When someone says the word “love,” you tend to think of romantic love. One tends to think of what they can “get” from another person when that person falls in love with them.
Women tend to think of love one-sidedly. This one sided love hopes that by getting a man to fall in love with you, you can get him to take whatever you give. You can get him to accept or tolerate your time and your attention. You can get them to revel in your adoration, affection, physical pleasure. You can get them to enjoy the ego-boost you have created for them. You can get them to display your adoration of them, your affection for them, your devotion to them in public. This thought process creates an egoic or narcissistic “love” where you give adoration and devotion to the other, while he simply enjoys it, and displays it for others to see as proof of his validity.
Way too many women wind up in narcissistic relationships, simply by ignoring her intuition. Not only that, but women tend to chase after acceptance and approval from men.
What stops a woman from doing such a thing, is practicing the art of unconditional love, without being attached to the outcome.
The truth is that authentic, fully reciprocated love is not about trading affection for love, relationship, or commitment. There is no earning of one’s approval, by creating so much love that the other will magically fall in love in equal measure.
Such a thought process can be deeply cloaked in delusion. It doesn’t work like that. A person doesn’t fall in love with you, just because you’re in love with them. They have to truly want you and reciprocate.
Not to mention a woman is going all wrong in the first place when she leads in the love department. A man has to want you more than you want him. If not the relationship is bound to not last.
It’s really easy for a woman to fall in love with a man, but most times he’s simply chilling in the LIKE stage. ~ Kissy Denise
Men have a huge choice in mates they choose to date. But a smart woman doesn’t necessarily wait for a man to pick her. She picks the man she wants. Then lets him do the work to capture her heart. You can’t be the woman doing the work to capture his heart. For the right one, his heart is nearly yours from the very first sight of you. You see first a man must DECIDE that he is ready to find a wife. If he’s not looking for a wife, he may not see any woman as a wife. If he’s looking for entertainment he’ll see just about every woman as entertainment, and just maybe he’ll accidentally fall in love with one of the women he’s having sex with.
The better man is the man who has decided he’s ready. Once he decides he’s ready, he pretty much knows exactly what he’s looking for, so when he finds her he knows. He then goes into full pursuit. The work is already done for her. All she has to do from there is hold her standards and values, create boundaries, and delight him with her magnetic, feminine charm.
Most women don’t know this, so they are actually out in the dating world attempting to convince a man to pick her. Pick Me’s tend to be women who can’t command a high dollar salary. They want a man to pick them for the sake of survival and being taken care of. They tend to come off as helpless. It’s all about getting something.
However there is another way to love that is healthy for a conscious, emotionally healthy, Goddess. That is to love people unconditionally without attachment to the outcome.
Can you imagine loving a man and just being yourself, and expressing yourself with him, not necessarily hoping that you are wooing him or running him off, but instead not caring of the outcome and simply being your authentic self while allowing things to flow as they may?
When you do this there is no getting.
There is no “getting “ anything. When love is authentic and pure, there is absolutely nothing to be gotten. We love for the feeling of love. Not many people can accept that. They are overly-focused on getting something, earning something, and qualifying for something. Later when that object of their affection does not feel the same, they realize that they have poured themselves into the other person, while the other simply drank from their full cup.
When you create such a dynamic, you hurt yourself. When a person believes their one-sided interest is enough, they too are demonstrating ego-based love, and narcissism. The ego and what it wants, always gets in the way if you let it. Why would you assume that your self-interest alone is enough to qualify for the other person?
Not to mention, one-sided interest is the shallowest level of love a human could offer. In fact, that narcissistic love is a social perversion causing a lot of social problems and a huge rift in gender relations. Too many people are seeking to satisfy the desire of self. In return people push people away for fear that the other loves too much, which is fear due to feeling like they’ll go too far, and get mad when the love is not returned. Which like I said, happens a lot.
The entire romance and relationship industry is built on “getting” people who don’t want you to want you. That’s not the way things should go. Relating to others based on what you can get, or on feeding your ego is such a low vibration of love.
This is why you should definitely love people unconditionally, and as a woman, wait on a man who wants you back. But maybe you don’t want anything from each other, other than to explore the union. Yet even then at some point, someone in the union has to decide the direction of the relationship and if it’s headed to a romantic soul union or a friendly soul union. Many people fail in relationships simply because they never decided where they wanted the relationship to go. One is often thinking it’s going one way, while the other is two years in, still exploring, or dating and having sex even though they know that woman is not “The One.”
When someone wants you just as much as you want them, it closes the gap and allows the fun in. Then it comes down to helping someone feel how it feels to be enough for one another and experience diving love as a sacred union. Many women don’t have a clock ticking on how long they will wait for a decision. Usually because she’s not exploring her options with other men.
Either way, as a woman, it’s not your job to make a man want you. He wants what he wants. Either you’re it or you’re not. Your job is to stand in your power and allow him to keep you.
Loving unconditionally without an attachment to the outcome can help you learn to do this a lot faster.