Dear Kissy, I am newly engaged to my fiancé. We have been together a little over a year. We are a lesbian couple.
My family is not to thrilled about my relationship with her. Well specifically my mom. She does not respect my relationship and now it’s getting to a point where it’s causing problems with my home, because my mom does not want to be around her.
My fiancé and I just recently purchased a home, and plan to raise our 2 daughters and possibly have another child in the near future. I guess my question would be what should I do as far as my mother. I don’t want to lose my relationship with my fiancé, but I don’t want my mom to feel like I’m not respecting her.
MY RESPONSE: You are a testament to the undying love that children carry for their mother. I feel a lot of compassion for what you are going through. But darling, you should never allow anyone to come in between you and your mate. Nor is it feasible to spend the rest of your life trying to please your mother. You are an adult with bills, responsibilities, and your own family now.
While it’s extremely difficult for a lot of parents to learn their child is gay, that shouldn’t change anything. But, it obviously does for some.
The first step here, is that you must explicitly elucidate your heartfelt love and devotion for your mate, to your family. Be aggressive in communicating to your family that your mate isn’t going anywhere.
At the same time, let them know that by not accepting your relationship choices that they are essentially breaking your heart, because you love them just as much. Tell them if they love you, they should learn to accept your mate into the family fold.
After that, try taking your mother to dinner with your mate. Ask her to sit down and give your mate a chance, to get to know her. If it works, the entire family is forced to go along.
If that doesn’t work, it may be time for you to accept and respect your mother’s decision to not accept your lifestyle choices. Give her a little distance and see if she comes around.
Sometimes distancing yourself from people makes them appreciate you a lot more. Chances are the distance will force her to realize that it’s a package deal now.
Getting your mother to accept your lifestyle, may be a long agonizing process. The hope that one’s parents will be kind, loving and acceptable of your mate and choices, isn’t easily given up. Hang in there, but don’t allow anyone to take your happiness away from you.
Live for you darling.