared enough for, so they start outside conversations with someone of the opposite sex who has ample time for them. The conversations are usually done in secrecy, so when the ignorer finds out they feel betrayed or feel their mate is “needy.”  This can make one person feel like they can’t meet the others needs, and the other person feel like they are not good enough. Those expectations lead to misunderstandings and disappointment at the end.

Stage 4: Not intimate enough

Our phones get the best of us because we are fooling ourselves into believing that they make us closer. That is not true in the slightest. It’s actually quite the opposite. Texting more often than not takes away from the natural way we typically tend to converse with each other. All of a sudden it has come down to pondering about why the certain person is not responding right away, why is he/she using THAT emoji and why did he/she put communication to a full stop, and wonder why they aren’t responding fast enough. Then it’s,  are they mad at me? Then panic sets in, causing more distance, and more space for them to start communication with someone new who may be more interested and more attentive. Because of this, we get the sense that we do not get along with that person well, we start wondering why we have issues. Namely, because it does not feel intimate enough. Especially if the ignorer fails to use caring words in the conversation the evoke emotions of love, like or gratitude.  

Stage 5: Heated arguments over text

With all the predispositions mentioned above, one could tell that an argument over text would be a total catastrophe. It obviously depends on the people involved, however, miscommunication does occur without a doubt. The funny thing is that people could start an argument from the most trivial or unimportant things. Something that might not even be considered a problem or inconvenience now becomes the reason for World War III to explode in your face. The most common triggers are the use of specific wording or phrases that are taken out of context and people ‘picturing’ in their head how something is said (the tone of voice!). Due to those factors, people tend to get more aggressive and unnecessarily offensive and defensive.  

If no one picks up the phone to squash the beef, the argument via text could last for hours or days on end. An argument that in real life most probably would not have existed. One can safely say that nothing can substitute real-life, face-to-face communication. Not even phone calls are as sufficient as interaction in the physical world.

However, phone calls are a better way of communication vs texting.

It leaves less room for confusion, misunderstanding, and disappointment.

Now when a person who loves to respond fast, meets another person who responds fast, that’s a good match. The truth is people who respond fast, only don’t respond fast, when they don’t care. So if you don’t respond fast, they will assume you don’t care. 

A better suggestion would be for people to date people they don’t want to ignore. When you care about the other’s emotional well-being you’re simply more attentive.